AF marks CD1

Well today is official CD1!  I couldn't be more excited!  Yes, I know it means that I'm not pregnant, however, it also means that I can finally start my fertility treatment.  My nurse told me to schedule a cervical dilation once my cycle starts and this morning I called for an appointment.  I made it for Friday which is in three days.  In the meantime, I've still been temping and taking my prenatal vitamins, metformin, and dostinex.  Thursday I will start Serophene (clomid) which will be CD3!  I'm super excited about that too!  I will take it consecutively for five days then starting on CD16 I will start the prometrium (progesterone supplement).  Also starting on day 10 we will BD, which I'm sure hubby will be happy about :)  I'm hoping for a little surprise at the end of this month or something really big to celebrate the new year!  I think Christmas will be a little too early to tell anything.

Also, I decorated our Christmas tree last night.  We still have the same blue and silver decorations.  I've decided to start adding a new Christmas tree ornament each year to commemorate something big that's happened that year.  We didn't add anything last year, so this year I'm buying two ornaments.  One for last year and one for this year.  For last year's ornament, I chose a white birdhouse ornament with two birds.  It says "New Home".  I bought it on ebay for $5.  It says 2010, but I will try and change it to 2011.  For this year's ornament, I chose a blue light-up Houston Texans ornament (also bought on ebay).  We really haven't done much this year, other than me getting re-hired and JC going to school, but I figured with the Texans cinching the lead in the playoffs this year with current stats at 11-1, I would support my team and buy an ornament in their honor.  When JC graduates school we can get an ornament to commemorate it which will be in 2014.  And hopefully on next year's Christmas tree, we will have an ornament saying "Baby's First Christmas"!  I'm sooooo excited!

I've also been doing a little splurging and induging in my guilty pleasures.  I've been making some pre-baby buys.  Most recently taking advantage of After Thanksgiving and Cyber Monday deals.  So far I've purchased a bassinet/playpen/changing station baby center, a walker, and a Boppy with slipcover.  Another thing I've been scouting are cloth diapers.  I've been looking at various reviews and tutorials on youtube and alot of users recommend purchasing a few different brands/styles to see which work best for you.  So far I'm leaning more towards prefolds/inserts and all in ones.  I have a few that I'm tempted to purchase already.  Hubby knows this and is trying to get me to go easy.  Damn my compulsive shopping.  LOL.  I may be jumping to soon in buying everything, but with this new burst of renewed positivity and optimism, I'm looking forward to starting on the nursery and baby buying.  I don't want to leave things to the last minute.  And speaking of the nursery,  I've already purchased wall paint in a pale yellow (straw) that I will be using on the walls.  I will paint the trim and shelving white.  It is gender neutral so it won't matter on the sex of the baby.  Also still undecided what theme to run with.  I love the jungle/monkey theme, but I think it may be to boyish, and therefore still contemplating the circus theme.  We shall see.... Also working on redecorating the rest of the house so that it has our personality infused in it.  It still has paint from the previous owner that I despise... ugh.... pink everywhere.  I've done some inspiration boards on pinterest as I brainstorm ideas.

Well that's about it.  I will update on testing and my cycle when things change.  Keeping fingers crossed!

2013, here we come!

