CD 6 and Another Busy Weekend

Yes, you read right.  It's CD 6 for me and that's kind of bittersweet.  It's been two months since I've been off of fertility meds and one month since I've been doing acupuncture and taking Vitex.  So that means AF come all on her own.  Like I said, bittersweet.  Either way, I'm still excited that things have seemed to regulate.  I'm hoping it will stay like this for a while.  I still have yet to ovulate and since being off the meds these two cycles I've had since then, I still have had no clear ovulation pattern.  BOOOO :(  Then, about a week and a half ago, I called to refill my thyroid meds, metformin and dostinex (all meds my doc put me on while TTC).  Turns out they couldn't refill two of them because I'm due for my yearly check up (well woman exam).  I still have no insurance since getting laid off in December so this was a bummer.  I had been paying cash for my meds since January and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  Now adding the expenses of a well woman exam and labwork and I just thought "Nevermind".  I'm hoping this new natural treatment will work.  The 3rd med, dostinex, that my doc prescribed for my elevated levels of prolactin costs $146 for 4 pills!  I was like, "No thanks, put it back on the shelf."  So now I'm completely out of ALL my meds and going AU NATURAL, so to speak.  LOL.  I still am taking the Vitex one to two times a day, my prenatal vitamins and DHA daily, and acupuncture 2-3 times a week.  So I'm trying to stay hopeful and optimistic.  I had a short cycle this time, so maybe that's something good.

March is a busy month for me and my family.  We have 5 birthdays, literally weeks from each other.  My niece bday is March 2, DH is March 9, my sister's is March 16, my mom's is March 23 and my MIL is March 24.  So this past weekend, we celebrated my sister's 31st birthday.  You know, it's funny how you try to find the positives in IF.  This month was one of those times I was actually glad I wasn't PG.  I know I may have been taking advantage of the situation a little, but who wouldn't if you were in my shoes.  I've been drinking every weekend and this past one was no exception.  I actually may have drank more than I should have, but I'm glad I didn't get wasted.  I told hubby that I was making up for lost time from last weekend since I had to be DD for his bday.  Then with the rodeo in town, friends visiting, catching UFC fights, I'm not surprised that I'm enjoying this barren womb.  LOL.  Sorry.. a bit of sick IF humor there for you.  Plus tomorrow I'm off, so I'll prob be drinking tonight and then DH and I are going to the Maroon 5 concert with my BFF and her hubby.  And BFF is preggers, so that just means I have to drink for the both of us... hahahaha.  Anyways, as you can see March has been pretty exciting social-wise for us.

But being social also comes with its downfalls.  I'm still having to explain to friends why we haven't had kids.  I'm actually to the point where I just throw it out there about our IF, even to acquantainces.  I'm tired of the excuses, of sugar coating our situation.  I just put it out there and though the conversation can get kind of awkward, at least maybe they can stop asking.  Is it wrong that I get a kick out of it...  making it awkward for them?  Our conversation will go something like this...
Them: "Hey long time no see.  How are you?"
Me: "Good.  You?"
"Same here.  You know, same old same old.  How is married life treating you?  How's JC?"
"We're both good.  Still working, he's in school now, so he's trying to balance the two.  And how's the hubby and the kids?"
"We're good, hubby is still working at the same company.  Kids are growing fast.  Speaking of, when are you gonna start your family?  Have you started thinking about babies yet?"
"Oh, why yes!  It's been about what.... two and half years we've been trying?  Yeah, it's been a little difficult.  Believe me we want kids, it's just that infertility sucks."

"Honey, just relax it will happen"  OR  "Oh sweetie, stop trying so hard, you're just stressing yourself out."  OR  "Well it's good that you have this time for yourself right now.  Kids/Babies are alot of work."  OR  "God knows when it's your time.  Don't worry about it.  He'll bless you when you're ready."

"Well actually I have a medical condition called PCOS and I'm not able to get pregnant without medical intervention.  We've been through some treatments already but no luck so far.  Like I said, difficult but we are definately hopeful."  (Some people I even delve a little more information on what it is.  That my ovaries don't work right, that I have hormonal issues, etc.)

"Okay.... um, well I'll keep you in my prayers."  Or suddenly they get a text or they hear their kid calling for them, or they need to be somewhere soon or any other reason.  Some will even ask if we've tried fertility meds? (Ummmm.... Hello?  I said we've been through some treatments.) IVF? (we don't have that kind of money right now.  do you?  snarky, i know... lol) adoption? (nothing against this but since i'm being snarky... oh, why didn't I think of that?  your right it is alot cheaper... NOT!  or oh, I didn't think about that, I guess that is better than having to carry your own child or having a child you both created that shares your DNA... who needs that... sooo overated....) keeping your legs up?  doing a handstand?  being on top?  being on bottom?  letting him stay in there as long as he can?  (yes, yes, yes, yes, and oooh why didn't I think of that?  YES!  I guess they missed the part where I said that I have a medical condition.  Oh well.)

