A Much Needed Update

So as 2013 comes near the end, I can't say that we've had any life-changing events.  In fact it was pretty unremarkable... except for the whole foreign student exchange thing.

And what's up with that you ask?  Well it's a pretty long story, but to sum it up, both girls have been placed with new host families.  Due to a combination of different personalities, different lifestyles, and different interests everyone at home was a little unhappy and frustrated with each other.  Girls were with us only two and a half months, but we did learn a lot during that time.

1. We are never doing it again... lol. 
2.  Fostering is out of the question
3.  I learned I really enjoy cooking
4.  I miss the gym... really
5.  I miss my "ME" time
6.  I took sleeping sans clothing for granted
7.  I really have a threshold for pleasing people
8.  DH needs to change his hours if we are to ever have kids of our own
9.  I really love my furbabies
10.  .... and this was a big one... I don't think we are ready to be parents

Yes, I know... is anyone every "really" ready?  But this experience was such a huge disappointment that it made me question whether I really wanted to have kids.  Especially with the hours DH and I work.  If I wasn't at work, I was at home with the girls.  It was tiring tending to them... and they're 17!  DH had it easy.  He only saw them on the weekends.  He works M-F 3-11pm, so he left for work right before the girls got home from school and by the time he came home, we were all asleep.  I begged him to take them on the weekend.  I dreaded waking up on the weekend... what kind of life is that?  Obviously I wasn't happy with the situation either.  DH tells me our kids will be different, because we will raise them the way we want.  I see his point, but still I realized how much I enjoy my alone time.  I dunno, maybe I'm just tired with the whole TTCing issue and it comes out this way but either way, I told hubby I'm not ready for TTC anytime soon.

Which brings me to a new subject.  AF has finally arrived after CD253!  What the what?!  So what happened?  Well first off, I didn't really miss it one bit.  No worries on spotting, staining.... no having to buy pads and tampons for 8 months.  No PMS, no menstrual cramps.  Yeah, it was fun while it lasted but deep down inside I knew it wasn't right.  But with no health insurance and keeping my mind busy with other things (and other people) I just didn't deal with it.  Now that the girls are gone, I'm back on track with working out, and I've learned a new hobby in cooking (so now we don't eat out as much) I've decided to focus on me and my health.  Especially when this phase of not wanting kids passes, I'm gonna want to jump back on that TTC train.  So about 3 weeks ago I started back on Vitex and progesterone cream.  I figured my PCOS was probably out of control and I needed a much needed visit from AF eventually.  So I did a little research to refresh my memory on how to use Vitex and the cream as an aid in managing PCOS.  I'm taking Vitex 2x a day and using 40mg of progesterone twice a day as well.  Lo and behold 2 weeks later she makes a surprise visit.  Score one for Mely!  While off the vitex and progesterone during AF, I start to incorporate a daily cinnamon supplement as well.  I've done the research and confident that the cinnamon will help in managing these health issues.  I'm taking a 1000mg tablet twice a day.  It's proven to help control blood glucose and insulin resistance... the major dilemma in PCOS.  The vitex helps regulate menstrual cycles and the cream is used to help boost progesterone levels.  These are all natural ways to maintain and regulate the female reproductive system so I'm hoping that with proper diet and exercise, I will soon be on my way to being PCOS-free.  I guess in a way, I'm indirectly TTCing... lol.  I just want to feel better and funny enough, I think it's working not only has AF come (I'm CD 14), but I feel more feminine... I feel like wearing makeup everyday.

That's about it.  Not planning for much in 2014, just want to get healthier.  Until next time...

Breakdown

I was texting a friend earlier this evening about something that went down this weekend that I failed to mention in my last post.  I thought about mentioning it yesterday while typing up my post, but decided against it cause it was sort of embarrassing.  But here I am again and gonna put it out there.  I'm sure someone can relate.

So Saturday night (er, Sunday morning) after we closed down the bar, I was insistent on staying out for a little while longer.  Mind you, I was I was intoxicated.  I asked DH to call a friend who was at the bar with us to see where he was and if we could chill at his place for awhile since he lived close to us.  Turns out another friend had decided to hang out there with him as well and so he invited us to his place.  While we were there, we were just watching TV and talking.  Somehow conversation turned to kids and pregnancy (mind you it's me, DH, and two other guys) and one of my friends mentioned that he "knocked up" a girl, but he hadn't told anyone about it.  We were supposedly the first people he told.  The kid is like 10 years old now, so it happened a while back.  He was telling us that he doesn't get to see his daugher often and then proceeded to show us pics of her.  Already, I was pissed cuz I know this guy tends to sleep around and has commitment issues.  But in my drunken state, I was FURIOUS!  From what I remember (and what hubby tells me I said), I told this guy off and told him he didn't deserve to have a kid.  That some people would give anything to have what comes so easily to him.  Then I start venting about my ovaries and they don't freakin' work and now I can't have what I want most.  Then my other guy friend gets involved (he has two, unplanned kids from a past relationship) and has the nerve to say not all pregnancies are easy.  That being pregant can be hard on some women.  With his 1st child, his then girlfriend had to be on bedrest and the baby was still premature.  He says I should be LUCKY that I don't have to go through what she went through.  EXCUSE ME?!  EXCUSE ME?!  That's when I literally got up in his face, jabbed my finger at his chest and tell him he has NO right to tell me what'd I'd be willing to go through for a baby.  I don't remember much of what I told him, but whatever I said resulted in a shouting/crying fit.  The next thing I remember, DH was walking me out of the door and to the car.  I just remember crying the whole way home (like ugly, sniff, sniff, baby want a bottle, puffy faced crying).  Until I get home and see my birthday prank car surprise.  Which by then, I'm going back and forth between crying and laughing.

