So as 2013 comes near the end, I can't say that we've had any life-changing events. In fact it was pretty unremarkable... except for the whole foreign student exchange thing.
And what's up with that you ask? Well it's a pretty long story, but to sum it up, both girls have been placed with new host families. Due to a combination of different personalities, different lifestyles, and different interests everyone at home was a little unhappy and frustrated with each other. Girls were with us only two and a half months, but we did learn a lot during that time.
1. We are never doing it again... lol.
2. Fostering is out of the question
3. I learned I really enjoy cooking
4. I miss the gym... really
5. I miss my "ME" time
6. I took sleeping sans clothing for granted
7. I really have a threshold for pleasing people
8. DH needs to change his hours if we are to ever have kids of our own
9. I really love my furbabies
10. .... and this was a big one... I don't think we are ready to be parents
Yes, I know... is anyone every "really" ready? But this experience was such a huge disappointment that it made me question whether I really wanted to have kids. Especially with the hours DH and I work. If I wasn't at work, I was at home with the girls. It was tiring tending to them... and they're 17! DH had it easy. He only saw them on the weekends. He works M-F 3-11pm, so he left for work right before the girls got home from school and by the time he came home, we were all asleep. I begged him to take them on the weekend. I dreaded waking up on the weekend... what kind of life is that? Obviously I wasn't happy with the situation either. DH tells me our kids will be different, because we will raise them the way we want. I see his point, but still I realized how much I enjoy my alone time. I dunno, maybe I'm just tired with the whole TTCing issue and it comes out this way but either way, I told hubby I'm not ready for TTC anytime soon.
Which brings me to a new subject. AF has finally arrived after CD253! What the what?! So what happened? Well first off, I didn't really miss it one bit. No worries on spotting, staining.... no having to buy pads and tampons for 8 months. No PMS, no menstrual cramps. Yeah, it was fun while it lasted but deep down inside I knew it wasn't right. But with no health insurance and keeping my mind busy with other things (and other people) I just didn't deal with it. Now that the girls are gone, I'm back on track with working out, and I've learned a new hobby in cooking (so now we don't eat out as much) I've decided to focus on me and my health. Especially when this phase of not wanting kids passes, I'm gonna want to jump back on that TTC train. So about 3 weeks ago I started back on Vitex and progesterone cream. I figured my PCOS was probably out of control and I needed a much needed visit from AF eventually. So I did a little research to refresh my memory on how to use Vitex and the cream as an aid in managing PCOS. I'm taking Vitex 2x a day and using 40mg of progesterone twice a day as well. Lo and behold 2 weeks later she makes a surprise visit. Score one for Mely! While off the vitex and progesterone during AF, I start to incorporate a daily cinnamon supplement as well. I've done the research and confident that the cinnamon will help in managing these health issues. I'm taking a 1000mg tablet twice a day. It's proven to help control blood glucose and insulin resistance... the major dilemma in PCOS. The vitex helps regulate menstrual cycles and the cream is used to help boost progesterone levels. These are all natural ways to maintain and regulate the female reproductive system so I'm hoping that with proper diet and exercise, I will soon be on my way to being PCOS-free. I guess in a way, I'm indirectly TTCing... lol. I just want to feel better and funny enough, I think it's working not only has AF come (I'm CD 14), but I feel more feminine... I feel like wearing makeup everyday.
That's about it. Not planning for much in 2014, just want to get healthier. Until next time...
Mom... In Training
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Glad to Be Back! BEDA #1
Wow! It's been a while since my last post. Over two months. This is gonna be a long update. But that's a good thing since I'm thinking of doing BEDA this year. BEDA stands for Blog Every Day in August. I got the idea from fellow YouTubers who do VEDA, and since I stopped posting videos, I decided why not do BEDA instead? I'm a day late, but I think tonight's blog entry will make up for yesterday as well. So here goes...
We've had quite a change in pace over the past 2 months here at home. Though there has been a couple of obstacles to get around, most of the change has been for the better. We are now well acquainted with our foreign exchange students. We've been in communication with them regularly over the last month and a half and it's so exciting learning more and more about them. They are both happily anticipating their visit here with us and already we've made huge plans in traveling and showing them what we like. The list that I mentioned in my past blog has gotten even longer in length. There's over 100 things that I've listed that I can't wait to show them. Granted we probably won't be able to do all of it, but I'm hoping we can do most of it. The girls will be coming in a few weeks, and though we are not quite ready for them yet (still working on getting them registered for school... still need to do some major cleaning around the house), we are almost there. I keep procrastinating and putting off the cleaning for the weekends, but those "cleaning weekends" never seem to hash out. We've always got something else better to do... lol. Anyways, that's about the only thing I'm worried about. Keeping my fingers crossed that we can make some progress on the cleaning this weekend, even though we've already got plans for the evening.
So just to share a little more information about our girls. G, as you recall, is from Thailand. She's the one we've been in contact with the longest (and probably the most "like" us). She's kind of shy and timid, but she's super cute. She's this tiny little thing, probably not even 5 foot tall, and under 100 lbs. So cute, you just want to put her in your pocket. She's still working on getting better at English, and she's a bit nervous about being able to communicate well with us and her fellow peers. She's still attending school in Thailand and actually just completed her midterm exams. She's also really involved in her cultural exchange organization that she participates in outside of school. Unlike the U.S., in Thailand, school is strictly for educational subject classes like math, reading, history, government, language studies, etc. Any sports or clubs that students wish to participate in, they have to do on their own time away from school. G likes being in her cultural exchange program. Already, she has spent a summer in New Zealand as a member of the organization. They also recently had their annual prom, in which they got to celebrate and spend one more evening with their friends of the organization, before packing up and jetting off to their respective countries for the foreign exchange program. G tells me that she has 3 more friends coming to the U.S., though none set for Texas. She is super excited about coming here to Texas, as she has seen lots of pictures of the landscape, seen it portrayed in movies, and read about all the wonderful things to do while here in our city. One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going horseback riding. She's been once before in New Zealand and she really enjoyed it. She's also excited to meet new friends, though she admits she's a little shy and quiet at first. She's kind of glad M will also be staying with us, as it gives her an opportunity to make a friend before school starts. She's also looking forward to getting involved with school sports, primarily swimming and perhaps cheerleading. She wants to take Spanish class so that she can learn the language. It's something she's been interested in for a while. She enjoys the same music as me (in regards to American pop music) and said she's eager to learn how to dance. I told her I like dancing all kinds of music, so she's excited for me to teach her a few things. I told her I would like to learn how to cook Thai food and she eagerly offered to teach me. Though she doesn't cook very much at home in Thailand, she has picked up a few things from her mother. She's very eager to learn and experience as much as she can here with us and every time we email each other, she gives me a countdown as to when she arrives.
M is our other student. She is from Germany. She's very different from G, though I think that will only give them more to talk about when they are together. She's a little more versed in travel and new experiences. She loves the study of language and is also pretty fluent in Spanish. She tells me she also has plans to learn French and Madarin Chinese. Wow, how motivated she is! She is also very involved in tennis in her homeland. She competes in regular tournaments and hoping she can continue the sport while staying here with us. We found out the high school does have a tennis team so hopefully she will be able to participate in that. She also has an interest in cheerleading. She seems a little more social and outspoken, though we've only communicated via email. She spent the summer in Spain and actually just got back home this week. Plus her birthday was a couple of days ago, so it's one thing after another and she seems to stay pretty busy. Though we haven't had as much communication with her as we have with G, she does respond pretty thoroughly in her emails. Her English writing is very good. She also seems to enjoy the same kind of music as I do (we have some of the same favorite music artists). She tells me she is looking forward to learning about the American culture. She wants to be involved in foreign languages when she grows up, so she is hoping to also master the English language while staying here. She tells me she's not much of a cook, but does enjoy her German food so she's eager to try the local German restaurant that I mentioned earlier. She's not into spicy food much so I don't know how she'll handle Mexican and Thai food. We shall see. I told her about our local German festival and Oktoberfest and she says she's super excited to check it out. One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going shopping. What teenage girl isn't? She tells me that she's heard that name brands (especially her favorites, Hollister and Ambercrombie) are pretty affordable here in the states, while in Germany it's really expensive. She doesn't seem to be nervous at all about coming here to the U.S. I asked her if she has ever traveled here and she said a couple of times to Ohio, where she has some distant relatives. As much as she has traveled and studied Spanish, maybe I can learn a thing or two from her.