Anyways, off my soapbox.  Just went off a little tangent there.  My rant is over. 
So where was I?.... Oh yeah, so being in social situations can be a little awkward. This weekend I found out that 2 other friends are pregnant.  All news via Facebook. And just when I thought I could handle hearing these announcements, I find myself crumbling. Third announcement this month and we're not even at then end of March!  I guess we weren't the only ones who got busy on Valentine's Day. It was too much and I made the decision to deactivate my account.  I've heard of other gals TTC who did this for the very same reason, and now I completely understand.  Kudos for doing it sooner :)

So that's that for now.  We'll see what this next month brings.  Maybe without FB now, I can dedicate more time to working on course development for my summer class.  I've been procrastinating.  And hopefully burying myself in work can take my mind off TTC for a bit.  I think I'm going to take a break from temping this month too.  I need to hide my thermometer.

Update - CD 15

2:30 pm
So here I am sitting in the waiting room, waiting on them to call me in for the u/s.  DH is here with me playing games on his phone or something like that.  I'm nervous and my plantar fascitis is giving me problems today.  I hope this right now is the pit of my day.
Last night and this morning I have had EWCM.  So now I have my hopes up.  Still no positive OPK, but this afternoon's test was the darkest I've seen it.  Today is CD 15 and fifteen is my lucky number.  I'm wearing "lucky" socks and I feel good.  Are my hopes too high?  I hope not.

2:40pm
There's another pt here, sitting next to me, with a newborn in a stroller.  Stay calm, Mely.  I guess that's the price u pay coming to an OB/Gyn.  What's taking so long? My appt was at 2pm.

3:00 pm
Just got done with u/s.  Waiting on doc to follow-up.  DH was there to hold my hand.  Measurements looked good, but then again I may be mistaken like last time.  She measured my endometrium, my uterus, my ovaries and my follicles.  "Numbers look promising don't they?" I ask DH.  He tells me he didn't know what the heck he was even looking at.  LOL.  I'm hoping for 2 good follies, but one would do just fine.

3:30 pm
Just got called in for my appt with doc.  Waiting in exam room.  Will post a quick video in a bit. FX!

(sorry video is sideways)

4:00 pm
Still waiting on doc..... I'm going stir crazy and I'm starving :(

4:30 pm
It's a go! Doc just walked in not even spending FIVE minutes with us. "We're gonna go ahead and release it. Then u and ur husband are going to do ur business tomorrow night and the following night. Ur gonna wear him out. But he's a lucky man to be married to such a beautiful woman." Then walks out. No other info.

4:35 pm
Injection done :)  In my right hip.  It stings a little.  They want me to wait 10 min more to make sure I don't have an allergic reaction to the meds. I ask nurse if I can get a little more information on my measurments so that I can journal about it.  She says the other nurse will come in a bit to answer my questions.

 

4:55 pm

Doc comes in instead.  I ask him about my measurments.  He says "2".  Umm, hello?  Two what?  Turns out I actually have 2 mature follicles!  They both measure 2 cm (20 mm) which is awesome!  One on the left AND one on the right!  My endometrium lining is 8 mm, also great!  "What about the prometrium?  When do I start taking that?"  I ask him.  "Monday" he says.  Again I ask him about TI.  Yes, tomorrow and the day after.  Don't do anything tonight.  "Put it in the bank.  Save it for tomorrow," he says.  That was pretty much all for our visit today.  As I was checking out, I saw my superbill had ICD 9 code 626.4, which I looked up.

 

2012 ICD-9-CM Diagnosis Code 626.4

Irregular menstrual cycle

• Deviations from the normal process; e.g. delayed, difficult, profuse, scanty, unusual bleeding, etc.
• Short description: Irregular menstruation.

Okay, so I guess they were using that to bill when I had insurance.  Either way, hubby and I are on cloud 9! We can't wait to see what this year will bring us.  And to think, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks.  Hopefully I will have even better things to celebrate.  BFP, BFP, BFP!!! Go Team ***! (Thanks L for helping me to coin the phrase) :)

Work Update and FX for Tomorrow

I know I said I wouldn't update until Friday, but alas, here I am.  I had a late lunch with a good friend of mine who is preggers and was updating her on all that's been going on these past few weeks.  Thinking about it, made me kind of want to post my thoughts about today and my anticipation of tomorrow's appt.  I got a phone call a couple of hours ago confirming my appt tomorrow.  I really hadn't thought about it all day (until I happened to mention it to my friend earlier) and that is mainly due to the fact that I started my first day at my new job today. 

I kind of started off on the wrong foot considering I was 20 minutes late for work... my first day... geeze what an impression that makes.   And I know there's really no good excuse when you're trying to make a good impression, but I honestly underestimated traffic.  Then there was this huge traffic jam on one of the main roads leading out of my subdivision.  And I was so pissed sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, moving 5 feet every 5 minutes.  After nearly 20 minutes sitting there hardly moving, I decided to veer off the main road and drive further out of the area just so I could hop on the tollway hoping the traffic was a little lighter.  Well, the 10 minute drive to get to the damn tollway didn't help and just set me further back from the city, which in turn made me drive farther.... ughhh!  Then there was traffic on the tollway to top it off.  I tell ya, when it rain, it pours.  Needless to say, as soon as I got a chance (waiting at a red light), I texted my boss and told him I was gonna be late and apologized in advanced.  I was not a happy camper :(  Luckily, the patient ended up cancelling their appt so I didn't have them waiting on me when I arrived at the office.  But still... great 1st impression I made on the boss.  Other than that little mess this morning, the rest of the day at the office pretty much ran smoothly.  We had a little hiccup with our medical equipment, but were able to work through it.  I need to mention this is a brand new medical office that just opened up a month ago, so they are still trying to work out the kinks.  Anyways, I'm still trying to pick up some extra work and so I had a meeting scheduled with one of my previous employer's after finishing today's clinic.  I knew she would welcome me back, but she made it pretty clear that she did not enjoy my little hiatuses of going back and forth working for her (I have quit there twice before due to a better job opportunities).  Third time's a charm, eh?  I wish I could make her see that.  LOL... But either way I'm done with that other type of work.  Though they pay really well and have good benefits, it is quite unstable, and I cannot afford to take another work risk.  I need a steadier job and something that will work for me long-term especially when LO comes.  I had to make her understand that and basically asked for my old job back (a little short of groveling, I might add).  We ended up agreeing on a one-year contract to put her mind to ease so that she knows I'm serious.  I don't like contracts but what can I do?  I need my job back.  So with that, I now have 3 jobs = 3 days a week.  I start next week.