so things have pretty much stayed the same. earlier this month we were still having trouble TTC so I put a call into my nurse asking why I still haven't had a period in 2 months.  she then changed my dosing a little bit but I still was not satisfied. I made an appointment with a different nurse for my well woman exam at the same clinic a couple of weeks ago. I explained the whole issue again. since I was only there for my well woman exam she really couldn't go into great detail on what I should do. however she did write me a lab slip to recheck my hormone levels on the medications I've been taking and referred me to see the fertility specialist there.  the next day I had my blood drawn for my hormone levels.  One week later I was scheduled to see the fertility specialist. the nurse called to give me my lab results, and told me they forgot to include my insulin levels. so before I went to the fertility specialist I had to have my blood drawn again to check my insulin.  I got it that same day I went in to go see her in the morning. That afternoon was my appointment and JC was supposed to meet me at the doctor's office. I got off of work a little earlier than expected so decided to head up to the appointment early.  as usual JC was running late and got there right at my appointment time, but by then I was already in the office with the nurse.  she was going over a few things with me regarding my cycle.  she seemed pretty rushed while she was talking to me and telling me that we needed to get my periods under control.  she went over my levels again from my previous lab work and said that everything looked good and to keep taking the medication I was taking. these included my thyroid medication, and my medication to decrease my prolactin level.  she told me to get off the steroids since it did not seem to be doing anything as far as lowering my testosterone level.  after going into detail about all that, I asked her when would I know if I ovulated.  she says that I can get on birth control to regulate my cycles.  I was like, "what?! I'm trying to get pregnant, why would I go on birth control?" that just changed EVERYTHING and she asked, "you're trying to get pregnant?" I told her yes and that's why I was coming in to see her because the nurse  I've been seeing since May has not been able to regulate my cycle; that's originally why I came into the clinic in the first place.  that's when JC walked in. we did brief introductions and she apologized for not realizing I was trying to get pregnant. Somehow the person who scheduled me put that i was just being seen for a lab follow-up, so we basically had to start all over in regards to analyzing my labs. she asked why I hadn't had my thyroid checked. I told her was it was supposed to be checked since they were just re-running all the labs I had in May. she said they must have forgotten to add it so I had to do it again that afternoon and have my blood drawn a second time that day. then we got into detail about fertility treatment.  she said I should probably be scheduled to have an ultrasound done of my uterus and ovaries. I told her I already had that done back in June.  I told her that the record should be in my file.  she looked it up in her computer and after a minute or two said, "I think you have PCOS."  as you can imagine, I was shocked! I told her how could that be when the nurse before told me that I was clear of that. she said the study was kind of hard to read, but based on her interpretation it look like polycystic ovaries.  because of my excessive body tissue it was kind of hard to read. so she said from here on out we will be considered PCOS related infertility.  she said that she wanted to get me started on metformin because I exhibit symptoms of insulin resistance.  that's what I was hoping for back in May when I originally came. I knew I was right! I know my body! the next few words out of her mouth were so relieving to me.  she basically said because of my age and how many years we been trying to conceive, we needed to try to get me pregnant pronto! she would start me on metformin to take as soon as possible and give me provera to jump start my period. then she gave me a prescription to take progesterone to help increase my endomitrial lining to sustain a pregnancy, should I become pregnant. She also said she would start me on Clomid! the heavens part and the angels sang!  Lol.  I've been reading lots of blogs, going to message board communities, and watching YouTube videos of women suffering from PCOS and infertility.  I know exactly what this meant. basically the clomid will start your ovulation, by helping your eggs mature.  that will help initiate pregnancy should all things go well. I won't be able to start this medication until cycle date 3, but until then, I'm going to finish my dosage of provera. she said we would two cycles of clomid, and if not pregnant by January, we would take more aggressive measure (meaning "trigger" injections of HCG).  As for now, I'm just waiting on AF to come. until then all I can do is wait. once AF comes, on the third day I can start the clomid from CD 3 to 7. once I finish that I wait until CD 16 to start my progesterone supplements. as stated before this will help maintain my endometrial lining for the pregnancy.  if after CD 32 / 34, and AF comes, I'll stop the progesterone and I'll allow her to ruin my month lol. because obviously that means I'm not pregnant. during those 2 days I should take HPT to confirm. if BFN, I will repeat for the next cycle in January. if AF  hasn't shown, I will again confirm with HPT on those days. if BFP ( crossing our fingers), I will continue to take the progesterone during the remainder of pregnancy.   if no BFP by then, we will start the HCG injections I'm kind of excited but dreading it at the same time. I'm hoping it won't get to that point because then we're talking about more money spent.  these trigger shots are also linked with risk of multiples. even though it sounds nice, medically I know the risks involved with those pregnancies. with the clomid, there's a small percentage of risk of multiples but very slight. either way, hubby is hoping for twins! I wouldn't mind, as long as I have a healthy pregnancy.  all this makes me very hopeful and I have a newfound energy.  I haven't stated before but last couple of months I've been in a pretty bad funk.  I was depressed, gaining weigh,t and crying almost everyday. I spoke with a friend of mine and she suggested therapy.  I'm thankful that my work provide this free service.  I went 3 times as my benefits allowed me, to talk to a therapist.  I'm not really feeling her but I enjoyed our conversations and getting to find out more about my husband since he goes as well. we have since used our 3 visits and now I'm paying through our insurance. we have gone to see her four times already and have made in a 5th appointment.  I have yet to cry though, I was expecting it.  after our second visit, that's when everything started looking up and so I really haven't had any problems with the depression anymore. I now have a better outlook on life and i'm on my way to losing weight. it's been a slow and steady journey and will continue to be. I know it will never be easy for me to lose the weight since now I have been recently diagnosed with PCOS. I'm happy to know there is reason for all my symptoms, and happy to know that I was right all along. not many know people know this, but PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. many cases go undiagnosed. and more women actually have it then you would think.  I have decided to be pretty open about all my medical issues with regards to TTC. I think it helps me cope better with the reality. it also opens other's eyes to what women are facing on a daily basis; it is a struggle.