So those are our 2 students. M just turned 17 and G is 16 and a half. I'm still not sure what grades they'll be in since we still need to get them registered. But like I said earlier, we already have so much planned for them. I wanted to do something big for either the winter holiday break or spring break and since hubby is pretty much guaranteed mandatory overtime during December, I figured we could hold off until the spring break holiday. So what I've started working on is planning a trip to Disney World! I asked the girls first whether their parents would allow them to travel to Florida and whether they'd be able to afford their expenses for the trip. They both discussed it with their family and happily agreed upon the trip. They are both very excited to get to experience Disney since they haven't ever visited any of the theme parks around the world. But of course what kid wouldn't be excited?! Hubby and I are excited ourselves as we've never experienced it either. So that is the big thing we have planned in March. Another thing that hubby and I are planning is a Welcome to America party for the girls. Just something to introduce them to other kids and some of our family and close friends. We are trying to keep it as small as possible, but hubby and I love to throw parties, especially one that has music and barbeque. And finally, and this came up just recently, we decided to invite them to UFC #166 when it comes to our city in October. We weren't sure if they'd want to go, especially having never seen it and the tickets being so expensive. But running it by their parents, they were ready to jump in for the experience. So happy to say, we bought 4 tickets for the upcoming fights and can't wait to share our love of the sport with them.
And now moving on to less interesting news... As far as a TTC update, there's really nothing to report on. It's on the back burner and not a priority in our life right now (something I thought I'd never hear myself say). I don't want to say I've given up on it, but I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm not going to be a mom unless we adopt or until I can get pregnant. And the getting pregnant thing won't be happening anytime soon. We've both basically have an understanding that unless we have some serious medical intervention (i.e. IVF) that it won't be happening naturally. It's the reality of the situation and right now I'm ok with that. I can't say that I won't ever try other means again, but my body is so screwed up right now, that mother nature has pretty much crossed me off her list. Yeah it sucks, but hey... shit happens. And when I say screwed up I mean not only that I haven't had my period in almost 5 months (today is CD 141), but I've put on a few more pounds, and I haven't seen a doctor since we last tried with HCG in January. And no, I'm not pregnant. I take a HPT every first of the month to make sure I don't wind up on that show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant". Yesterday's test, just as expected came out with a BFN. No surprise there... and it didn't even phase me.
As for the weight thing, yes I know, I know. I can't believe I gained weight either. I was a little depressed as the whole TTC came to a startling halt. That probably contributed to it. But mainly I blame it on letting go. Since letting go of the whole TTC journey, I kinda was like "F- it!" Before I was trying to lose the weight for babymaking, but since that's not gonna happen I decided to enjoy life. Now that I have steady work and the paychecks are coming in regularly, hubby and I have been taking advantage and enjoying going to eat out. We've both actually started to gain weight. And then because I started working so much, I was skipping the gym. And then I get home and I'm super tired and just want to lounge around the house. It's a never ending cycle and I do want to get back on track especially with the girls coming. I hate to validate the stereotype of fat and lazy Americans. (I did some research on culture shock and one of the common first impressions from foreign exchange students are that Americans are fat and lazy.... boooooo) Plus my girls seem really energetic and active and I want to be able to keep up with them. I hope they will be able to motivate me. Maybe I can get them on a student/child membership at the gym. We'll see.
Finally, I just wanted to mention that this is the year for baby showers. I told my mom the other day that I'm at that stage in life where everyone my age is getting pregnant. It's kind of weird, kind of eerie, but I'm so thankful that I've put my TTC days behind me, because this year would suck royally had I still been TTC and not pregnant by now. I finally re-activated my FB account, primarily to keep in touch with the girls (imagine life without social networking, how would we ever be in touch? I mean who writes letters nowadays?... lol... that's sarcasm) and now that I'm back online and in full force, there are friends and family members announcing pregnancies and births left and right! I'm thankful I have a job to afford all these gifts I'm buying. I swear like every month I find out someone new is pregnant. Happy for them, of course, but reminds me more and more that I'm not the one announcing it. Not saying that in a bad way, just that these were some of the people asking me 3 years ago "So when are you gonna have kids?" I guess time flies when you're having fun.
Well that's about all I gotta say for today. Tomorrow is another day and I gotta think about what I want to write about. So see you then.
We've had quite a change in pace over the past 2 months here at home. Though there has been a couple of obstacles to get around, most of the change has been for the better. We are now well acquainted with our foreign exchange students. We've been in communication with them regularly over the last month and a half and it's so exciting learning more and more about them. They are both happily anticipating their visit here with us and already we've made huge plans in traveling and showing them what we like. The list that I mentioned in my past blog has gotten even longer in length. There's over 100 things that I've listed that I can't wait to show them. Granted we probably won't be able to do all of it, but I'm hoping we can do most of it. The girls will be coming in a few weeks, and though we are not quite ready for them yet (still working on getting them registered for school... still need to do some major cleaning around the house), we are almost there. I keep procrastinating and putting off the cleaning for the weekends, but those "cleaning weekends" never seem to hash out. We've always got something else better to do... lol. Anyways, that's about the only thing I'm worried about. Keeping my fingers crossed that we can make some progress on the cleaning this weekend, even though we've already got plans for the evening.
So just to share a little more information about our girls. G, as you recall, is from Thailand. She's the one we've been in contact with the longest (and probably the most "like" us). She's kind of shy and timid, but she's super cute. She's this tiny little thing, probably not even 5 foot tall, and under 100 lbs. So cute, you just want to put her in your pocket. She's still working on getting better at English, and she's a bit nervous about being able to communicate well with us and her fellow peers. She's still attending school in Thailand and actually just completed her midterm exams. She's also really involved in her cultural exchange organization that she participates in outside of school. Unlike the U.S., in Thailand, school is strictly for educational subject classes like math, reading, history, government, language studies, etc. Any sports or clubs that students wish to participate in, they have to do on their own time away from school. G likes being in her cultural exchange program. Already, she has spent a summer in New Zealand as a member of the organization. They also recently had their annual prom, in which they got to celebrate and spend one more evening with their friends of the organization, before packing up and jetting off to their respective countries for the foreign exchange program. G tells me that she has 3 more friends coming to the U.S., though none set for Texas. She is super excited about coming here to Texas, as she has seen lots of pictures of the landscape, seen it portrayed in movies, and read about all the wonderful things to do while here in our city. One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going horseback riding. She's been once before in New Zealand and she really enjoyed it. She's also excited to meet new friends, though she admits she's a little shy and quiet at first. She's kind of glad M will also be staying with us, as it gives her an opportunity to make a friend before school starts. She's also looking forward to getting involved with school sports, primarily swimming and perhaps cheerleading. She wants to take Spanish class so that she can learn the language. It's something she's been interested in for a while. She enjoys the same music as me (in regards to American pop music) and said she's eager to learn how to dance. I told her I like dancing all kinds of music, so she's excited for me to teach her a few things. I told her I would like to learn how to cook Thai food and she eagerly offered to teach me. Though she doesn't cook very much at home in Thailand, she has picked up a few things from her mother. She's very eager to learn and experience as much as she can here with us and every time we email each other, she gives me a countdown as to when she arrives.
M is our other student. She is from Germany. She's very different from G, though I think that will only give them more to talk about when they are together. She's a little more versed in travel and new experiences. She loves the study of language and is also pretty fluent in Spanish. She tells me she also has plans to learn French and Madarin Chinese. Wow, how motivated she is! She is also very involved in tennis in her homeland. She competes in regular tournaments and hoping she can continue the sport while staying here with us. We found out the high school does have a tennis team so hopefully she will be able to participate in that. She also has an interest in cheerleading. She seems a little more social and outspoken, though we've only communicated via email. She spent the summer in Spain and actually just got back home this week. Plus her birthday was a couple of days ago, so it's one thing after another and she seems to stay pretty busy. Though we haven't had as much communication with her as we have with G, she does respond pretty thoroughly in her emails. Her English writing is very good. She also seems to enjoy the same kind of music as I do (we have some of the same favorite music artists). She tells me she is looking forward to learning about the American culture. She wants to be involved in foreign languages when she grows up, so she is hoping to also master the English language while staying here. She tells me she's not much of a cook, but does enjoy her German food so she's eager to try the local German restaurant that I mentioned earlier. She's not into spicy food much so I don't know how she'll handle Mexican and Thai food. We shall see. I told her about our local German festival and Oktoberfest and she says she's super excited to check it out. One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going shopping. What teenage girl isn't? She tells me that she's heard that name brands (especially her favorites, Hollister and Ambercrombie) are pretty affordable here in the states, while in Germany it's really expensive. She doesn't seem to be nervous at all about coming here to the U.S. I asked her if she has ever traveled here and she said a couple of times to Ohio, where she has some distant relatives. As much as she has traveled and studied Spanish, maybe I can learn a thing or two from her.
