The Room

As infertiles, thoughts of babies can sometimes consume us.  I have been one of the more hopeful ones that has taken my imagination to another level.  Some of us dream of having a nursery one day and even go as far as moving forward with the hopes that a baby will be on board in the near future.  To add to that, I haven't made it a secret, that I've been stocking up on pre-conception baby buys.  I KNOW I'm not alone, as I have bonded with other gals for this very same reason.  It is without doubt that my  imagination has been filled with thoughts of one day having a baby to go with that nursery.

Right now, our "nursery" serves as a junk/storage room.  I will quote one of my fellow TTC bloggers, Liz, from Wishing on a Snowflake.  "Many infertiles have a junk room just like this. It's the room that is the would-be nursery, but ends up being a messy, cluttered, and out-of-control physical representation of their lives. It's a painful reminder of what they don't have, and may never have. It's limbo."  So you can only imagine how this makes me feel everytime I step into The Room. Hopefully that will all change with this new chapter of our lives.  As I had mentioned in a previous post, DH and I were considering hosting a foreign exchange student this coming school year.  Well after discussion, we have decided to move forward with the process and have already passed the first stage... background checks.  We got the word that we have now been accepted into the program and are in the student selection process.  Because we feel that we will be such AWESOME parents one day, we both decided that we would like to host TWO students!  I can't describe how undeniable my maternal instinct is right now.  It's on overdrive!  LOL.  So we talked about it and we are planning on hosting two girls.  I have two nieces that will be around the same age, so I think having female students will be nice.  They will both be high schoolers.

So with that, today will be spent cleaning and getting our house ready. I know that doesn't sound very exciting at face value, but it actually is. Because today marks the start of moving away from the dreadfulness of that room.  Some time ago I wanted to paint The Room, so had to move all the junk that was stored in it into our guest room. Well, after finding out about that failed cycle, I quit mid-paint project and now we literally have a half painted empty junk room (metaphor for my uterus.... perhaps, hahaha) and a junky guest bedroom (my ovaries?  bwahaha). I wasn't  motivated enough to finish or organize either.  But that is changing today.  We now will convert The Room into a study/home gym.  The girls will be sharing the guest bedroom, and we will put two desks, a computer and workout equipment into the newly defined extra room.  That means packing up and storing all of our baby stuff.  It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, but I'm super excited to make the changes.  This is very symbolic, it means I'm ready to move forward and stop obsessing about TTC.  I'm hoping that by hosting the girls this year, it will help soothe some of those maternal cravings.  I can "RELAX" (sarcastically speaking), like so many of the unsolicited advise people say.  Of course this doesn't mean we are going to stop trying, and I don't know if we ever will.  But I AM GOING TO FINISH painting that room and until we do become pregnant, I can put it to good use.

Finally, the pain can slowly subside....

Hello Eggs... Are you there?

Well it's been about 4 months since my last blog and alot has happened since then...
We are finally settled into our little home and things are running smoothly.  We renovated our kitchen 1st thing after we moved in and it took us about 2 weeks to get most of it done.  We enlisted help from my brother in law and a friend of his.  JC took 2 weeks off work to help work on the kitchen.  We got most of it done, but to date, it still remains partially unfinished.  Oh well, we'll be working on it slowly.
Then we kind of held off on baby-making for a few weeks because I decided to get carpal release surgery done on my right hand.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant for the surgery as well as the few weeks following when I would be using pain meds.  So we used protection.

Then at the end of November, I got laid off and that got things really spinning out of control.  I've been looking for work non-stop for over a month.  And even though I'm collecting unemployment, it still frustrates me that I can't find work.  For the mean time, we are okay on our finances, but I've been in a funk lately and I just sit around the house all day and watch TV.

I also recently got back on my prenatal vitamins (which I had lapsed on for a few months), I started my provera dose this week so that I can menstruate, and I'm going back on the progesterone cream 12 days after I get my period.  I'm hoping this will kickstart my hormone system.

I made my new years resolution to lose weight so that we can finally make a baby, but I haven't had the motivation to get off my ass and start my weight loss regimen.  I'm sad to say, that I'm probably the biggest I've ever been in my life.  It's depressing.  And now that I actually have the time to dedicate solely to weight loss, I can't even lift a finger.

Well today, I did my 1st workout, and boy did it hurt.  I know I didn't burn enough calories (meaning I consumed more calories than I could burn) and that's a bit dissappointing, but I figured baby steps are better than jumping into a program too fast and burning out too fast.  Tomorrow, I want to try and wake up early and do a work out routine so I can catch up.  My plan is to workout morning and afternoon and eat more calorie-concious.  I need to lose this weight and the baby itch is getting worse and worse... although maybe it's a good thing I'm not pregnant since I have no healthcare and no job.  Plus I don't want to be an obese pregnant lady, because I want the natural child birth and I don't want any complications.  I need to focus....

So here's hoping things change soon and I can change my outlook on life.... me being the optimistic person that I am still have that glimmer of hope that things will change for the better.  Cheers!