my mom and I are very close and I think this has brought us closer. although she suffered a different condition during her to TCC years (endometriosis), she understands the struggles I go through every day.  my family, I thought would be the most supportive.  I really haven't explained things to my dad, and I don't think he really needs to know. I think it would just be TMI for him. maybe my mom discusses it with him; I really don't care. my sister, on the other hand, I opened up to her the other day. like I said, I expected my family to be the most supportive. I was extremely disappointed to find out that she has no clue what it's like to be in my shoes.  I was hurt the day I told her... she basically said I shouldn't go through all this trouble and should look into adoption.  she basically said that if my body is not responding to anything, then I shouldn't try.  because it was so easy for her to get pregnant she does not understand a clue. then to make matters worse, my brother in law walks in during our conversation and overhears.  his response to all this was, "are you sure you're ready?" even after I told him yes, no doubt. he said, "are you really ready? kids are lot of responsibility. kids require a lot of money. you have to stop going out. baby become your first priority. if they get sick you have to take them to the doctor, you have to miss work. you also just can't get up and go. You need a babysitter. you have to constantly watch them. no more leaving things to the last minute."

and on and on and on
you get it.

really?

I didn't know that.
you mean to tell me having kids is a big job for the rest of my life?
you mean I can't keep doing the same thing I've always been doing?
I can't go out?
I can't hang out my friends?
you mean that Louis Vuitton bag that I've been eyeing has to be put on hold?
you mean I can't just splurge my IRS refund?

you got to be kidding me!
I had no idea! you make it seem so easy!
I mean you had 4 kids and you wanted more? Now you have 5!
were you ready for your son? were you prepared? I mean REALLY prepared?
I mean, it's only been 2 years since we've been married, but I think a little bit more time would be appropriate don't you think? I mean we've only just begun right?
when is anyone ever really ready for a baby?
yeah 32 IS a little young to be thinking about kids right now. 

you're right

what was I ever thinking?...

...  and surprisingly enough JC walks into the room. "babe guess what?", I say. "Steph and Oscar are asking are we really ready for a baby?" "yes", he says. "well, I mean they're saying it's a lot of trouble. they're saying if it's taking us so much effort for us to have our own that maybe we should adopt."


..... to be cont'd....

Snack Food Faves

I thought I'd post a few foods that I have been enjoying over the past couple of weeks.

Wasabi Flavored Almonds
Raisins
Cottage Cheese and Whole wheat crackers
Chocolate Flavored Cream of Wheat
Applesauce
Baby carrots and Hummus
Apple slices and peanut butter
Baked sweet potato
Honey Nut Cheerios w/ blueberries
String Cheese
Turkey wrapped asparagus
Chick Fil A sauce (I use this as a salad dressing)
Turkey/walnut/raisin/lettuce wrap


Mmmmm.....