So those are our 2 students. M just turned 17 and G is 16 and a half. I'm still not sure what grades they'll be in since we still need to get them registered. But like I said earlier, we already have so much planned for them. I wanted to do something big for either the winter holiday break or spring break and since hubby is pretty much guaranteed mandatory overtime during December, I figured we could hold off until the spring break holiday. So what I've started working on is planning a trip to Disney World! I asked the girls first whether their parents would allow them to travel to Florida and whether they'd be able to afford their expenses for the trip. They both discussed it with their family and happily agreed upon the trip. They are both very excited to get to experience Disney since they haven't ever visited any of the theme parks around the world. But of course what kid wouldn't be excited?! Hubby and I are excited ourselves as we've never experienced it either. So that is the big thing we have planned in March. Another thing that hubby and I are planning is a Welcome to America party for the girls. Just something to introduce them to other kids and some of our family and close friends. We are trying to keep it as small as possible, but hubby and I love to throw parties, especially one that has music and barbeque. And finally, and this came up just recently, we decided to invite them to UFC #166 when it comes to our city in October. We weren't sure if they'd want to go, especially having never seen it and the tickets being so expensive. But running it by their parents, they were ready to jump in for the experience. So happy to say, we bought 4 tickets for the upcoming fights and can't wait to share our love of the sport with them.
And now moving on to less interesting news... As far as a TTC update, there's really nothing to report on. It's on the back burner and not a priority in our life right now (something I thought I'd never hear myself say). I don't want to say I've given up on it, but I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm not going to be a mom unless we adopt or until I can get pregnant. And the getting pregnant thing won't be happening anytime soon. We've both basically have an understanding that unless we have some serious medical intervention (i.e. IVF) that it won't be happening naturally. It's the reality of the situation and right now I'm ok with that. I can't say that I won't ever try other means again, but my body is so screwed up right now, that mother nature has pretty much crossed me off her list. Yeah it sucks, but hey... shit happens. And when I say screwed up I mean not only that I haven't had my period in almost 5 months (today is CD 141), but I've put on a few more pounds, and I haven't seen a doctor since we last tried with HCG in January. And no, I'm not pregnant. I take a HPT every first of the month to make sure I don't wind up on that show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant". Yesterday's test, just as expected came out with a BFN. No surprise there... and it didn't even phase me.
As for the weight thing, yes I know, I know. I can't believe I gained weight either. I was a little depressed as the whole TTC came to a startling halt. That probably contributed to it. But mainly I blame it on letting go. Since letting go of the whole TTC journey, I kinda was like "F- it!" Before I was trying to lose the weight for babymaking, but since that's not gonna happen I decided to enjoy life. Now that I have steady work and the paychecks are coming in regularly, hubby and I have been taking advantage and enjoying going to eat out. We've both actually started to gain weight. And then because I started working so much, I was skipping the gym. And then I get home and I'm super tired and just want to lounge around the house. It's a never ending cycle and I do want to get back on track especially with the girls coming. I hate to validate the stereotype of fat and lazy Americans. (I did some research on culture shock and one of the common first impressions from foreign exchange students are that Americans are fat and lazy.... boooooo) Plus my girls seem really energetic and active and I want to be able to keep up with them. I hope they will be able to motivate me. Maybe I can get them on a student/child membership at the gym. We'll see.
Finally, I just wanted to mention that this is the year for baby showers. I told my mom the other day that I'm at that stage in life where everyone my age is getting pregnant. It's kind of weird, kind of eerie, but I'm so thankful that I've put my TTC days behind me, because this year would suck royally had I still been TTC and not pregnant by now. I finally re-activated my FB account, primarily to keep in touch with the girls (imagine life without social networking, how would we ever be in touch? I mean who writes letters nowadays?... lol... that's sarcasm) and now that I'm back online and in full force, there are friends and family members announcing pregnancies and births left and right! I'm thankful I have a job to afford all these gifts I'm buying. I swear like every month I find out someone new is pregnant. Happy for them, of course, but reminds me more and more that I'm not the one announcing it. Not saying that in a bad way, just that these were some of the people asking me 3 years ago "So when are you gonna have kids?" I guess time flies when you're having fun.
Well that's about all I gotta say for today. Tomorrow is another day and I gotta think about what I want to write about. So see you then.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
It's Official
Well, it's official. Today is CD 37 and AF still has not shown. I took a third HPT test this morning, and drumroll...
I'm NOT pregnant. :(
I guess that means my body back to square one. So much for my hopes and dreams this year to finally have a baby. As much as I didn't want to get my hopes up, I did. Especially with everyone around me getting pregnant and having babies, I figured there was something going around, something in the water. But apparently not. Maybe it's the $6000 water filtration we installed 2 years ago in our home. Maybe it's filtering out all the pregnancy hormones. Lol. I only wish.
So my good friend had her baby on Tuesday. I can't wait to meet her little man. My BFF.s baby bump is coming along nicely. Pregnancy suits her well. As much as it pains me to say this, this will not be our year. And perhaps not even within the next two years. And as much as it hurts me to see negative test after test, I think I've finally come to a conclusion. Hubby and I were discussing it, and it seems IVF is our only option for now. What does that mean? Well it means we have to save up, wait until DH is done with school and working a steady job. Even if we have to get a loan, as I've seen many other TTCs do, we won't be financially stable until we see what our future brings. DH's program will be two years. So until then, I decided to hold off on any plans for a baby. Believe me, it hurts so much to have to say that. And right now it's the only thing we can do. It's a decision I had to make to keep my sanity. Of course we won't stop "trying", we'll never stop trying. But now that the nursery has been converted and all the baby stuff has been put in storage, it will be a little bit easier.... hopefully. I have decided to be the best and I can be, the best friend I can be, the best aunt, daughter and sister I can be, and of course the best wife I can be. Just can't see motherhood in my near future, and so I have to accept that fact. Though this is a hard pill to swallow, I need to look at it as a blessing in disguise. DH and I have always wanted to travel, maybe this means we were meant for a life of traveling and experiencing new and different cultures.
So unless by some miracle of conception, this blog will be on hold for a while. Perhaps I will still update if I decide to test again a year from now... Or if AF is unusually late (which doesn't exist). Maybe I will change the title of this blog and use it to document our experience with being host parents for international students. That will be the closest thing to motherhood I will get to experience.
So here's to hoping that life treats you kindly, and that you are blessed with wonderful children. I must go on my way... signing off....
Monday, April 15, 2013
CD 34 and Some Thoughts
So today I got to thinking... Today is CD 34 and AF has yet to arrive. Not that I'm trying to get my hopes up, but I do find it a bit peculiar. Since Dec, which is when I had my first medicated cycle, I've been "regular". I've had 3 cycles in a row all between 24-26 days. I stopped meds in Jan, and since then have had 2 cycles. Today is day 34 and I'm beginning to wonder if my body is back at square one... A sad thought. However there is a glimmer of hope, though I'm trying not to look too much into it.
A few days ago, I had some spotting that only lasted two days. I warned DH that AF would soon be visiting, as I've had this type of spotting before. Armed with pantyliners, I was prepared for her impending visit. Two days later, spotting was very, very light if not gone. Odd, I thought, though this has happened to me before... Slight spotting, then nothing, then the flood doors open. I figured this would be the same thing. Then today after using the bathroom this morning and still seeing absolutely nothing for the 4th day in a row, I'm now confused. What was that spotting all about? After my shower and getting ready for work this morning, I decide that tomorrow I will test. Not because I think I'm PG, but because AF still hasn't shown and who knows. So I set out a test by the toilet, to remind me to test tomorrow morning. (And just FYI, I did take 2 HPTs early last week anticipating a PG, but both were negative.)
At work this morning after using the bathroom again after my morning dose of caffeine, I looked down and STILL nothing. Not a drop. Weird.... I think. Two days of spotting and still no AF. How can that be? Then literally I hear that record scratch sound effect in my head. Implantation bleeding.... could it be? I log on desperately to my FF account. Spotting started Wednesday... Counting backwards... 11 days since last BD (CD 18). I don't know about O, since I haven't temp'd this cycle. So putting all this together in my head, I text DH and tell him what's going on. I looked online and it said implantation bleeding can occur 4-14 days after conception. This makes sense if you stop and think about it, but I'm trying not to count all my chickens, if you know what I mean. But it doesn't help that i have a slow day at work today, so it's all I can think about this morning. Great... And to think I drank all weekend. Hubby says not to worry, that lots of women drink not knowing they're PG very early in their pregnancies. I know this, but still I worry, because we've waited so long. Will update tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
CD 28 Update
It's CD 28 today and still no AF. I tested Sunday, but no BFP. Maybe I'm jumping the gun. AF had been coming every 24-26 days for the past 3 months, so you see where my impatience stems from. I can't really say I'm late since other than the 2 medicated cycles and last cycle, I'd never really been regular to begin with. I check my underwear constantly looking for any signs of spotting, yet secretly hoping AF doesn't come (because I'm KU). I'm torturing myself :( As I stated in my previous blog, I have not temped this cycle. I'm even forgetting to check CM (which I was never really good at remembering anyway), but I did have a couple of weak moments where I did an OPK. All negative.