On to other thoughts... my 2nd follicle search is scheduled for tomorrow and I'm getting nervous.  I just took an OPK and it was negative.  I have a bit of watery CM but I'm not trying to read much into it.  BBTs are still a little wonky and I haven't seen a definate O yet.  I've been massaging and touching my left side hoping to bring positive energy to Lefty, though I don't know how much it will help.  This may be our last chance for a medicated cycle this season due to our financial situation and it makes me a little sad.  Of course we are not giving up TTC.  We are just going back to doing it the "old-fashioned" way, so that means I will definately need to start on my WL.  Perhaps in the summer, we can reasess our situation, see where we are at in terms of finances, school, work, weight loss and then maybe pay a visit to the doctor again.  I'm seriously considering transferring to an RE (I know some may think I should've done this long, long ago but I had faith in my OB/GYN).  I don't know if that would cost more considering I may be doing more monitoring.  I am still hanging on to the script that Trudy wrote for me yesterday.  In case this cycle was unsuccessful, she wrote me one for 100mg Clomid.  I don't know if I will fill it, but will keep it tucked safely anyway.  I feel sad ending today's entry on this note, but it is what it is.  I'm just keeping my FX that cycle #2 is our cycle.  Pretty please, with a cherry on top?  ;)

Update Cycle #2

Today is CD13 and I just had a date with the vag cam.  DH was with me today, but the procedure was still uncomfortable.  Hubby is coming down with a cold of some sort, but I hope this doesn't inhibit our TI.  So I got the scan, then we had to wait nearly 45 min for my appt with Trudy.  She finally came to get us and tell us the news.  Basically, I don't have any mature follicles as of yet, but one has the potential to grow in the next couple of days.  On my right ovary, I only have one little bitty tiny follicle that measured 5mm.  Too small to do anything for this cycle.  On the left ovary, however, I have one that measured 14mm and that's the one she says can possibly grow bigger in the next few days.  So she wants me to schedule another u/s for Friday, which is in 2 days, to see if it has grown any bigger.  That will determine whether we trigger or wait until the next cycle.  I'm keeping my fingers and toes tightly crossed that it's the first.  This is the closest I've come so far.  We still discussed what our next step will be should I not get my BFP this cycle :(  I don't really want to think about it though.  Essentially, she will increase the Clomid to 100mg for five days and run the follicle search again.  I don't want to even think about moving forward with a 3rd cycle, because 1: that's already halfway to being done with using Clomid (it really only works within the first 6 cycles), 2: that's more money coming out of our pockets (we decided not to go with COBRA and so we're paying cash for everything), 3: that's waiting one more month (given I get AF on time) again.  So that is that.  I scheduled my scan for Friday afternoon, but this time I'm going to follow-up with the doc instead.  Hubby and I were talking about the appt afterwards and he's really hopeful this cycle.  I guess I'm just trying to be a realist and maybe I've been on the boards too long, but 14mm doesn't seem like that big a deal to me.  But I'm trying to stay optimistic.  DH says he's going to refer to it as "Lefty" in hopes of bringing some positive vibes to the situation.  If anything, he made me smile.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm excited about that.  Weather has been kinda crappy and I hate driving when it's ugly outside.  This new job is on the other side of town and I'm not looking forward to the drive.  That just means I'll have to leave extra early tomorrow morning.  Also, one of my old employers called me today.  She's having issues with the tech she has now and more than likely gonna let him go.  Guess who's coming to the rescue?  We haven't discussed employment details yet, but I'm pretty sure whatever happens, it'll be in my favor. This doctor and I have a very close comraderie and I'm sure she'll be happy to have me back on her staff.  So that's three PT jobs total and I'm working on getting 2 more, so hopefully that will keep us pretty comfortable, financially, in the meantime.  It's still not FT, but it's close and that's fine with me.  That's all for now.  I'll update on Friday.

New Year Off to Bad Start :(





On Friday evening (two days ago)  I got news that I was laid off effective immediately.  My company shut down due to recent changes in Medicare/Medicaid legislative cuts.  After finding out via a mandatory company teleconference, I was a hormonal mess.  JC was at work and I got to only speak to him briefly.  I was alone to deal with the impact.  Immediately, I texted a few of my close girlfriends to tell them what was up and that I may be MIA for a while.  Last year I was laid off from the same company due to other reasons, and the changes put me into a slight depression.  So I was expecting the same this time around as well.