So waking up the next day, I completely forget this happened, until DH happens to mention it when helping me recall everything that went on that night.  I was soooooo embarassed.  I haven't even called those friends to apologize for my behavior.  I hardly ever get beligerent when I'm drunk, much less start a crying fit.  I apologized to DH and he said he completely understood where it was coming from.  All that pent up frustration had to come out sometime.  And he said more than likely, they'd be over it quick.  I guess guys are like that.  Anyways, just wanted to share this bit of excitement that went down over the weekend.  Too bad we can't vent to people who frustrate us like this all the time.  LOL.

Omg! Am I O-ing?

could it be?! Like in my previous posts, I've been doing OPK's twice a day.  top strip was starting cd 8 in the evening. then following are 2 for cd 9 in the morning in the afternoon.  and then the last 2 are for today's in the morning and then I just took 1 about an hour ago. it is SO close to positive! I'm almost sure tomorrow's is gonna definitely be a positive.  I'm so excited!
on the other hand, the clomid has got me soo hormonal.  I'm beginning to scare myself, lol.  One minute I can be weeping, tearing up, and feeling depressed the next minute a raging lunatic being pissed at everything.  mostly I've just been irritated at the slightest little thing.  you would think with Clomid, it would make us these submissive, romantic, sexy wives that our hubbies can't wait to come home to.  instead it's making us to be these BITCHES that I'm not even sure DH will want to BD with,  lol.  But seriously.... is that a side effect of the Big O?  If it is Mother Nature's got a crappy way of doing it, hahaha.
anyways, I will update soon...

Updates

So it's been a while since I last posted and some things have changed since then.  I fell off the wagon a couple of months ago.  And gained back nearly every pound I had lost.  I also got a new job.  I got re-hired with the company that laid me off last year and started at the beginning of May.  Since then, my health insurance has been reinstated so now I have medical coverage.  First thing on the list?.... Go for a full workup with a OB/Gyn.  I found a group in Houston when I was researching infertility.  It's called Women's Health Care Center of Houston and they have several locations around the Houston area.  I made an appointment with one of the nurse practitioners there, Mary Helen and first saw her about 3 weeks ago.  I was going there with the impression that I had developed PCOS and thereby making us infertile.  At my last Well-Woman exam, the midwife there suggested that I look into getting a workup done to get that checked out.  Since then, I've done some research on what it is, how it's managed, and how I can overcome infertility.  I was almost positive that this is what I had since I had all the signs and symptoms of it.  My intent in going to the clinic earlier this month was to get that diagnosed and treated.  During my consult, Mary Helen discussed with me the importance of losing weight in order to get all these problems under control; a lecture, I've heard many a times and knew inside and out.  I told her about my lack of success of losing weight and the yo-yo dieting I've gone through throughout the years; again, being fully aware that this is something she's heard time and time again.  Still got the lecture and details of what my diet and excercise should consist of... blah, blah, blah.  I know this all too well... after all, I have had success losing weight, it's just that keeping it off and lack of motivation are what the problems are.  Either way, she sent me off with a long list of blood work to be done and an appointment with the ultrasound tech to have my ovaries and uterus looked at.  I had my blood drawn a few days later and a week after that (yesterday), I had my ultrasound which was a bit uncomfortable.  I guess it's what to expect when you have a long probe sticking into your girly bits and moving around down there, all the while having to push down on your ovaries, can give anyone discomfort.

Anyhow, today was my follow-up with Mary Helen and JC was there to join me this time.  Turns out that I DO NOT have PCOS, but I still have issues with my hormone levels.  She had diagnosed me with 1)Hypothyroidism 2)Borderline Diabetic 3) Hyperprolactinemia 4)Excessive testosterone production and 5)Mild fatty liver.  What does this all mean?  Basically, since my hormones are all out of whack, I am unable to ovulate, therefore I don't have regular menstrual cycles.  This mostly is due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones to stimulate my pituitary gland into regulating everything else.  Therefore my body produces more prolactin and testosterone (also hormones).  And all these contribute to the signs and symptoms I had originally thought were caused by PCOS (obesity, facial hair, acne, irritability, amenorrhea/oligomemorrhea, food cravings, dark skin patches, low energy, and infertility).  I asked her if these were all caused from me being obese and she said it could be possibly both obesity and genetics.  Either way, losing weight is still gonna have to be my main goal, since weigh loss can decrease all these problems.  Understood.  So she is putting me on 3 medications to control these hormones and according to her in about 2-4 weeks my hormones should level out to produce regular menstrual cycles.  Then in about 3 months (hopefully!), AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS... I may be able to get pregnant!!!  JC and I are soooooooo excited!  That's the best thing I've heard in a long, long, time.  It gives me renewed hope!  I can't wait!  She said once AF comes, I should have my labs re-drawn to see what my levels look like, so she gave me the lab slip for when that time comes around.  Also, she gave us a referral to a fertility clinic to have hubby's sperm analyzed so that we can have all our bases covered.  I'm not really worried about that, since I'm pretty sure that it's all me... but you never know.  Hubby is game for anything and being really supportive during this time.