I know it's been a few weeks since I last blogged, and this will probably be a trend since nothing is happening in this barren womb of mine. Yes, I'm having a pity party right now. I hadn't thought about TTC in a while, but catching up on YouTube subscriptions and bloggers, I realize that the world has gone on without me. Several gals have gotten their BFP, friends have had babies, and yet I am stuck in what seems like eternal limbo. I didn't realize it until now. Truthfully, I haven't had time to even think about it. I've been busy with work, working on course development for my summer class, catching up with friends, and redecorating/rearranging rooms for our students. Speaking of, the rooms are coming along nicely. We converted our guest room into the bedroom the girls will share and the "nursery" into a study/home gym. Both rooms are finally fully painted. We moved the full size bed out of the guest room and moved it into our room (though we downgraded from a queen, but we've been needing to replace our bed anyways... I guess the end result from too much BDing... hahahahaha) and moved in two twin size beds. Then we placed a nightstand in between them. We moved a chest of drawers from my mom's house into the girls' room, I added some nice bedding and curtains and VOILA! We now have a teenager's room. My maternal instinct was on overdrive this past weekend fixing up the rooms, I tell ya. Then with all the baby stuff moved out of the nursery and locked away in storage, we were able to make the room into the new study/gym. A big change from the emptiness that the room had. With all the baby stuff moved out, it's a bit of a relief not having it staring at me every time I walk into that room. The only thing baby related that is in our house, besides the nursery painted walls, are the vintage carousel horse left in the study (I couldn't bear to leave it in storage), and the glider/ottoman (which I put in the girls' room for lounging). I will post some before and after pics soon, hopefully.
Other than that, no real updates. It seems like I'm getting lazier and more lethargic by the week. It's like I don't give a damn. I've probably gained a little weight... I wouldn't be surprised. I've been doing more social drinking. We've been eating out a lot more. Exercising is on the bottom of my list right now. I just have NO motivation whatsoever. Plus, I've stopped taking my Vitex and pre-natal vitamins. However, I'm still going to acupuncture twice a week. Hubby says he wants to start losing weight; usually I'm the one trying to get him on board. But now, I'm like "go ahead... I'll catch up". I'm hoping I can find some motivation in seeing him lose the weight, then maybe that'll give me the push I need.
I know it's been a few weeks since I last blogged, and this will probably be a trend since nothing is happening in this barren womb of mine. Yes, I'm having a pity party right now. I hadn't thought about TTC in a while, but catching up on YouTube subscriptions and bloggers, I realize that the world has gone on without me. Several gals have gotten their BFP, friends have had babies, and yet I am stuck in what seems like eternal limbo. I didn't realize it until now. Truthfully, I haven't had time to even think about it. I've been busy with work, working on course development for my summer class, catching up with friends, and redecorating/rearranging rooms for our students. Speaking of, the rooms are coming along nicely. We converted our guest room into the bedroom the girls will share and the "nursery" into a study/home gym. Both rooms are finally fully painted. We moved the full size bed out of the guest room and moved it into our room (though we downgraded from a queen, but we've been needing to replace our bed anyways... I guess the end result from too much BDing... hahahahaha) and moved in two twin size beds. Then we placed a nightstand in between them. We moved a chest of drawers from my mom's house into the girls' room, I added some nice bedding and curtains and VOILA! We now have a teenager's room. My maternal instinct was on overdrive this past weekend fixing up the rooms, I tell ya. Then with all the baby stuff moved out of the nursery and locked away in storage, we were able to make the room into the new study/gym. A big change from the emptiness that the room had. With all the baby stuff moved out, it's a bit of a relief not having it staring at me every time I walk into that room. The only thing baby related that is in our house, besides the nursery painted walls, are the vintage carousel horse left in the study (I couldn't bear to leave it in storage), and the glider/ottoman (which I put in the girls' room for lounging). I will post some before and after pics soon, hopefully.
Other than that, no real updates. It seems like I'm getting lazier and more lethargic by the week. It's like I don't give a damn. I've probably gained a little weight... I wouldn't be surprised. I've been doing more social drinking. We've been eating out a lot more. Exercising is on the bottom of my list right now. I just have NO motivation whatsoever. Plus, I've stopped taking my Vitex and pre-natal vitamins. However, I'm still going to acupuncture twice a week. Hubby says he wants to start losing weight; usually I'm the one trying to get him on board. But now, I'm like "go ahead... I'll catch up". I'm hoping I can find some motivation in seeing him lose the weight, then maybe that'll give me the push I need.
Friday, February 22, 2013
The Room
As infertiles, thoughts of babies can sometimes consume us. I have been one of the more hopeful ones that has taken my imagination to another level. Some of us dream of having a nursery one day and even go as far as moving forward with the hopes that a baby will be on board in the near future. To add to that, I haven't made it a secret, that I've been stocking up on pre-conception baby buys. I KNOW I'm not alone, as I have bonded with other gals for this very same reason. It is without doubt that my imagination has been filled with thoughts of one day having a baby to go with that nursery.
Right now, our "nursery" serves as a junk/storage room. I will quote one of my fellow TTC bloggers, Liz, from Wishing on a Snowflake. "Many infertiles have a junk room just like this. It's the room that is the would-be nursery, but ends up being a messy, cluttered, and out-of-control physical representation of their lives. It's a painful reminder of what they don't have, and may never have. It's limbo." So you can only imagine how this makes me feel everytime I step into The Room. Hopefully that will all change with this new chapter of our lives. As I had mentioned in a previous post, DH and I were considering hosting a foreign exchange student this coming school year. Well after discussion, we have decided to move forward with the process and have already passed the first stage... background checks. We got the word that we have now been accepted into the program and are in the student selection process. Because we feel that we will be such AWESOME parents one day, we both decided that we would like to host TWO students! I can't describe how undeniable my maternal instinct is right now. It's on overdrive! LOL. So we talked about it and we are planning on hosting two girls. I have two nieces that will be around the same age, so I think having female students will be nice. They will both be high schoolers.
So with that, today will be spent cleaning and getting our house ready. I know that doesn't sound very exciting at face value, but it actually is. Because today marks the start of moving away from the dreadfulness of that room. Some time ago I wanted to paint The Room, so had to move all the junk that was stored in it into our guest room. Well, after finding out about that failed cycle, I quit mid-paint project and now we literally have a half painted empty junk room (metaphor for my uterus.... perhaps, hahaha) and a junky guest bedroom (my ovaries? bwahaha). I wasn't motivated enough to finish or organize either. But that is changing today. We now will convert The Room into a study/home gym. The girls will be sharing the guest bedroom, and we will put two desks, a computer and workout equipment into the newly defined extra room. That means packing up and storing all of our baby stuff. It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, but I'm super excited to make the changes. This is very symbolic, it means I'm ready to move forward and stop obsessing about TTC. I'm hoping that by hosting the girls this year, it will help soothe some of those maternal cravings. I can "RELAX" (sarcastically speaking), like so many of the unsolicited advise people say. Of course this doesn't mean we are going to stop trying, and I don't know if we ever will. But I AM GOING TO FINISH painting that room and until we do become pregnant, I can put it to good use.
Finally, the pain can slowly subside....
Right now, our "nursery" serves as a junk/storage room. I will quote one of my fellow TTC bloggers, Liz, from Wishing on a Snowflake. "Many infertiles have a junk room just like this. It's the room that is the would-be nursery, but ends up being a messy, cluttered, and out-of-control physical representation of their lives. It's a painful reminder of what they don't have, and may never have. It's limbo." So you can only imagine how this makes me feel everytime I step into The Room. Hopefully that will all change with this new chapter of our lives. As I had mentioned in a previous post, DH and I were considering hosting a foreign exchange student this coming school year. Well after discussion, we have decided to move forward with the process and have already passed the first stage... background checks. We got the word that we have now been accepted into the program and are in the student selection process. Because we feel that we will be such AWESOME parents one day, we both decided that we would like to host TWO students! I can't describe how undeniable my maternal instinct is right now. It's on overdrive! LOL. So we talked about it and we are planning on hosting two girls. I have two nieces that will be around the same age, so I think having female students will be nice. They will both be high schoolers.
So with that, today will be spent cleaning and getting our house ready. I know that doesn't sound very exciting at face value, but it actually is. Because today marks the start of moving away from the dreadfulness of that room. Some time ago I wanted to paint The Room, so had to move all the junk that was stored in it into our guest room. Well, after finding out about that failed cycle, I quit mid-paint project and now we literally have a half painted empty junk room (metaphor for my uterus.... perhaps, hahaha) and a junky guest bedroom (my ovaries? bwahaha). I wasn't motivated enough to finish or organize either. But that is changing today. We now will convert The Room into a study/home gym. The girls will be sharing the guest bedroom, and we will put two desks, a computer and workout equipment into the newly defined extra room. That means packing up and storing all of our baby stuff. It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, but I'm super excited to make the changes. This is very symbolic, it means I'm ready to move forward and stop obsessing about TTC. I'm hoping that by hosting the girls this year, it will help soothe some of those maternal cravings. I can "RELAX" (sarcastically speaking), like so many of the unsolicited advise people say. Of course this doesn't mean we are going to stop trying, and I don't know if we ever will. But I AM GOING TO FINISH painting that room and until we do become pregnant, I can put it to good use.
