BEDA #4

I'm at work this morning, 5 minutes late but who's counting.  I kind of wish I'd taken the day off.  There's really nothing for me to do here today.  I'm contracted to do a particular type of testing and they schedule me to be here at the hospital every Monday.  Well today I'm here and though there are patients that need testing, there is no doctor here to sign off on the tests.  Therefore, I can't test today.  So I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs.  This is getting really old.  I mean sure some people would say "I'd love to get paid to sit around and do nothing", and I do enjoy it.... to an extent.  But I'm that type of person who needs to stay busy and feel like I've earned my pay.  I kind of feel like when I'm here and not testing, everyone in my department notices.  But it's out of my hands, it's up to the hospital to hire more doctors in my specialty.  Plus the days drag on and on when I'm not testing.  I haven't even been here an hour and I'm bored out of my mind... and I've got 7 more hours of this bullsh*t left today.

On days that I'm not testing, I try to take advantage of learning new skills, so I try and shadow other techs to learn about other testing.  Most of the techs here in this department are pretty cool and willing to help train you.  Plus there are students that come in a couple times a week from the local college, so the techs are used to it.  Today the students are here and I understand they have 1st priority.  However there is one tech here without a student and when I ask if I can work with her today, she gives every excuse under the sun to keep me away.  I understand "No" the first time, don't keep rubbing it in.  So I'm stuck here in my "room" (which is basically a storage closet) trying to keep busy... which right now means writing this blog.  I pulled out a couple if books so that I can try to study today, but I have a short attention span so we'll see how long that lasts.

This is starting to get real old, and I dunno how much longer I can do this.  I've given myself 6 more months to see if things change.  If not, I'm ready to turn in my resignation letter.

Mood: frustrated

Glad to Be Back! BEDA #1

Wow!  It's been a while since my last post.  Over two months.  This is gonna be a long update.  But that's a good thing since I'm thinking of doing BEDA this year.  BEDA stands for Blog Every Day in August.  I got the idea from fellow YouTubers who do VEDA, and since I stopped posting videos, I decided why not do BEDA instead?  I'm a day late, but I think tonight's blog entry will make up for yesterday as well.  So here goes...

We've had quite a change in pace over the past 2 months here at home.  Though there has been a couple of obstacles to get around, most of the change has been for the better.  We are now well acquainted with our foreign exchange students.  We've been in communication with them regularly over the last month and a half and it's so exciting learning more and more about them.  They are both happily anticipating their visit here with us and already we've made huge plans in traveling and showing them what we like.  The list that I mentioned in my past blog has gotten even longer in length.  There's over 100 things that I've listed that I can't wait to show them.  Granted we probably won't be able to do all of it, but I'm hoping we can do most of it.  The girls will be coming in a few weeks, and though we are not quite ready for them yet (still working on getting them registered for school... still need to do some major cleaning around the house), we are almost there.  I keep procrastinating and putting off the cleaning for the weekends, but those "cleaning weekends" never seem to hash out.  We've always got something else better to do... lol.  Anyways, that's about the only thing I'm worried about.  Keeping my fingers crossed that we can make some progress on the cleaning this weekend, even though we've already got plans for the evening.

So just to share a little more information about our girls.  G, as you recall, is from Thailand.  She's the one we've been in contact with the longest (and probably the most "like" us).  She's kind of shy and timid, but she's super cute.  She's this tiny little thing, probably not even 5 foot tall, and under 100 lbs.  So cute, you just want to put her in your pocket.  She's still working on getting better at English, and she's a bit nervous about being able to communicate well with us and her fellow peers.  She's still attending school in Thailand and actually just completed her midterm exams.  She's also really involved in her cultural exchange organization that she participates in outside of school.  Unlike the U.S., in Thailand, school is strictly for educational subject classes like math, reading, history, government, language studies, etc.  Any sports or clubs that students wish to participate in, they have to do on their own time away from school.  G likes being in her cultural exchange program.  Already, she has spent a summer in New Zealand as a member of the organization.  They also recently had their annual prom, in which they got to celebrate and spend one more evening with their friends of the organization, before packing up and jetting off to their respective countries for the foreign exchange program.  G tells me that she has 3 more friends coming to the U.S., though none set for Texas.  She is super excited about coming here to Texas, as she has seen lots of pictures of the landscape, seen it portrayed in movies, and read about all the wonderful things to do while here in our city.  One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going horseback riding.  She's been once before in New Zealand and she really enjoyed it.  She's also excited to meet new friends, though she admits she's a little shy and quiet at first.  She's kind of glad M will also be staying with us, as it gives her an opportunity to make a friend before school starts.  She's also looking forward to getting involved with school sports, primarily swimming and perhaps cheerleading.  She wants to take Spanish class so that she can learn the language.  It's something she's been interested in for a while.  She enjoys the same music as me (in regards to American pop music) and said she's eager to learn how to dance.  I told her I like dancing all kinds of music, so she's excited for me to teach her a few things.  I told her I would like to learn how to cook Thai food and she eagerly offered to teach me.  Though she doesn't cook very much at home in Thailand, she has picked up a few things from her mother.  She's very eager to learn and experience as much as she can here with us and every time we email each other, she gives me a countdown as to when she arrives.