 

I know it may be a little early to worry but with all that was going on in TTC life, I was pretty upset.  I didn't know where this would put us.  Our insurance was covered under me and with the job loss, I now won't have any medical insurance.  The COBRA premium is to costly for us to afford and hubby's insurance is also very expensive.  What has made this news even worse, was I just had started my cycle the previous evening.  I was so happy, and so excited (as you read in my previous blog) to start the new cycle.  The morning of the layoff, before receiving the news, I  had scheduled all my appointments for monitoring and picked up my new prescriptions for this second medicated cycle.  That excitement was short lived, as you could have expected, when I received Friday's sad news.

 

I'm still kind of in shock from the news and decided I really couldn't do anything until the new year started (which is in a few days).  With the upcoming holiday, and with everything being closed, I decided that Wednesday, Jan 2nd is when I would start putting in calls to previous employers and filing for unemployment.  Hubby and I discussed if we should move forward or not with this TTC cycle, and we both decided that yes, we would since I already had paid for the meds.  If it happens and I get a BFP, we would deal with it when the time came.  In the meantime, hubby will continue working and still plan on resuming his classes this coming semester.  I have already applied to several jobs online.  I am trying to remain optimistic that things will turn out okay.  I am still worried about our financial situation since bills will continue to come in.  I will try and stay focused on losing weight, especially now that I am no longer employed.  I can dedicate this free time to staying dedicated to my weight loss.

 

That is all for now.  I will leave you with a pic of all the meds I'm on since TTC.  I am still amazed that I take this many pills just so that I can try to get pregnant.  From not taking anything, having no medical illness up until this year when diagnosed with PCOS...  to now taking  7 meds.  These include cabergoline, levothyroxine, metformin, progesterone, clomid, prenatal vitamins, and HCG.  I used to also take prednisone when first diagnosed.  But they took me off that when they saw that wasn't helping any.  You can also see my weekly pill organizer and see what I'm taking daily.  This also varies week to week, depending on where I'm at in my cycle.

 

 

So here's to a new year and a new beginning....

 

Omg! Am I O-ing?

could it be?! Like in my previous posts, I've been doing OPK's twice a day.  top strip was starting cd 8 in the evening. then following are 2 for cd 9 in the morning in the afternoon.  and then the last 2 are for today's in the morning and then I just took 1 about an hour ago. it is SO close to positive! I'm almost sure tomorrow's is gonna definitely be a positive.  I'm so excited!
on the other hand, the clomid has got me soo hormonal.  I'm beginning to scare myself, lol.  One minute I can be weeping, tearing up, and feeling depressed the next minute a raging lunatic being pissed at everything.  mostly I've just been irritated at the slightest little thing.  you would think with Clomid, it would make us these submissive, romantic, sexy wives that our hubbies can't wait to come home to.  instead it's making us to be these BITCHES that I'm not even sure DH will want to BD with,  lol.  But seriously.... is that a side effect of the Big O?  If it is Mother Nature's got a crappy way of doing it, hahaha.
anyways, I will update soon...

CD 10 and Other Stuff

So yesterday I officially started doing OPKs.  So far all negatives.  I'm doing one mid morning and one in the evening.  I just did my 1st one for today and it's a negative.  Today also starts the commencement of our BDing for this cycle.  I wanted to get a headstart and BD last night but I changed my mind and I will tell you why in a bit.

Also, yesterday I picked up my prescription for the HCG injection.  It's funny how as a TTCer, you find emotions in the littlest of things.  For instance, as I was waiting for the prescription which only took about 5 minutes to get after I dropped it off, I was soooo nervous.  Like this was a big step in a positive direction and we are that much closer to being parents.  I texted hubby to let him know about my nervousness (figuring he would understand where it was coming from), and he basically said to calm down.  LOL.  I knew he only meant it in a loving/supportive way, but I guess until you're in my shoes, one wouldn't really know the effect of picking up that prescription made on me.  Of course I made a video to document it when I got back to work.  So since it doesn't have to be stored in any particular way, it's just waiting for me at home until the 17th, when we will use it.