Finally, the pain can slowly subside....
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
On to Plan B
Well I have been offered an amazing opportunity to do begin accupuncture therapy. Because I have a dear friend who is a medical practitioner and practices accupuncture, they have offered me treatment in fertility accupuncture. I'm so excited and super thankful to be given the chance to dabble in the miracles of Eastern medicine. To aid in my accupuncture sessions, I have also decided to begin taking natural herbal remedies. I have done a bit of research on Vitex (Chaste Berry) and saw that it has been very beneficial to alot of women who deal with IF, hormonal and menstrual issues. I'm excited to see where this path takes us during our journey. As always, I am optimistic. I understand this will not be a quick and easy "fix", and accept that it may take us several more months before success. Either way I am staying positive in hopes that this will be our big break.
In the meantime, I have ordered a special handmade necklace from an Esty seller. http://www.etsy.com/listing/93058776/on-sale-hand-stamped-infertility I have made a few customizations to reflect our journey and hope it will help attract positive energy as we continue our journey.
FXd!
In the meantime, I have ordered a special handmade necklace from an Esty seller. http://www.etsy.com/listing/93058776/on-sale-hand-stamped-infertility I have made a few customizations to reflect our journey and hope it will help attract positive energy as we continue our journey.
FXd!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Update - CD 15
2:30 pm
So here I am sitting in the waiting room, waiting on them to call me in for the u/s. DH is here with me playing games on his phone or something like that. I'm nervous and my plantar fascitis is giving me problems today. I hope this right now is the pit of my day.
Last night and this morning I have had EWCM. So now I have my hopes up. Still no positive OPK, but this afternoon's test was the darkest I've seen it. Today is CD 15 and fifteen is my lucky number. I'm wearing "lucky" socks and I feel good. Are my hopes too high? I hope not.
2:40pm
There's another pt here, sitting next to me, with a newborn in a stroller. Stay calm, Mely. I guess that's the price u pay coming to an OB/Gyn. What's taking so long? My appt was at 2pm.
3:00 pm
Just got done with u/s. Waiting on doc to follow-up. DH was there to hold my hand. Measurements looked good, but then again I may be mistaken like last time. She measured my endometrium, my uterus, my ovaries and my follicles. "Numbers look promising don't they?" I ask DH. He tells me he didn't know what the heck he was even looking at. LOL. I'm hoping for 2 good follies, but one would do just fine.
3:30 pm
Just got called in for my appt with doc. Waiting in exam room. Will post a quick video in a bit. FX!
4:00 pm
Still waiting on doc..... I'm going stir crazy and I'm starving :(
4:30 pm
It's a go! Doc just walked in not even spending FIVE minutes with us. "We're gonna go ahead and release it. Then u and ur husband are going to do ur business tomorrow night and the following night. Ur gonna wear him out. But he's a lucky man to be married to such a beautiful woman." Then walks out. No other info.
4:35 pm
Injection done :) In my right hip. It stings a little. They want me to wait 10 min more to make sure I don't have an allergic reaction to the meds. I ask nurse if I can get a little more information on my measurments so that I can journal about it. She says the other nurse will come in a bit to answer my questions.
Okay, so I guess they were using that to bill when I had insurance. Either way, hubby and I are on cloud 9! We can't wait to see what this year will bring us. And to think, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Hopefully I will have even better things to celebrate. BFP, BFP, BFP!!! Go Team ***! (Thanks L for helping me to coin the phrase) :)
So here I am sitting in the waiting room, waiting on them to call me in for the u/s. DH is here with me playing games on his phone or something like that. I'm nervous and my plantar fascitis is giving me problems today. I hope this right now is the pit of my day.
Last night and this morning I have had EWCM. So now I have my hopes up. Still no positive OPK, but this afternoon's test was the darkest I've seen it. Today is CD 15 and fifteen is my lucky number. I'm wearing "lucky" socks and I feel good. Are my hopes too high? I hope not.
2:40pm
There's another pt here, sitting next to me, with a newborn in a stroller. Stay calm, Mely. I guess that's the price u pay coming to an OB/Gyn. What's taking so long? My appt was at 2pm.
3:00 pm
Just got done with u/s. Waiting on doc to follow-up. DH was there to hold my hand. Measurements looked good, but then again I may be mistaken like last time. She measured my endometrium, my uterus, my ovaries and my follicles. "Numbers look promising don't they?" I ask DH. He tells me he didn't know what the heck he was even looking at. LOL. I'm hoping for 2 good follies, but one would do just fine.
3:30 pm
Just got called in for my appt with doc. Waiting in exam room. Will post a quick video in a bit. FX!
(sorry video is sideways)
4:00 pm
Still waiting on doc..... I'm going stir crazy and I'm starving :(
4:30 pm
It's a go! Doc just walked in not even spending FIVE minutes with us. "We're gonna go ahead and release it. Then u and ur husband are going to do ur business tomorrow night and the following night. Ur gonna wear him out. But he's a lucky man to be married to such a beautiful woman." Then walks out. No other info.
4:35 pm
Injection done :) In my right hip. It stings a little. They want me to wait 10 min more to make sure I don't have an allergic reaction to the meds. I ask nurse if I can get a little more information on my measurments so that I can journal about it. She says the other nurse will come in a bit to answer my questions.
4:55 pm
Doc comes in instead. I ask him about my measurments. He says "2". Umm, hello? Two what? Turns out I actually have 2 mature follicles! They both measure 2 cm (20 mm) which is awesome! One on the left AND one on the right! My endometrium lining is 8 mm, also great! "What about the prometrium? When do I start taking that?" I ask him. "Monday" he says. Again I ask him about TI. Yes, tomorrow and the day after. Don't do anything tonight. "Put it in the bank. Save it for tomorrow," he says. That was pretty much all for our visit today. As I was checking out, I saw my superbill had ICD 9 code 626.4, which I looked up.
2012 ICD-9-CM Diagnosis Code 626.4
Irregular menstrual cycle
- Deviations from the normal process; e.g. delayed, difficult, profuse, scanty, unusual bleeding, etc.
- Short description: Irregular menstruation.
Okay, so I guess they were using that to bill when I had insurance. Either way, hubby and I are on cloud 9! We can't wait to see what this year will bring us. And to think, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Hopefully I will have even better things to celebrate. BFP, BFP, BFP!!! Go Team ***! (Thanks L for helping me to coin the phrase) :)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Update Cycle #2
Today is CD13 and I just had a date with the vag cam. DH was with me today, but the procedure was still uncomfortable. Hubby is coming down with a cold of some sort, but I hope this doesn't inhibit our TI. So I got the scan, then we had to wait nearly 45 min for my appt with Trudy. She finally came to get us and tell us the news. Basically, I don't have any mature follicles as of yet, but one has the potential to grow in the next couple of days. On my right ovary, I only have one little bitty tiny follicle that measured 5mm. Too small to do anything for this cycle. On the left ovary, however, I have one that measured 14mm and that's the one she says can possibly grow bigger in the next few days. So she wants me to schedule another u/s for Friday, which is in 2 days, to see if it has grown any bigger. That will determine whether we trigger or wait until the next cycle. I'm keeping my fingers and toes tightly crossed that it's the first. This is the closest I've come so far. We still discussed what our next step will be should I not get my BFP this cycle :( I don't really want to think about it though. Essentially, she will increase the Clomid to 100mg for five days and run the follicle search again. I don't want to even think about moving forward with a 3rd cycle, because 1: that's already halfway to being done with using Clomid (it really only works within the first 6 cycles), 2: that's more money coming out of our pockets (we decided not to go with COBRA and so we're paying cash for everything), 3: that's waiting one more month (given I get AF on time) again. So that is that. I scheduled my scan for Friday afternoon, but this time I'm going to follow-up with the doc instead. Hubby and I were talking about the appt afterwards and he's really hopeful this cycle. I guess I'm just trying to be a realist and maybe I've been on the boards too long, but 14mm doesn't seem like that big a deal to me. But I'm trying to stay optimistic. DH says he's going to refer to it as "Lefty" in hopes of bringing some positive vibes to the situation. If anything, he made me smile.
In other news, I start my new job tomorrow. I'm excited about that. Weather has been kinda crappy and I hate driving when it's ugly outside. This new job is on the other side of town and I'm not looking forward to the drive. That just means I'll have to leave extra early tomorrow morning. Also, one of my old employers called me today. She's having issues with the tech she has now and more than likely gonna let him go. Guess who's coming to the rescue? We haven't discussed employment details yet, but I'm pretty sure whatever happens, it'll be in my favor. This doctor and I have a very close comraderie and I'm sure she'll be happy to have me back on her staff. So that's three PT jobs total and I'm working on getting 2 more, so hopefully that will keep us pretty comfortable, financially, in the meantime. It's still not FT, but it's close and that's fine with me. That's all for now. I'll update on Friday.