M is our other student.  She is from Germany.  She's very different from G, though I think that will only give them more to talk about when they are together.  She's a little more versed in travel and new experiences.  She loves the study of language and is also pretty fluent in Spanish.  She tells me she also has plans to learn French and Madarin Chinese.  Wow, how motivated she is!  She is also very involved in tennis in her homeland.  She competes in regular tournaments and hoping she can continue the sport while staying here with us.  We found out the high school does have a tennis team so hopefully she will be able to participate in that.  She also has an interest in cheerleading.  She seems a little more social and outspoken, though we've only communicated via email.  She spent the summer in Spain and actually just got back home this week.  Plus her birthday was a couple of days ago, so it's one thing after another and she seems to stay pretty busy.  Though we haven't had as much communication with her as we have with G, she does respond pretty thoroughly in her emails.  Her English writing is very good.  She also seems to enjoy the same kind of music as I do (we have some of the same favorite music artists).  She tells me she is looking forward to learning about the American culture.  She wants to be involved in foreign languages when she grows up, so she is hoping to also master the English language while staying here.  She tells me she's not much of a cook, but does enjoy her German food so she's eager to try the local German restaurant that I mentioned earlier.  She's not into spicy food much so I don't know how she'll handle Mexican and Thai food.  We shall see.  I told her about our local German festival and Oktoberfest and she says she's super excited to check it out.   One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going shopping.  What teenage girl isn't?  She tells me that she's heard that name brands (especially her favorites, Hollister and Ambercrombie) are pretty affordable here in the states, while in Germany it's really expensive.  She doesn't seem to be nervous at all about coming here to the U.S.  I asked her if she has ever traveled here and she said a couple of times to Ohio, where she has some distant relatives.  As much as she has traveled and studied Spanish, maybe I can learn a thing or two from her.

So those are our 2 students.  M just turned 17 and G is 16 and a half.  I'm still not sure what grades they'll be in since we still need to get them registered.  But like I said earlier, we already have so much planned for them.  I wanted to do something big for either the winter holiday break or spring break and since hubby is pretty much guaranteed mandatory overtime during December, I figured we could hold off until the spring break holiday.  So what I've started working on is planning a trip to Disney World!  I asked the girls first whether their parents would allow them to travel to Florida and whether they'd be able to afford their expenses for the trip.  They both discussed it with their family and happily agreed upon the trip.  They are both very excited to get to experience Disney since they haven't ever visited any of the theme parks around the world.  But of course what kid wouldn't be excited?!  Hubby and I are excited ourselves as we've never experienced it either.  So that is the big thing we have planned in March.  Another thing that hubby and I are planning is a Welcome to America party for the girls.  Just something to introduce them to other kids and some of our family and close friends.  We are trying to keep it as small as possible, but hubby and I love to throw parties, especially one that has music and barbeque.  And finally, and this came up just recently, we decided to invite them to UFC #166 when it comes to our city in October.  We weren't sure if they'd want to go, especially having never seen it and the tickets being so expensive.  But running it by their parents, they were ready to jump in for the experience.  So happy to say, we bought 4 tickets for the upcoming fights and can't wait to share our love of the sport with them.

And now moving on to less interesting news... As far as a TTC update, there's really nothing to report on.  It's on the back burner and not a priority in our life right now (something I thought I'd never hear myself say).  I don't want to say I've given up on it, but I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm not going to be a mom unless we adopt or until I can get pregnant.  And the getting pregnant thing won't be happening anytime soon.  We've both basically have an understanding that unless we have some serious medical intervention (i.e. IVF) that it won't be happening naturally.  It's the reality of the situation and right now I'm ok with that.  I can't say that I won't ever try other means again, but my body is so screwed up right now, that mother nature has pretty much crossed me off her list.  Yeah it sucks, but hey... shit happens.  And when I say screwed up I mean not only that I haven't had my period in almost 5 months (today is CD 141), but I've put on a few more pounds, and I haven't seen a doctor since we last tried with HCG in January.  And no, I'm not pregnant.  I take a HPT every first of the month to make sure I don't wind up on that show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant".  Yesterday's test, just as expected came out with a BFN.  No surprise there... and it didn't even phase me.