Speaking of which, we've both been eating better and managing our food intake.  I'm still using Spark People and have even started using their menu plans (although there's been some hits and misses).  Also, I joined Curves gym on a free 30-day trial run.  My thoughts so far is that this is not gonna be for me.  Though I enjoy the small gym and circuit rotations, the setting is a bit to intimate for me.  There's only a few women who are there at a time and with the exercise coach there in full view, she gives you a lot of focus and attention; something that makes me a bit uncomfortable.  I also went to me very first Zumba class last nigh, and I LOVED it!  I may have a bit of social anxiety, but I like the idea of disappearing in the crowd.  With everyone around you dancing and sweating and no one there you know, I don't feel like I'm being judged and I can just blend into to background of people.  I worked up quite a sweat and it felt good!  Best of all, it's free!  I think this will be my weapon of choice... Zumba here I come!  Also, I'm thinking of bringing my nieces along for the experience.  I think it's something they would enjoy too... and also trying to still get my sis to tag along.

So that's all for now.  Last week's weigh in I was down 6 pounds!  So keep it up Mely!!!

9 DPO

So this may be the one!  Today marks my 9th day post ovulation (DPO) and I'm just waiting to test.

To give a little background on myself:
I had been on oral contraceptives for a few years.  I first started using them in my early 20's as a means of regulating my menstrual cycles.  I went off them for about 3 years, and when I still continued having irregular cycles, I went back on them until about a year ago.   I decided I should go off the pill so as to prepare my body for when we try to conceive. About a month after our wedding last October, JC and I decided that if it happens, it happens, so we stopped using birth control.  My body had gone back to irregular cycles, so there were times when we weren't sure if I was pregnant or not.  After a few weeks of negative home pregnancy tests (HPTs), I decided to go see my doctor.  She ordered a lab workup, and it all came out clear.  So I could only attribute my irregularity to my obesity, which is something I've always been warned about.  It is known that obese women have trouble getting pregnant and risk dangers while pregnant.  I have tried a few times to lose weight but have been unsuccessful.  Because of this, I knew we would have a long and difficult journey ahead of us.

Now that we are sitting at nearly a year after all this, JC and I are really concerned about be not being able to get knocked up.  We've recently decided that we will start trying to conceive (TTC).  And so that meant me going back to the doctor to get another check up.  I went to this women's health and birth center in Pearland that my good friend Tanya recommended to me awhile back.  I am hoping for a natural birth, so I figured that I would start seeing the midwife here for general checkups and exams so that when our time came, we would already have that relationship established.  So about 2 months ago I went in for a pre-conception consult.  We went over my medical/family history and she ran some bloodwork on me.  Again all came out well.  She suggested I try some natural progesterone hormone cream to help regulate my cycles.  Use it twice a day for 21 days then stop for 7 days and repeat.  Simple enough right?  Well I started it that evening and 12 days after starting, Aunt Flo (AF) came for a visit.  I called the midwife to see if I should continued to use it till day 28, but she didn't return my phone calls for 2 days.  So I looked online and saw that once you start your period, your supposed to wait 12 days until after you stop, to go back to using it.  So I did this.  In the meantime, I've been recording my basal body temperature (BBT) every morning and monitoring my cervical mucus (CM)... both of which are very important if you are seriously TTC.  I use a program on Fertility Friend that helps monitor things while you are TTC.  This past month I presented with some fertile CM and took advantage of it.  So far my chart shows that I definately ovulated on September 26, which made our intercourse timing good!  As predicted, my temperatures have stayed elevated for 8 days since and these are all good signs.  Before, I had erratic and annovulatory charts.  I am still on the progesterone cream and just awaiting October 14th, when I can finally test!  (That is if that nagging AF doesn't come for a visit first.)

Another thing that I've noticed are several symptoms that have started more recently, including headaches, heartburn, bachaches, low energy, and gas.  These are all things that need to be recorded as you TTC.  Recently we've also been under alot of stress with trying to buy a house and that doesn't help: 1.) me trying to get pregnant and 2.) some of these symptoms can go hand in hand w/ stress.  So now with a combination of stress and perhaps even "psyching" myself out I'm experiencing all these symptoms that I normally wouldn't.  So you can see why I'm anticipating the day when I can test. I am staying positive that all these signs could mean one thing, but also not trying to keep my hopes up high... just in case.  But for some reason, I'm still leaning more towards the hopeful side and can't help but think.... THIS IS THE ONE :)  So until then...