So back to yesterday.  Yesterday was our company holiday dinner and we met up at this great Latin fusion restaurant called Americas in the River Oaks area.  I work for a mobile company based out of California so there's really not many of us that work here in Houston.  I'm the only tech here in this area at this time and there's a doctor that does EMGs that they just hired last month here in Houston.  Also there are two sales reps that work in this area too.  So aside from us, the only people that came to the dinner were some of the executives and our region service specialist.  Also a tech from the Louisiana area flew in for the dinner since they were not going to be doing a dinner in that area this year.  So a total of nine of us were at the dinner.  It was a really nice restaurant and the dinner was really good.  I had some chorizo empanadas for an appetizer, the salmon for the main course, and some dulce de leche cookies for dessert.  Everything was really good.  During dinner we all were seated at a long table and I sat on the end.  Even though I had about three glasses of wine, my social anxiety was still there.  If I don't really know anyone, it's hard for me to carry on a conversation.  It's been like that ever since I could remember.  People might assume it's just shyness, but it's so much more than that.  It's social anxiety and though it's not very severe, it make social situations very uncomfortable and sometimes torturous.  So there I was sitting there, trying to make conversation, but mostly listening.  I could feel every minute ticking by.  I enjoyed the food and was so happy when things were wrapping up.  Near the end I was texting JC, because I just got fed up with trying to mingle.  We finally left like three hours later and as I was walking to my car, I was talking on the phone with JC summing up what happened at dinner.  I was telling him that I also wanted to get a head start on the BDing and that when I got home, that's what I planned to do.  He was all for it.  LOL.  I was a bit tipsy, but mostly relieved that I was out of the dinner situation.  My drive home was about twenty minutes, and I took my time getting home.  I had hung up with hubby about 5 minutes into my drive and now was just jamming to some CDs in my car.  A couple of minutes later, I just started crying.  It seemed like out of the blue.  And then it dawned on me that I was still depressed about the whole IF issue.  Yes, it's calmed down alot, but the frustration and emotions are still there.  During dinner, our conversation had turned to kids and school and extracurricular activities.  Also earlier that day we had conversation about kids as well.  And at dinner, I was chit chatting with the doctor about natural birth, natural parenting, puree-ing baby food, etc.  Then some of my co-workers were showing pics of their children on their phone.  And earlier that day another co-worker was saying how she's glad her kids are grown and how women need to make time for themselves.  She's around 41 and she's a grandmother.  I think just the accumulation of all the conversations came down on me and I just broke down and cried.  I cried all the way home.  Needless to say, when I got home, I was in no mood to BD.  I barely spoke a word to hubby, changed into my pjs  and went to bed.  So no starting the BDing that night.  To make matters worse, I woke up a few hours later with severe cramping in my bowels and bad diarrhea.  Plus I felt nauseous.  I ran to the bathroom where I spent a little time.  Great, just how I needed to end my day... probably food poisoning.  Today my stomach still feels a little weird, but I'm determined to BD today.

Update TTC #1, Clomid Cycle #1, CD8

So yesterday I had an appt with Trudy, the NP Fertility Specialist.  This is the 2nd time I see her.  Dr. Holt, who did my cervical dilation last week, wanted me to see her so that we could discuss taking more aggressive measures to get me KU.  Well I went to see her yesterday afternoon and she basically told me that this cycle, we could do the HCG injection instead of waiting for cycle #3.  Then she explained that if this cyle didn't work with the injection, we would bump it up to IUI next cycle.  In order for me to get the HCG, I have to have my follicles monitored to make sure that they will be large enough to move forward with the HCG.  I get that done on Dec 17th and if follies are good to go, I will get the injection.  From there, we are to time our BD 24, 32, and 38 hours later after the injection.  But because JC will be at work, we will have to modify that.  So basically we should BD the day after and twice two days after.  She also told me that should it fail this cycle, we could do the IUI next cycle.  I asked her if we had the option to do it this cycle and she said yes.  She did a run through of the costs and it would come out to $370 for the whole procedure, everything included.  She told me to discuss it with hubby that night and let her know when I come in on the 17th what our decision was.  If we opted for the IUI, it would be done the day after the HCG, so the 18th. Last night, when JC got home we discussed it and decided we would do natural insemination this cycle.  If no luck, then we would do IUI the next cycle.  I have faith that his swimmers will know what to do and that there won't be any problem on his end.  After all, his SA came back normal.  So until then, I can only hope that our first cycle is all we really need.  We will continue to BD every other day on even cycle days until the 17th, then resume the other protocol.  I'm hoping and trusting in my body that all I really needed was a "boost" to the hormones.  I hope this works.  I'm being very optimistic.

2013, here we come!