As for the weight thing, yes I know, I know.  I can't believe I gained weight either.  I was a little depressed as the whole TTC came to a startling halt.  That probably contributed to it.  But mainly I blame it on letting go.  Since letting go of the whole TTC journey, I kinda was like "F- it!"  Before I was trying to lose the weight for babymaking, but since that's not gonna happen I decided to enjoy life.  Now that I have steady work and the paychecks are coming in regularly, hubby and I have been taking advantage and enjoying going to eat out.  We've both actually started to gain weight.  And then because I started working so much, I was skipping the gym.  And then I get home and I'm super tired and just want to lounge around the house.  It's a never ending cycle and I do want to get back on track especially with the girls coming.  I hate to validate the stereotype of fat and lazy Americans.  (I did some research on culture shock and one of the common first impressions from foreign exchange students are that Americans are fat and lazy.... boooooo)  Plus my girls seem really energetic and active and I want to be able to keep up with them.  I hope they will be able to motivate me.  Maybe I can get them on a student/child membership at the gym.  We'll see.

Finally, I just wanted to mention that this is the year for baby showers.  I told my mom the other day that I'm at that stage in life where everyone my age is getting pregnant.  It's kind of weird, kind of eerie, but I'm so thankful that I've put my TTC days behind me, because this year would suck royally had I still been TTC and not pregnant by now.  I finally re-activated my FB account, primarily to keep in touch with the girls (imagine life without social networking, how would we ever be in touch?  I mean who writes letters nowadays?... lol... that's sarcasm) and now that I'm back online and in full force, there are friends and family members announcing pregnancies and births left and right!  I'm thankful I have a job to afford all these gifts I'm buying.  I swear like every month I find out someone new is pregnant.  Happy for them, of course, but reminds me more and more that I'm not the one announcing it.  Not saying that in a bad way, just that these were some of the people asking me 3 years ago "So when are you gonna have kids?"  I guess time flies when you're having fun.

Well that's about all I gotta say for today.  Tomorrow is another day and I gotta think about what I want to write about.  So see you then.

CD 6 and Another Busy Weekend

Yes, you read right.  It's CD 6 for me and that's kind of bittersweet.  It's been two months since I've been off of fertility meds and one month since I've been doing acupuncture and taking Vitex.  So that means AF come all on her own.  Like I said, bittersweet.  Either way, I'm still excited that things have seemed to regulate.  I'm hoping it will stay like this for a while.  I still have yet to ovulate and since being off the meds these two cycles I've had since then, I still have had no clear ovulation pattern.  BOOOO :(  Then, about a week and a half ago, I called to refill my thyroid meds, metformin and dostinex (all meds my doc put me on while TTC).  Turns out they couldn't refill two of them because I'm due for my yearly check up (well woman exam).  I still have no insurance since getting laid off in December so this was a bummer.  I had been paying cash for my meds since January and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  Now adding the expenses of a well woman exam and labwork and I just thought "Nevermind".  I'm hoping this new natural treatment will work.  The 3rd med, dostinex, that my doc prescribed for my elevated levels of prolactin costs $146 for 4 pills!  I was like, "No thanks, put it back on the shelf."  So now I'm completely out of ALL my meds and going AU NATURAL, so to speak.  LOL.  I still am taking the Vitex one to two times a day, my prenatal vitamins and DHA daily, and acupuncture 2-3 times a week.  So I'm trying to stay hopeful and optimistic.  I had a short cycle this time, so maybe that's something good.

March is a busy month for me and my family.  We have 5 birthdays, literally weeks from each other.  My niece bday is March 2, DH is March 9, my sister's is March 16, my mom's is March 23 and my MIL is March 24.  So this past weekend, we celebrated my sister's 31st birthday.  You know, it's funny how you try to find the positives in IF.  This month was one of those times I was actually glad I wasn't PG.  I know I may have been taking advantage of the situation a little, but who wouldn't if you were in my shoes.  I've been drinking every weekend and this past one was no exception.  I actually may have drank more than I should have, but I'm glad I didn't get wasted.  I told hubby that I was making up for lost time from last weekend since I had to be DD for his bday.  Then with the rodeo in town, friends visiting, catching UFC fights, I'm not surprised that I'm enjoying this barren womb.  LOL.  Sorry.. a bit of sick IF humor there for you.  Plus tomorrow I'm off, so I'll prob be drinking tonight and then DH and I are going to the Maroon 5 concert with my BFF and her hubby.  And BFF is preggers, so that just means I have to drink for the both of us... hahahaha.  Anyways, as you can see March has been pretty exciting social-wise for us.