In other news, I start my new job tomorrow. I'm excited about that. Weather has been kinda crappy and I hate driving when it's ugly outside. This new job is on the other side of town and I'm not looking forward to the drive. That just means I'll have to leave extra early tomorrow morning. Also, one of my old employers called me today. She's having issues with the tech she has now and more than likely gonna let him go. Guess who's coming to the rescue? We haven't discussed employment details yet, but I'm pretty sure whatever happens, it'll be in my favor. This doctor and I have a very close comraderie and I'm sure she'll be happy to have me back on her staff. So that's three PT jobs total and I'm working on getting 2 more, so hopefully that will keep us pretty comfortable, financially, in the meantime. It's still not FT, but it's close and that's fine with me. That's all for now. I'll update on Friday.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Clomid Cycle #1 Fail :(
So I had my hopes up that this cycle would work. I know it's just our first medicated cycle, but I was really optimistic that this would be the one. Sadly I was mistaken...
I went in for my follicle search yesterday, highly anticipating good news. The US was very uncomfortable and she had the probe shoved in pretty deep. I don't know much about what I was seeing, but I do know she was measuring something. I could see numbers like 28mm and 32 mm which I got really excited about. From what I've been reading online, mature follicles are over 24 mm big. I asked the tech whether she could tell if I ovulated or not since I had a "positive" OPK on CD 10, but she told me she couldn't tell me and that I would have to talk to the nurse. The procedure was done in about 10 minutes and she had me wait for Trudy.
When Trudy brought me into her office, she told me that the search found no mature follicles. I knew what this meant and immediately felt crushed. I was alone, so I couldn't let myself fall apart. Basically, the US had found no dominant follicle, meaning I wouldn't be ovulating this cycle. Therefore we had to cancel the trigger. She proceeded to tell me that we would try another cycle this time increasing my dosage on the Serophene (clomid) to one and a half tablets for five days; again starting on CD3. Then we would do another follicle search again on CD14, and hopefully be able to trigger. She told me that if the second cycle didn't work, she would schedule me a lap (laproscopy). This is a day surgery in which the doctor would go in and zap the "cysts" from my ovaries, thereby enabling them to work a little better. Then we would try another medicated cycle, hoping the surgery fixed the problem. Again, small steps at a time, but unfortunately more money out of our pockets since my insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments. She also asked me if the hubby and I had talked about IVF. I was a little shocked she brought this up considering it was only my 1st clomid cycle, but considering how agressive we are being with the IF treatments, I shouldn't have been surprised. I told her we discussed it very briefly but hadn't made any decisions. She gave me a heads up on the costs.... approximately $12,000 all said and done for ONE treatment! And there's NO guarantee it would work. I didn't say much after that and told her we were gonna keep trying with the meds until I can't do anymore. Clomid works best when used within the first 6 cycles and after that the success rate declines. But she said we could try up to 9 cycles if we wanted to choose that route. I told her we'd take one cycle at a time and she agreed that was the best decision, but wanted to give all options. She asked how I was doing and if all was okay. I kinda just shrugged my shoulders and told her it's been hard, but what could I do. I left after exchanging wishes for a happy holiday season with her and she said she'd see me next year.
Walking to my car, I had this huge lump in my throat and I was rushing to get into my car so that I could let it out. When I got in, I called JC and told him everything that happened and burst into tears. He too was disappointed, but tried to be strong for me. He told me to just keep doing what I've been doing to lose weight and hopefully in a month I would lose a few more pounds that will help with IF. I know, I know. But it's just so hard to get up and dust yourself off. I really didn't want to go to the gym after that, but I forced myself and did the most cardio I've done thus far. An hour and a half (usually I just do an hour).
We still stuck to our TI scheudle and BD last night, though it was kind of bittersweet. We have one more day of TI tomorrow and that will be the end for this cycle (planned BD that is, lol). I'm supposed to start taking the prometrium tomorrow through day 32/34 and stop if BFN. Till then, all I can do is hope for two lines on my OPK even though Trudy said there wasn't really any chance I'd O this cycle. Still hoping though.
So until then, we wait for AF so that we can start over.
IF sux, in case I haven't stated the obvious.
I went in for my follicle search yesterday, highly anticipating good news. The US was very uncomfortable and she had the probe shoved in pretty deep. I don't know much about what I was seeing, but I do know she was measuring something. I could see numbers like 28mm and 32 mm which I got really excited about. From what I've been reading online, mature follicles are over 24 mm big. I asked the tech whether she could tell if I ovulated or not since I had a "positive" OPK on CD 10, but she told me she couldn't tell me and that I would have to talk to the nurse. The procedure was done in about 10 minutes and she had me wait for Trudy.
When Trudy brought me into her office, she told me that the search found no mature follicles. I knew what this meant and immediately felt crushed. I was alone, so I couldn't let myself fall apart. Basically, the US had found no dominant follicle, meaning I wouldn't be ovulating this cycle. Therefore we had to cancel the trigger. She proceeded to tell me that we would try another cycle this time increasing my dosage on the Serophene (clomid) to one and a half tablets for five days; again starting on CD3. Then we would do another follicle search again on CD14, and hopefully be able to trigger. She told me that if the second cycle didn't work, she would schedule me a lap (laproscopy). This is a day surgery in which the doctor would go in and zap the "cysts" from my ovaries, thereby enabling them to work a little better. Then we would try another medicated cycle, hoping the surgery fixed the problem. Again, small steps at a time, but unfortunately more money out of our pockets since my insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments. She also asked me if the hubby and I had talked about IVF. I was a little shocked she brought this up considering it was only my 1st clomid cycle, but considering how agressive we are being with the IF treatments, I shouldn't have been surprised. I told her we discussed it very briefly but hadn't made any decisions. She gave me a heads up on the costs.... approximately $12,000 all said and done for ONE treatment! And there's NO guarantee it would work. I didn't say much after that and told her we were gonna keep trying with the meds until I can't do anymore. Clomid works best when used within the first 6 cycles and after that the success rate declines. But she said we could try up to 9 cycles if we wanted to choose that route. I told her we'd take one cycle at a time and she agreed that was the best decision, but wanted to give all options. She asked how I was doing and if all was okay. I kinda just shrugged my shoulders and told her it's been hard, but what could I do. I left after exchanging wishes for a happy holiday season with her and she said she'd see me next year.
Walking to my car, I had this huge lump in my throat and I was rushing to get into my car so that I could let it out. When I got in, I called JC and told him everything that happened and burst into tears. He too was disappointed, but tried to be strong for me. He told me to just keep doing what I've been doing to lose weight and hopefully in a month I would lose a few more pounds that will help with IF. I know, I know. But it's just so hard to get up and dust yourself off. I really didn't want to go to the gym after that, but I forced myself and did the most cardio I've done thus far. An hour and a half (usually I just do an hour).
We still stuck to our TI scheudle and BD last night, though it was kind of bittersweet. We have one more day of TI tomorrow and that will be the end for this cycle (planned BD that is, lol). I'm supposed to start taking the prometrium tomorrow through day 32/34 and stop if BFN. Till then, all I can do is hope for two lines on my OPK even though Trudy said there wasn't really any chance I'd O this cycle. Still hoping though.
So until then, we wait for AF so that we can start over.
IF sux, in case I haven't stated the obvious.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Update TTC #1, Clomid Cycle #1, CD8
So yesterday I had an appt with Trudy, the NP Fertility Specialist. This is the 2nd time I see her. Dr. Holt, who did my cervical dilation last week, wanted me to see her so that we could discuss taking more aggressive measures to get me KU. Well I went to see her yesterday afternoon and she basically told me that this cycle, we could do the HCG injection instead of waiting for cycle #3. Then she explained that if this cyle didn't work with the injection, we would bump it up to IUI next cycle. In order for me to get the HCG, I have to have my follicles monitored to make sure that they will be large enough to move forward with the HCG. I get that done on Dec 17th and if follies are good to go, I will get the injection. From there, we are to time our BD 24, 32, and 38 hours later after the injection. But because JC will be at work, we will have to modify that. So basically we should BD the day after and twice two days after. She also told me that should it fail this cycle, we could do the IUI next cycle. I asked her if we had the option to do it this cycle and she said yes. She did a run through of the costs and it would come out to $370 for the whole procedure, everything included. She told me to discuss it with hubby that night and let her know when I come in on the 17th what our decision was. If we opted for the IUI, it would be done the day after the HCG, so the 18th. Last night, when JC got home we discussed it and decided we would do natural insemination this cycle. If no luck, then we would do IUI the next cycle. I have faith that his swimmers will know what to do and that there won't be any problem on his end. After all, his SA came back normal. So until then, I can only hope that our first cycle is all we really need. We will continue to BD every other day on even cycle days until the 17th, then resume the other protocol. I'm hoping and trusting in my body that all I really needed was a "boost" to the hormones. I hope this works. I'm being very optimistic.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
AF marks CD1
Well today is official CD1! I couldn't be more excited! Yes, I know it means that I'm not pregnant, however, it also means that I can finally start my fertility treatment. My nurse told me to schedule a cervical dilation once my cycle starts and this morning I called for an appointment. I made it for Friday which is in three days. In the meantime, I've still been temping and taking my prenatal vitamins, metformin, and dostinex. Thursday I will start Serophene (clomid) which will be CD3! I'm super excited about that too! I will take it consecutively for five days then starting on CD16 I will start the prometrium (progesterone supplement). Also starting on day 10 we will BD, which I'm sure hubby will be happy about :) I'm hoping for a little surprise at the end of this month or something really big to celebrate the new year! I think Christmas will be a little too early to tell anything.