so things have pretty much stayed the same. earlier this month we were still having trouble TTC so I put a call into my nurse asking why I still haven't had a period in 2 months.  she then changed my dosing a little bit but I still was not satisfied. I made an appointment with a different nurse for my well woman exam at the same clinic a couple of weeks ago. I explained the whole issue again. since I was only there for my well woman exam she really couldn't go into great detail on what I should do. however she did write me a lab slip to recheck my hormone levels on the medications I've been taking and referred me to see the fertility specialist there.  the next day I had my blood drawn for my hormone levels.  One week later I was scheduled to see the fertility specialist. the nurse called to give me my lab results, and told me they forgot to include my insulin levels. so before I went to the fertility specialist I had to have my blood drawn again to check my insulin.  I got it that same day I went in to go see her in the morning. That afternoon was my appointment and JC was supposed to meet me at the doctor's office. I got off of work a little earlier than expected so decided to head up to the appointment early.  as usual JC was running late and got there right at my appointment time, but by then I was already in the office with the nurse.  she was going over a few things with me regarding my cycle.  she seemed pretty rushed while she was talking to me and telling me that we needed to get my periods under control.  she went over my levels again from my previous lab work and said that everything looked good and to keep taking the medication I was taking. these included my thyroid medication, and my medication to decrease my prolactin level.  she told me to get off the steroids since it did not seem to be doing anything as far as lowering my testosterone level.  after going into detail about all that, I asked her when would I know if I ovulated.  she says that I can get on birth control to regulate my cycles.  I was like, "what?! I'm trying to get pregnant, why would I go on birth control?" that just changed EVERYTHING and she asked, "you're trying to get pregnant?" I told her yes and that's why I was coming in to see her because the nurse  I've been seeing since May has not been able to regulate my cycle; that's originally why I came into the clinic in the first place.  that's when JC walked in. we did brief introductions and she apologized for not realizing I was trying to get pregnant. Somehow the person who scheduled me put that i was just being seen for a lab follow-up, so we basically had to start all over in regards to analyzing my labs. she asked why I hadn't had my thyroid checked. I told her was it was supposed to be checked since they were just re-running all the labs I had in May. she said they must have forgotten to add it so I had to do it again that afternoon and have my blood drawn a second time that day. then we got into detail about fertility treatment.  she said I should probably be scheduled to have an ultrasound done of my uterus and ovaries. I told her I already had that done back in June.  I told her that the record should be in my file.  she looked it up in her computer and after a minute or two said, "I think you have PCOS."  as you can imagine, I was shocked! I told her how could that be when the nurse before told me that I was clear of that. she said the study was kind of hard to read, but based on her interpretation it look like polycystic ovaries.  because of my excessive body tissue it was kind of hard to read. so she said from here on out we will be considered PCOS related infertility.  she said that she wanted to get me started on metformin because I exhibit symptoms of insulin resistance.  that's what I was hoping for back in May when I originally came. I knew I was right! I know my body! the next few words out of her mouth were so relieving to me.  she basically said because of my age and how many years we been trying to conceive, we needed to try to get me pregnant pronto! she would start me on metformin to take as soon as possible and give me provera to jump start my period. then she gave me a prescription to take progesterone to help increase my endomitrial lining to sustain a pregnancy, should I become pregnant. She also said she would start me on Clomid! the heavens part and the angels sang!  Lol.  I've been reading lots of blogs, going to message board communities, and watching YouTube videos of women suffering from PCOS and infertility.  I know exactly what this meant. basically the clomid will start your ovulation, by helping your eggs mature.  that will help initiate pregnancy should all things go well. I won't be able to start this medication until cycle date 3, but until then, I'm going to finish my dosage of provera. she said we would two cycles of clomid, and if not pregnant by January, we would take more aggressive measure (meaning "trigger" injections of HCG).  As for now, I'm just waiting on AF to come. until then all I can do is wait. once AF comes, on the third day I can start the clomid from CD 3 to 7. once I finish that I wait until CD 16 to start my progesterone supplements. as stated before this will help maintain my endometrial lining for the pregnancy.  if after CD 32 / 34, and AF comes, I'll stop the progesterone and I'll allow her to ruin my month lol. because obviously that means I'm not pregnant. during those 2 days I should take HPT to confirm. if BFN, I will repeat for the next cycle in January. if AF  hasn't shown, I will again confirm with HPT on those days. if BFP ( crossing our fingers), I will continue to take the progesterone during the remainder of pregnancy.   if no BFP by then, we will start the HCG injections I'm kind of excited but dreading it at the same time. I'm hoping it won't get to that point because then we're talking about more money spent.  these trigger shots are also linked with risk of multiples. even though it sounds nice, medically I know the risks involved with those pregnancies. with the clomid, there's a small percentage of risk of multiples but very slight. either way, hubby is hoping for twins! I wouldn't mind, as long as I have a healthy pregnancy.  all this makes me very hopeful and I have a newfound energy.  I haven't stated before but last couple of months I've been in a pretty bad funk.  I was depressed, gaining weigh,t and crying almost everyday. I spoke with a friend of mine and she suggested therapy.  I'm thankful that my work provide this free service.  I went 3 times as my benefits allowed me, to talk to a therapist.  I'm not really feeling her but I enjoyed our conversations and getting to find out more about my husband since he goes as well. we have since used our 3 visits and now I'm paying through our insurance. we have gone to see her four times already and have made in a 5th appointment.  I have yet to cry though, I was expecting it.  after our second visit, that's when everything started looking up and so I really haven't had any problems with the depression anymore. I now have a better outlook on life and i'm on my way to losing weight. it's been a slow and steady journey and will continue to be. I know it will never be easy for me to lose the weight since now I have been recently diagnosed with PCOS. I'm happy to know there is reason for all my symptoms, and happy to know that I was right all along. not many know people know this, but PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. many cases go undiagnosed. and more women actually have it then you would think.  I have decided to be pretty open about all my medical issues with regards to TTC. I think it helps me cope better with the reality. it also opens other's eyes to what women are facing on a daily basis; it is a struggle.

my mom and I are very close and I think this has brought us closer. although she suffered a different condition during her to TCC years (endometriosis), she understands the struggles I go through every day.  my family, I thought would be the most supportive.  I really haven't explained things to my dad, and I don't think he really needs to know. I think it would just be TMI for him. maybe my mom discusses it with him; I really don't care. my sister, on the other hand, I opened up to her the other day. like I said, I expected my family to be the most supportive. I was extremely disappointed to find out that she has no clue what it's like to be in my shoes.  I was hurt the day I told her... she basically said I shouldn't go through all this trouble and should look into adoption.  she basically said that if my body is not responding to anything, then I shouldn't try.  because it was so easy for her to get pregnant she does not understand a clue. then to make matters worse, my brother in law walks in during our conversation and overhears.  his response to all this was, "are you sure you're ready?" even after I told him yes, no doubt. he said, "are you really ready? kids are lot of responsibility. kids require a lot of money. you have to stop going out. baby become your first priority. if they get sick you have to take them to the doctor, you have to miss work. you also just can't get up and go. You need a babysitter. you have to constantly watch them. no more leaving things to the last minute."

and on and on and on
you get it.

really?