But being social also comes with its downfalls.  I'm still having to explain to friends why we haven't had kids.  I'm actually to the point where I just throw it out there about our IF, even to acquantainces.  I'm tired of the excuses, of sugar coating our situation.  I just put it out there and though the conversation can get kind of awkward, at least maybe they can stop asking.  Is it wrong that I get a kick out of it...  making it awkward for them?  Our conversation will go something like this...
Them: "Hey long time no see.  How are you?"
Me: "Good.  You?"
"Same here.  You know, same old same old.  How is married life treating you?  How's JC?"
"We're both good.  Still working, he's in school now, so he's trying to balance the two.  And how's the hubby and the kids?"
"We're good, hubby is still working at the same company.  Kids are growing fast.  Speaking of, when are you gonna start your family?  Have you started thinking about babies yet?"
"Oh, why yes!  It's been about what.... two and half years we've been trying?  Yeah, it's been a little difficult.  Believe me we want kids, it's just that infertility sucks."

"Honey, just relax it will happen"  OR  "Oh sweetie, stop trying so hard, you're just stressing yourself out."  OR  "Well it's good that you have this time for yourself right now.  Kids/Babies are alot of work."  OR  "God knows when it's your time.  Don't worry about it.  He'll bless you when you're ready."

"Well actually I have a medical condition called PCOS and I'm not able to get pregnant without medical intervention.  We've been through some treatments already but no luck so far.  Like I said, difficult but we are definately hopeful."  (Some people I even delve a little more information on what it is.  That my ovaries don't work right, that I have hormonal issues, etc.)

"Okay.... um, well I'll keep you in my prayers."  Or suddenly they get a text or they hear their kid calling for them, or they need to be somewhere soon or any other reason.  Some will even ask if we've tried fertility meds? (Ummmm.... Hello?  I said we've been through some treatments.) IVF? (we don't have that kind of money right now.  do you?  snarky, i know... lol) adoption? (nothing against this but since i'm being snarky... oh, why didn't I think of that?  your right it is alot cheaper... NOT!  or oh, I didn't think about that, I guess that is better than having to carry your own child or having a child you both created that shares your DNA... who needs that... sooo overated....) keeping your legs up?  doing a handstand?  being on top?  being on bottom?  letting him stay in there as long as he can?  (yes, yes, yes, yes, and oooh why didn't I think of that?  YES!  I guess they missed the part where I said that I have a medical condition.  Oh well.)

Anyways, off my soapbox.  Just went off a little tangent there.  My rant is over. 
So where was I?.... Oh yeah, so being in social situations can be a little awkward. This weekend I found out that 2 other friends are pregnant.  All news via Facebook. And just when I thought I could handle hearing these announcements, I find myself crumbling. Third announcement this month and we're not even at then end of March!  I guess we weren't the only ones who got busy on Valentine's Day. It was too much and I made the decision to deactivate my account.  I've heard of other gals TTC who did this for the very same reason, and now I completely understand.  Kudos for doing it sooner :)

So that's that for now.  We'll see what this next month brings.  Maybe without FB now, I can dedicate more time to working on course development for my summer class.  I've been procrastinating.  And hopefully burying myself in work can take my mind off TTC for a bit.  I think I'm going to take a break from temping this month too.  I need to hide my thermometer.

Work Update and FX for Tomorrow

I know I said I wouldn't update until Friday, but alas, here I am.  I had a late lunch with a good friend of mine who is preggers and was updating her on all that's been going on these past few weeks.  Thinking about it, made me kind of want to post my thoughts about today and my anticipation of tomorrow's appt.  I got a phone call a couple of hours ago confirming my appt tomorrow.  I really hadn't thought about it all day (until I happened to mention it to my friend earlier) and that is mainly due to the fact that I started my first day at my new job today. 