Also, I decorated our Christmas tree last night. We still have the same blue and silver decorations. I've decided to start adding a new Christmas tree ornament each year to commemorate something big that's happened that year. We didn't add anything last year, so this year I'm buying two ornaments. One for last year and one for this year. For last year's ornament, I chose a white birdhouse ornament with two birds. It says "New Home". I bought it on ebay for $5. It says 2010, but I will try and change it to 2011. For this year's ornament, I chose a blue light-up Houston Texans ornament (also bought on ebay). We really haven't done much this year, other than me getting re-hired and JC going to school, but I figured with the Texans cinching the lead in the playoffs this year with current stats at 11-1, I would support my team and buy an ornament in their honor. When JC graduates school we can get an ornament to commemorate it which will be in 2014. And hopefully on next year's Christmas tree, we will have an ornament saying "Baby's First Christmas"! I'm sooooo excited!
I've also been doing a little splurging and induging in my guilty pleasures. I've been making some pre-baby buys. Most recently taking advantage of After Thanksgiving and Cyber Monday deals. So far I've purchased a bassinet/playpen/changing station baby center, a walker, and a Boppy with slipcover. Another thing I've been scouting are cloth diapers. I've been looking at various reviews and tutorials on youtube and alot of users recommend purchasing a few different brands/styles to see which work best for you. So far I'm leaning more towards prefolds/inserts and all in ones. I have a few that I'm tempted to purchase already. Hubby knows this and is trying to get me to go easy. Damn my compulsive shopping. LOL. I may be jumping to soon in buying everything, but with this new burst of renewed positivity and optimism, I'm looking forward to starting on the nursery and baby buying. I don't want to leave things to the last minute. And speaking of the nursery, I've already purchased wall paint in a pale yellow (straw) that I will be using on the walls. I will paint the trim and shelving white. It is gender neutral so it won't matter on the sex of the baby. Also still undecided what theme to run with. I love the jungle/monkey theme, but I think it may be to boyish, and therefore still contemplating the circus theme. We shall see.... Also working on redecorating the rest of the house so that it has our personality infused in it. It still has paint from the previous owner that I despise... ugh.... pink everywhere. I've done some inspiration boards on pinterest as I brainstorm ideas.
Well that's about it. I will update on testing and my cycle when things change. Keeping fingers crossed!
Also, I decorated our Christmas tree last night. We still have the same blue and silver decorations. I've decided to start adding a new Christmas tree ornament each year to commemorate something big that's happened that year. We didn't add anything last year, so this year I'm buying two ornaments. One for last year and one for this year. For last year's ornament, I chose a white birdhouse ornament with two birds. It says "New Home". I bought it on ebay for $5. It says 2010, but I will try and change it to 2011. For this year's ornament, I chose a blue light-up Houston Texans ornament (also bought on ebay). We really haven't done much this year, other than me getting re-hired and JC going to school, but I figured with the Texans cinching the lead in the playoffs this year with current stats at 11-1, I would support my team and buy an ornament in their honor. When JC graduates school we can get an ornament to commemorate it which will be in 2014. And hopefully on next year's Christmas tree, we will have an ornament saying "Baby's First Christmas"! I'm sooooo excited!
I've also been doing a little splurging and induging in my guilty pleasures. I've been making some pre-baby buys. Most recently taking advantage of After Thanksgiving and Cyber Monday deals. So far I've purchased a bassinet/playpen/changing station baby center, a walker, and a Boppy with slipcover. Another thing I've been scouting are cloth diapers. I've been looking at various reviews and tutorials on youtube and alot of users recommend purchasing a few different brands/styles to see which work best for you. So far I'm leaning more towards prefolds/inserts and all in ones. I have a few that I'm tempted to purchase already. Hubby knows this and is trying to get me to go easy. Damn my compulsive shopping. LOL. I may be jumping to soon in buying everything, but with this new burst of renewed positivity and optimism, I'm looking forward to starting on the nursery and baby buying. I don't want to leave things to the last minute. And speaking of the nursery, I've already purchased wall paint in a pale yellow (straw) that I will be using on the walls. I will paint the trim and shelving white. It is gender neutral so it won't matter on the sex of the baby. Also still undecided what theme to run with. I love the jungle/monkey theme, but I think it may be to boyish, and therefore still contemplating the circus theme. We shall see.... Also working on redecorating the rest of the house so that it has our personality infused in it. It still has paint from the previous owner that I despise... ugh.... pink everywhere. I've done some inspiration boards on pinterest as I brainstorm ideas.
Well that's about it. I will update on testing and my cycle when things change. Keeping fingers crossed!
Friday, June 1, 2012
Updates
So it's been a while since I last posted and some things have changed since then. I fell off the wagon a couple of months ago. And gained back nearly every pound I had lost. I also got a new job. I got re-hired with the company that laid me off last year and started at the beginning of May. Since then, my health insurance has been reinstated so now I have medical coverage. First thing on the list?.... Go for a full workup with a OB/Gyn. I found a group in Houston when I was researching infertility. It's called Women's Health Care Center of Houston and they have several locations around the Houston area. I made an appointment with one of the nurse practitioners there, Mary Helen and first saw her about 3 weeks ago. I was going there with the impression that I had developed PCOS and thereby making us infertile. At my last Well-Woman exam, the midwife there suggested that I look into getting a workup done to get that checked out. Since then, I've done some research on what it is, how it's managed, and how I can overcome infertility. I was almost positive that this is what I had since I had all the signs and symptoms of it. My intent in going to the clinic earlier this month was to get that diagnosed and treated. During my consult, Mary Helen discussed with me the importance of losing weight in order to get all these problems under control; a lecture, I've heard many a times and knew inside and out. I told her about my lack of success of losing weight and the yo-yo dieting I've gone through throughout the years; again, being fully aware that this is something she's heard time and time again. Still got the lecture and details of what my diet and excercise should consist of... blah, blah, blah. I know this all too well... after all, I have had success losing weight, it's just that keeping it off and lack of motivation are what the problems are. Either way, she sent me off with a long list of blood work to be done and an appointment with the ultrasound tech to have my ovaries and uterus looked at. I had my blood drawn a few days later and a week after that (yesterday), I had my ultrasound which was a bit uncomfortable. I guess it's what to expect when you have a long probe sticking into your girly bits and moving around down there, all the while having to push down on your ovaries, can give anyone discomfort.
Anyhow, today was my follow-up with Mary Helen and JC was there to join me this time. Turns out that I DO NOT have PCOS, but I still have issues with my hormone levels. She had diagnosed me with 1)Hypothyroidism 2)Borderline Diabetic 3) Hyperprolactinemia 4)Excessive testosterone production and 5)Mild fatty liver. What does this all mean? Basically, since my hormones are all out of whack, I am unable to ovulate, therefore I don't have regular menstrual cycles. This mostly is due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones to stimulate my pituitary gland into regulating everything else. Therefore my body produces more prolactin and testosterone (also hormones). And all these contribute to the signs and symptoms I had originally thought were caused by PCOS (obesity, facial hair, acne, irritability, amenorrhea/oligomemorrhea, food cravings, dark skin patches, low energy, and infertility). I asked her if these were all caused from me being obese and she said it could be possibly both obesity and genetics. Either way, losing weight is still gonna have to be my main goal, since weigh loss can decrease all these problems. Understood. So she is putting me on 3 medications to control these hormones and according to her in about 2-4 weeks my hormones should level out to produce regular menstrual cycles. Then in about 3 months (hopefully!), AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS... I may be able to get pregnant!!! JC and I are soooooooo excited! That's the best thing I've heard in a long, long, time. It gives me renewed hope! I can't wait! She said once AF comes, I should have my labs re-drawn to see what my levels look like, so she gave me the lab slip for when that time comes around. Also, she gave us a referral to a fertility clinic to have hubby's sperm analyzed so that we can have all our bases covered. I'm not really worried about that, since I'm pretty sure that it's all me... but you never know. Hubby is game for anything and being really supportive during this time.