Updates

So it's been a while since I last posted and some things have changed since then.  I fell off the wagon a couple of months ago.  And gained back nearly every pound I had lost.  I also got a new job.  I got re-hired with the company that laid me off last year and started at the beginning of May.  Since then, my health insurance has been reinstated so now I have medical coverage.  First thing on the list?.... Go for a full workup with a OB/Gyn.  I found a group in Houston when I was researching infertility.  It's called Women's Health Care Center of Houston and they have several locations around the Houston area.  I made an appointment with one of the nurse practitioners there, Mary Helen and first saw her about 3 weeks ago.  I was going there with the impression that I had developed PCOS and thereby making us infertile.  At my last Well-Woman exam, the midwife there suggested that I look into getting a workup done to get that checked out.  Since then, I've done some research on what it is, how it's managed, and how I can overcome infertility.  I was almost positive that this is what I had since I had all the signs and symptoms of it.  My intent in going to the clinic earlier this month was to get that diagnosed and treated.  During my consult, Mary Helen discussed with me the importance of losing weight in order to get all these problems under control; a lecture, I've heard many a times and knew inside and out.  I told her about my lack of success of losing weight and the yo-yo dieting I've gone through throughout the years; again, being fully aware that this is something she's heard time and time again.  Still got the lecture and details of what my diet and excercise should consist of... blah, blah, blah.  I know this all too well... after all, I have had success losing weight, it's just that keeping it off and lack of motivation are what the problems are.  Either way, she sent me off with a long list of blood work to be done and an appointment with the ultrasound tech to have my ovaries and uterus looked at.  I had my blood drawn a few days later and a week after that (yesterday), I had my ultrasound which was a bit uncomfortable.  I guess it's what to expect when you have a long probe sticking into your girly bits and moving around down there, all the while having to push down on your ovaries, can give anyone discomfort.

Anyhow, today was my follow-up with Mary Helen and JC was there to join me this time.  Turns out that I DO NOT have PCOS, but I still have issues with my hormone levels.  She had diagnosed me with 1)Hypothyroidism 2)Borderline Diabetic 3) Hyperprolactinemia 4)Excessive testosterone production and 5)Mild fatty liver.  What does this all mean?  Basically, since my hormones are all out of whack, I am unable to ovulate, therefore I don't have regular menstrual cycles.  This mostly is due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones to stimulate my pituitary gland into regulating everything else.  Therefore my body produces more prolactin and testosterone (also hormones).  And all these contribute to the signs and symptoms I had originally thought were caused by PCOS (obesity, facial hair, acne, irritability, amenorrhea/oligomemorrhea, food cravings, dark skin patches, low energy, and infertility).  I asked her if these were all caused from me being obese and she said it could be possibly both obesity and genetics.  Either way, losing weight is still gonna have to be my main goal, since weigh loss can decrease all these problems.  Understood.  So she is putting me on 3 medications to control these hormones and according to her in about 2-4 weeks my hormones should level out to produce regular menstrual cycles.  Then in about 3 months (hopefully!), AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS... I may be able to get pregnant!!!  JC and I are soooooooo excited!  That's the best thing I've heard in a long, long, time.  It gives me renewed hope!  I can't wait!  She said once AF comes, I should have my labs re-drawn to see what my levels look like, so she gave me the lab slip for when that time comes around.  Also, she gave us a referral to a fertility clinic to have hubby's sperm analyzed so that we can have all our bases covered.  I'm not really worried about that, since I'm pretty sure that it's all me... but you never know.  Hubby is game for anything and being really supportive during this time.

Speaking of which, we've both been eating better and managing our food intake.  I'm still using Spark People and have even started using their menu plans (although there's been some hits and misses).  Also, I joined Curves gym on a free 30-day trial run.  My thoughts so far is that this is not gonna be for me.  Though I enjoy the small gym and circuit rotations, the setting is a bit to intimate for me.  There's only a few women who are there at a time and with the exercise coach there in full view, she gives you a lot of focus and attention; something that makes me a bit uncomfortable.  I also went to me very first Zumba class last nigh, and I LOVED it!  I may have a bit of social anxiety, but I like the idea of disappearing in the crowd.  With everyone around you dancing and sweating and no one there you know, I don't feel like I'm being judged and I can just blend into to background of people.  I worked up quite a sweat and it felt good!  Best of all, it's free!  I think this will be my weapon of choice... Zumba here I come!  Also, I'm thinking of bringing my nieces along for the experience.  I think it's something they would enjoy too... and also trying to still get my sis to tag along.

So that's all for now.  Last week's weigh in I was down 6 pounds!  So keep it up Mely!!!

The Big O?