I didn't know that.
you mean to tell me having kids is a big job for the rest of my life?
you mean I can't keep doing the same thing I've always been doing?
I can't go out?
I can't hang out my friends?
you mean that Louis Vuitton bag that I've been eyeing has to be put on hold?
you mean I can't just splurge my IRS refund?

you got to be kidding me!
I had no idea! you make it seem so easy!
I mean you had 4 kids and you wanted more? Now you have 5!
were you ready for your son? were you prepared? I mean REALLY prepared?
I mean, it's only been 2 years since we've been married, but I think a little bit more time would be appropriate don't you think? I mean we've only just begun right?
when is anyone ever really ready for a baby?
yeah 32 IS a little young to be thinking about kids right now. 

you're right

what was I ever thinking?...

...  and surprisingly enough JC walks into the room. "babe guess what?", I say. "Steph and Oscar are asking are we really ready for a baby?" "yes", he says. "well, I mean they're saying it's a lot of trouble. they're saying if it's taking us so much effort for us to have our own that maybe we should adopt."


..... to be cont'd....

Week 1

So far so good.  I've kept up with my calorie count and exercising twice a day.  I'm feeling pumped and can't wait till Sunday when I weigh myself and take my measurements!  I'm currently doing my own thing, but getting a little help from Spark People.  It's a site that generates a weight loss plan for you, monitors your caloric intake and fitness regimen and gives you customized meal plans.  It also has a community board where you can talk with other members.  Right now, I'm burning more calories than I'm consuming, but this won't go on much longer since I read that can be bad for you.  But since I'm staying within my calorie level, I'm not gonna worry about it now.

As far as what I'm eating, I'm going what with we have around the house.  Since right now, we're pinching pennies since losing my job, I can't really use the meal plans that are generated for me on the website.  That would mean buying alot more groceries than we need.  And since I'm also trying my hand at couponing, we only really buy what's necessary or what we can get for cheap/free... so I have to work my diet around those circumstances.  But it's working out so far.  I  know it's only week one, but I'm very optimistic.

Exercising has been quite a challenge... as always, but this time it's not finding the time or the motivation to do it.  I have alot of time on my hands now, as well as the motivation.  I'm really, really getting the baby itch and I don't have many more years to wait, especially with wanting to have as many kids as I want... the time to start is now.   The challenge in exercising has been my stamina... meaning, I am REALLY out of shape and it's killing me.  For some reason, my feet really hurt whenever I work out.  I started noticing this last year when JC and I attempted the Couch to 2K program.  Whenever we went to the track to walk/jog, my feet started killing me only a few minutes after starting.  I thought it was just cuz I was wearing a new pair of tennis shoes.  Wrong, they hurt even with my comfy, beat-up work sneakers.  Then I thought it was cuz I was trying to run (something very new to me).  Wrong again.  They hurt even when I'm just doing aerobics... even doing lunges or something when I'm sort of stationary.  It boggles my mind, but I'm trying to push past the pain.  And now that I had my carpal tunnel surgery done 2 months back, my right hand is still healing and I can't do some of the floorwork exercises that I want to try, like push-ups, kneeling leg lifts, side planks, and various yoga positons.  It's very frustrating.  It hurts when I put any weight on my right palm, since the incision site is still sore, and my wrist is still weak, so any I can't bear very much weight on it.  One last thing that is very frustrating is my lower back pain.  Now this is nothing new, nor is it anything that bothers me on a daily basis.  However, I've always had this pain/sensitivity on my lower back right above my coccyx area.  It's hard to lay flat on my back on hard surfaces.  It's also hard to do abdominal floor work where you put any pressure in that area (i.e. sit-ups, sitting "V", reverse crunches).  It's just alot of pain in that area and even though I use padding to support that area, it's still kind of difficult.  Other than those issues, my workouts have been great.  I've been using my heart rate monitor (HRM) to track my minutes, heart rate, and calories burned and it's been a great tool.  I can input my actual calories burned every work out.  So far, I've just been using various workout videos, Zumba youtube videos, and Wii dance games to get my exercise in.  And it's been fun to do it in the comfort of my own home.  I'm hoping to lose at least 10 lbs these 1st two weeks.

Now to on to a different update.  Aunt Flo came for a visit last night.  I hadn't seen her since September, and believe it or not I was starting to miss her.  I got a prescription for Medroxyprogesterone from the midwife 2 weeks ago and started taking it for 10 days.  Going past 90 days with no menstrual period is bad especially when not pregnant or taking any BC pills.  My obesity makes me irregular and it's the main reason why we haven't gotten pregnant to date.  The RX helps shed the lining of my uterus and makes me have a faux period of sorts (it's a little more complicated than that, of course) and once I start my period, I can start monitoring my cycles and BBT once again.  In 12 days, I will re-start the natural Progesterone creame twice a day which will help regulate my cycle.  I use it for 26 days then stop 7 days, and repeat this cycle.  It's kind of like the pill but without the pregnancy protection... LOL.  So of course my period has been really heavy since starting, but I'm hoping it won't last long since I've got a birthday to prepare for :)  Tomorrow I will start my ovulation charting again on Fertility Friend... which has been another great tool in getting ready for baby-making.  So here's to healthy living and getting knocked up sometime later this year!  Cheers!

Hello Eggs... Are you there?