Speaking of which, we've both been eating better and managing our food intake. I'm still using Spark People and have even started using their menu plans (although there's been some hits and misses). Also, I joined Curves gym on a free 30-day trial run. My thoughts so far is that this is not gonna be for me. Though I enjoy the small gym and circuit rotations, the setting is a bit to intimate for me. There's only a few women who are there at a time and with the exercise coach there in full view, she gives you a lot of focus and attention; something that makes me a bit uncomfortable. I also went to me very first Zumba class last nigh, and I LOVED it! I may have a bit of social anxiety, but I like the idea of disappearing in the crowd. With everyone around you dancing and sweating and no one there you know, I don't feel like I'm being judged and I can just blend into to background of people. I worked up quite a sweat and it felt good! Best of all, it's free! I think this will be my weapon of choice... Zumba here I come! Also, I'm thinking of bringing my nieces along for the experience. I think it's something they would enjoy too... and also trying to still get my sis to tag along.
So that's all for now. Last week's weigh in I was down 6 pounds! So keep it up Mely!!!
Anyhow, today was my follow-up with Mary Helen and JC was there to join me this time. Turns out that I DO NOT have PCOS, but I still have issues with my hormone levels. She had diagnosed me with 1)Hypothyroidism 2)Borderline Diabetic 3) Hyperprolactinemia 4)Excessive testosterone production and 5)Mild fatty liver. What does this all mean? Basically, since my hormones are all out of whack, I am unable to ovulate, therefore I don't have regular menstrual cycles. This mostly is due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones to stimulate my pituitary gland into regulating everything else. Therefore my body produces more prolactin and testosterone (also hormones). And all these contribute to the signs and symptoms I had originally thought were caused by PCOS (obesity, facial hair, acne, irritability, amenorrhea/oligomemorrhea, food cravings, dark skin patches, low energy, and infertility). I asked her if these were all caused from me being obese and she said it could be possibly both obesity and genetics. Either way, losing weight is still gonna have to be my main goal, since weigh loss can decrease all these problems. Understood. So she is putting me on 3 medications to control these hormones and according to her in about 2-4 weeks my hormones should level out to produce regular menstrual cycles. Then in about 3 months (hopefully!), AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS... I may be able to get pregnant!!! JC and I are soooooooo excited! That's the best thing I've heard in a long, long, time. It gives me renewed hope! I can't wait! She said once AF comes, I should have my labs re-drawn to see what my levels look like, so she gave me the lab slip for when that time comes around. Also, she gave us a referral to a fertility clinic to have hubby's sperm analyzed so that we can have all our bases covered. I'm not really worried about that, since I'm pretty sure that it's all me... but you never know. Hubby is game for anything and being really supportive during this time.
Speaking of which, we've both been eating better and managing our food intake. I'm still using Spark People and have even started using their menu plans (although there's been some hits and misses). Also, I joined Curves gym on a free 30-day trial run. My thoughts so far is that this is not gonna be for me. Though I enjoy the small gym and circuit rotations, the setting is a bit to intimate for me. There's only a few women who are there at a time and with the exercise coach there in full view, she gives you a lot of focus and attention; something that makes me a bit uncomfortable. I also went to me very first Zumba class last nigh, and I LOVED it! I may have a bit of social anxiety, but I like the idea of disappearing in the crowd. With everyone around you dancing and sweating and no one there you know, I don't feel like I'm being judged and I can just blend into to background of people. I worked up quite a sweat and it felt good! Best of all, it's free! I think this will be my weapon of choice... Zumba here I come! Also, I'm thinking of bringing my nieces along for the experience. I think it's something they would enjoy too... and also trying to still get my sis to tag along.
So that's all for now. Last week's weigh in I was down 6 pounds! So keep it up Mely!!!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Reply & Week 2 results
So someone actually replied to one of my Board posts on SparkPeople. She lives in Houston and is looking for a WL buddy. Here is my reply...
Hi Lisa,
My name is Mely. Nice to meet you and thanks for the reply. I too live in the NW area, near the horse racetrack, if you know where that is. So tell me a little about your goals. I've been on and fallen off the wagon a few times now. I've tried multiple diets including the Master Cleanse, being vegitarian, cutting out sweets, Quick Weigh Loss Centers, counting calories, etc. I've had the most success with QWLC, but it gets very expensive and when I couldn't afford it anymore, I quit and let myself go and unfortunately gained all my weight back. I work in the medical field so I know the problems that come along with obesity, plus I have a family history of diabetes so that's always a concern for me. As of right now, I am not diabetic. I get myself checked out annually for it, cuz it's always on the back of my mind. More recently, my husband and I have been trying to conceive our first baby and so far have no luck. I've always known it would probably be difficult since my menstrual cycles are irregular and my weight is probably the main cause for that. My doctor told me that the best thing to do was lose weight. It's very sad and frustrating knowing that I'm probably the cause of our infertility and I'm intent on losing this weight forever. I also want to set an example for my family (my parents are overweight and so is my husband) and my future children. I've been overweight my entire life so I know the emotional, social, and physical hardships that come along with being a "fat" girl and I don't want my kids to go through that.
So my plans right now include changing my eating habits for good. I'm watching my calorie intake and exercising on a regular basis. I'm not at all athletic, so I'm starting out small. Just doing workout videos at home at monitoring my heart rate so that I can keep track of the calories I burn. I'm starting my 3rd week, and I've already lost over 7 lbs! I'm so happy.... my goal is to lose 2-3 lbs a week. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and it helps keep me motivated. I wish I could lose the big numbers that the contestants do, but then I realize I'm doing small steps and there's no Bob Harper around to help me get my ultimate burn. LOL, plus I'm learning to eat healthy so this is all still very new to me. I wasn't exactly very fond of vegetable or cooking :) But I'm slowly learning to enjoy it. And now that hubby wants to plant a fruit and vegetable garden, I am even more excited.
So that's a little about me. Hope it wasn't too long. My goal is to lose 120 lbs and 7 of those are gone! Hope we can keep each other motivated and accountable. So hope to hear from you soon.
-Mely
************************
I've lost 4 POUNDS this week! so excited! I thought this was gonna be a tough week since I missed 2 workout days and I had sushi yesterday. But I still lost and now I'm super motivated! That's a total of over 7 pounds in 2 weeks! Yee Haw!
Hi Lisa,
My name is Mely. Nice to meet you and thanks for the reply. I too live in the NW area, near the horse racetrack, if you know where that is. So tell me a little about your goals. I've been on and fallen off the wagon a few times now. I've tried multiple diets including the Master Cleanse, being vegitarian, cutting out sweets, Quick Weigh Loss Centers, counting calories, etc. I've had the most success with QWLC, but it gets very expensive and when I couldn't afford it anymore, I quit and let myself go and unfortunately gained all my weight back. I work in the medical field so I know the problems that come along with obesity, plus I have a family history of diabetes so that's always a concern for me. As of right now, I am not diabetic. I get myself checked out annually for it, cuz it's always on the back of my mind. More recently, my husband and I have been trying to conceive our first baby and so far have no luck. I've always known it would probably be difficult since my menstrual cycles are irregular and my weight is probably the main cause for that. My doctor told me that the best thing to do was lose weight. It's very sad and frustrating knowing that I'm probably the cause of our infertility and I'm intent on losing this weight forever. I also want to set an example for my family (my parents are overweight and so is my husband) and my future children. I've been overweight my entire life so I know the emotional, social, and physical hardships that come along with being a "fat" girl and I don't want my kids to go through that.
So my plans right now include changing my eating habits for good. I'm watching my calorie intake and exercising on a regular basis. I'm not at all athletic, so I'm starting out small. Just doing workout videos at home at monitoring my heart rate so that I can keep track of the calories I burn. I'm starting my 3rd week, and I've already lost over 7 lbs! I'm so happy.... my goal is to lose 2-3 lbs a week. I watch The Biggest Loser every week and it helps keep me motivated. I wish I could lose the big numbers that the contestants do, but then I realize I'm doing small steps and there's no Bob Harper around to help me get my ultimate burn. LOL, plus I'm learning to eat healthy so this is all still very new to me. I wasn't exactly very fond of vegetable or cooking :) But I'm slowly learning to enjoy it. And now that hubby wants to plant a fruit and vegetable garden, I am even more excited.
So that's a little about me. Hope it wasn't too long. My goal is to lose 120 lbs and 7 of those are gone! Hope we can keep each other motivated and accountable. So hope to hear from you soon.
-Mely
************************
I've lost 4 POUNDS this week! so excited! I thought this was gonna be a tough week since I missed 2 workout days and I had sushi yesterday. But I still lost and now I'm super motivated! That's a total of over 7 pounds in 2 weeks! Yee Haw!
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