So I'm CD 39 today, and I've been checking my CM and doing OPKs for the past week.  This past Thursday and Friday, I had what seemed like highly fertile CM!  Even though OPKs still read negative, I still have hopes that perhaps I ovulated.  So after BD, we shall see what happens.  According to my chart, my temps have consistently stayed low, but yesterday I threw off my sleep schedule by taking a long nap, so I'm not too sure what my actual waking temp is.  I took it when I first woke up from my nap around 12 midnight and it was around 97.14 and then I took it again when I woke up from my "sleep-sleep" around 1 pm and it was a whole degree higher at 98.14.  So I don't know which one to record.  I usually take my temps around 6:30 am, so you can see my dilemma.  Anyways, tomorrow I'll be back on schedule so we'll see what my temp reads.

As for my weight loss update, I only lost 1 pound last week.  But I can't be too disappointed since I was kind of bad last week.  I didn't work out or record my foods.  Oh well.  Hopefully this week will be a lot better.

Baby Itch!

I'm totally feeling the baby itch nowadays, and yesterday it was pretty strong.  I was thinking about getting started on the nursery.  Thinking about what colors I want to paint it and what style(s) I want to go with.  Since obviously I'm not pregnant yet, I don't know what the sex of the baby will be, so it will be something gender neutral.  I started to Google nursery ideas and saw some pretty cute ideas for the nursery.  I also made a purchase online for our future baby.  Over the past year I've made a couple of "baby buys".  So far I have a Texans infant girl outfit (only $5 at Target on Clearance... can't go wrong) and an elephant hand puppet.  Yesterday I bought a musical bear on Ebay.  It's used, but when I came across it, it was something I just had to get.  It was super cute.  Here's a picture of it:

So cute, right? Anyways, while browsing I came across some youtube videos about cloth diapering and I am seriously considering doing this with the baby.  There are several brands of diapers and different ways of doing it.  I will probably buy one of several brands to try them all out, but I think so far, based on what I've seen, the prefold diapers will work best for me.  There's a great set of videos on youtube where she goes over the basics of cloth diapering.  It's called Cloth Diapering 101.

After all that... I was still fienin' for baby stuff, so I jumped the gun and started a baby registry on Amazon.  I know, I know... I'm kinda going overboard on everything.  But I've got the itch pretty bad.  Today is a little better, so I'm trying to occupy my mind with other things.

Anyways that's all for today.  I kind of like the carnival/circus theme, since I have a vintage carousel horse that I've had since childhood and I'd like to incorporate it into the nursery theme somehow.  Here are a few pics I dowloaded for nursery ideas.

Month 2 off to a Bad Start :(

So my birthday week came and went.  I weighed myself and took my measurements on Friday, and not the usual Sunday, because I was traveling out of town that weekend.  Well I guess with the birthday dinners and birthday cake that I had on Thursday, I gained half a pound so now I'm back up to 259.  I was a little dissappointed, but didn't dwell on it much since it was only half a pound.
Well the weekend started and I was eating pretty unhealthy over my 3 day bday weekend.  I tried to start out with a healthy grilled chicken dinner, but ate a fattening late night meal that night... cheesy nachos.  They were soooo good, so I tried to savor it as much as possible.  Then it was also super bowl weekend, so along with that came snack food and drinking...  that wasn't too good either.  Nonetheless, I vowed to be really good when I got back home.  Unfortunately I also came down with a cold over the weekend, and had to call in sick on Monday for work.  I wanted to rest up from the trip.  So my week didn't start off too good either.  Anyways, I'm slowly getting back on the wagon.  I promised I would work out twice a day for this first week back, and so far it hasn't happened.  Last night I got a good 30 minute work out in the evening... but I stayed up late and today didn't wake up as early as I intended for my morning workout.  However, I did workout this afternoon and intend to workout this evening as well.  I'm kind of nervous for weigh-ins on Sunday, because with my pigging out over the weekend and being sick and not working out, I'm afraid I'll gain back everything I've worked so hard to lose these last few weeks.  I'll be so disappointed if I'm back in the 260s :(  Well, it's only Wednesday and I've still got the rest of the week to work hard.   I'm hoping to lose at least one pound if not maybe no change from my last weigh in.  So until then I'm keeping my fingers crossed.