Well it's been about 4 months since my last blog and alot has happened since then...
We are finally settled into our little home and things are running smoothly.  We renovated our kitchen 1st thing after we moved in and it took us about 2 weeks to get most of it done.  We enlisted help from my brother in law and a friend of his.  JC took 2 weeks off work to help work on the kitchen.  We got most of it done, but to date, it still remains partially unfinished.  Oh well, we'll be working on it slowly.
Then we kind of held off on baby-making for a few weeks because I decided to get carpal release surgery done on my right hand.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant for the surgery as well as the few weeks following when I would be using pain meds.  So we used protection.

Then at the end of November, I got laid off and that got things really spinning out of control.  I've been looking for work non-stop for over a month.  And even though I'm collecting unemployment, it still frustrates me that I can't find work.  For the mean time, we are okay on our finances, but I've been in a funk lately and I just sit around the house all day and watch TV.

I also recently got back on my prenatal vitamins (which I had lapsed on for a few months), I started my provera dose this week so that I can menstruate, and I'm going back on the progesterone cream 12 days after I get my period.  I'm hoping this will kickstart my hormone system.

I made my new years resolution to lose weight so that we can finally make a baby, but I haven't had the motivation to get off my ass and start my weight loss regimen.  I'm sad to say, that I'm probably the biggest I've ever been in my life.  It's depressing.  And now that I actually have the time to dedicate solely to weight loss, I can't even lift a finger.

Well today, I did my 1st workout, and boy did it hurt.  I know I didn't burn enough calories (meaning I consumed more calories than I could burn) and that's a bit dissappointing, but I figured baby steps are better than jumping into a program too fast and burning out too fast.  Tomorrow, I want to try and wake up early and do a work out routine so I can catch up.  My plan is to workout morning and afternoon and eat more calorie-concious.  I need to lose this weight and the baby itch is getting worse and worse... although maybe it's a good thing I'm not pregnant since I have no healthcare and no job.  Plus I don't want to be an obese pregnant lady, because I want the natural child birth and I don't want any complications.  I need to focus....

So here's hoping things change soon and I can change my outlook on life.... me being the optimistic person that I am still have that glimmer of hope that things will change for the better.  Cheers!

9 DPO

So this may be the one!  Today marks my 9th day post ovulation (DPO) and I'm just waiting to test.

To give a little background on myself:
I had been on oral contraceptives for a few years.  I first started using them in my early 20's as a means of regulating my menstrual cycles.  I went off them for about 3 years, and when I still continued having irregular cycles, I went back on them until about a year ago.   I decided I should go off the pill so as to prepare my body for when we try to conceive. About a month after our wedding last October, JC and I decided that if it happens, it happens, so we stopped using birth control.  My body had gone back to irregular cycles, so there were times when we weren't sure if I was pregnant or not.  After a few weeks of negative home pregnancy tests (HPTs), I decided to go see my doctor.  She ordered a lab workup, and it all came out clear.  So I could only attribute my irregularity to my obesity, which is something I've always been warned about.  It is known that obese women have trouble getting pregnant and risk dangers while pregnant.  I have tried a few times to lose weight but have been unsuccessful.  Because of this, I knew we would have a long and difficult journey ahead of us.

Now that we are sitting at nearly a year after all this, JC and I are really concerned about be not being able to get knocked up.  We've recently decided that we will start trying to conceive (TTC).  And so that meant me going back to the doctor to get another check up.  I went to this women's health and birth center in Pearland that my good friend Tanya recommended to me awhile back.  I am hoping for a natural birth, so I figured that I would start seeing the midwife here for general checkups and exams so that when our time came, we would already have that relationship established.  So about 2 months ago I went in for a pre-conception consult.  We went over my medical/family history and she ran some bloodwork on me.  Again all came out well.  She suggested I try some natural progesterone hormone cream to help regulate my cycles.  Use it twice a day for 21 days then stop for 7 days and repeat.  Simple enough right?  Well I started it that evening and 12 days after starting, Aunt Flo (AF) came for a visit.  I called the midwife to see if I should continued to use it till day 28, but she didn't return my phone calls for 2 days.  So I looked online and saw that once you start your period, your supposed to wait 12 days until after you stop, to go back to using it.  So I did this.  In the meantime, I've been recording my basal body temperature (BBT) every morning and monitoring my cervical mucus (CM)... both of which are very important if you are seriously TTC.  I use a program on Fertility Friend that helps monitor things while you are TTC.  This past month I presented with some fertile CM and took advantage of it.  So far my chart shows that I definately ovulated on September 26, which made our intercourse timing good!  As predicted, my temperatures have stayed elevated for 8 days since and these are all good signs.  Before, I had erratic and annovulatory charts.  I am still on the progesterone cream and just awaiting October 14th, when I can finally test!  (That is if that nagging AF doesn't come for a visit first.)

Another thing that I've noticed are several symptoms that have started more recently, including headaches, heartburn, bachaches, low energy, and gas.  These are all things that need to be recorded as you TTC.  Recently we've also been under alot of stress with trying to buy a house and that doesn't help: 1.) me trying to get pregnant and 2.) some of these symptoms can go hand in hand w/ stress.  So now with a combination of stress and perhaps even "psyching" myself out I'm experiencing all these symptoms that I normally wouldn't.  So you can see why I'm anticipating the day when I can test. I am staying positive that all these signs could mean one thing, but also not trying to keep my hopes up high... just in case.  But for some reason, I'm still leaning more towards the hopeful side and can't help but think.... THIS IS THE ONE :)  So until then...