I kind of started off on the wrong foot considering I was 20 minutes late for work... my first day... geeze what an impression that makes.   And I know there's really no good excuse when you're trying to make a good impression, but I honestly underestimated traffic.  Then there was this huge traffic jam on one of the main roads leading out of my subdivision.  And I was so pissed sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, moving 5 feet every 5 minutes.  After nearly 20 minutes sitting there hardly moving, I decided to veer off the main road and drive further out of the area just so I could hop on the tollway hoping the traffic was a little lighter.  Well, the 10 minute drive to get to the damn tollway didn't help and just set me further back from the city, which in turn made me drive farther.... ughhh!  Then there was traffic on the tollway to top it off.  I tell ya, when it rain, it pours.  Needless to say, as soon as I got a chance (waiting at a red light), I texted my boss and told him I was gonna be late and apologized in advanced.  I was not a happy camper :(  Luckily, the patient ended up cancelling their appt so I didn't have them waiting on me when I arrived at the office.  But still... great 1st impression I made on the boss.  Other than that little mess this morning, the rest of the day at the office pretty much ran smoothly.  We had a little hiccup with our medical equipment, but were able to work through it.  I need to mention this is a brand new medical office that just opened up a month ago, so they are still trying to work out the kinks.  Anyways, I'm still trying to pick up some extra work and so I had a meeting scheduled with one of my previous employer's after finishing today's clinic.  I knew she would welcome me back, but she made it pretty clear that she did not enjoy my little hiatuses of going back and forth working for her (I have quit there twice before due to a better job opportunities).  Third time's a charm, eh?  I wish I could make her see that.  LOL... But either way I'm done with that other type of work.  Though they pay really well and have good benefits, it is quite unstable, and I cannot afford to take another work risk.  I need a steadier job and something that will work for me long-term especially when LO comes.  I had to make her understand that and basically asked for my old job back (a little short of groveling, I might add).  We ended up agreeing on a one-year contract to put her mind to ease so that she knows I'm serious.  I don't like contracts but what can I do?  I need my job back.  So with that, I now have 3 jobs = 3 days a week.  I start next week.

On to other thoughts... my 2nd follicle search is scheduled for tomorrow and I'm getting nervous.  I just took an OPK and it was negative.  I have a bit of watery CM but I'm not trying to read much into it.  BBTs are still a little wonky and I haven't seen a definate O yet.  I've been massaging and touching my left side hoping to bring positive energy to Lefty, though I don't know how much it will help.  This may be our last chance for a medicated cycle this season due to our financial situation and it makes me a little sad.  Of course we are not giving up TTC.  We are just going back to doing it the "old-fashioned" way, so that means I will definately need to start on my WL.  Perhaps in the summer, we can reasess our situation, see where we are at in terms of finances, school, work, weight loss and then maybe pay a visit to the doctor again.  I'm seriously considering transferring to an RE (I know some may think I should've done this long, long ago but I had faith in my OB/GYN).  I don't know if that would cost more considering I may be doing more monitoring.  I am still hanging on to the script that Trudy wrote for me yesterday.  In case this cycle was unsuccessful, she wrote me one for 100mg Clomid.  I don't know if I will fill it, but will keep it tucked safely anyway.  I feel sad ending today's entry on this note, but it is what it is.  I'm just keeping my FX that cycle #2 is our cycle.  Pretty please, with a cherry on top?  ;)

Update Cycle #2

Today is CD13 and I just had a date with the vag cam.  DH was with me today, but the procedure was still uncomfortable.  Hubby is coming down with a cold of some sort, but I hope this doesn't inhibit our TI.  So I got the scan, then we had to wait nearly 45 min for my appt with Trudy.  She finally came to get us and tell us the news.  Basically, I don't have any mature follicles as of yet, but one has the potential to grow in the next couple of days.  On my right ovary, I only have one little bitty tiny follicle that measured 5mm.  Too small to do anything for this cycle.  On the left ovary, however, I have one that measured 14mm and that's the one she says can possibly grow bigger in the next few days.  So she wants me to schedule another u/s for Friday, which is in 2 days, to see if it has grown any bigger.  That will determine whether we trigger or wait until the next cycle.  I'm keeping my fingers and toes tightly crossed that it's the first.  This is the closest I've come so far.  We still discussed what our next step will be should I not get my BFP this cycle :(  I don't really want to think about it though.  Essentially, she will increase the Clomid to 100mg for five days and run the follicle search again.  I don't want to even think about moving forward with a 3rd cycle, because 1: that's already halfway to being done with using Clomid (it really only works within the first 6 cycles), 2: that's more money coming out of our pockets (we decided not to go with COBRA and so we're paying cash for everything), 3: that's waiting one more month (given I get AF on time) again.  So that is that.  I scheduled my scan for Friday afternoon, but this time I'm going to follow-up with the doc instead.  Hubby and I were talking about the appt afterwards and he's really hopeful this cycle.  I guess I'm just trying to be a realist and maybe I've been on the boards too long, but 14mm doesn't seem like that big a deal to me.  But I'm trying to stay optimistic.  DH says he's going to refer to it as "Lefty" in hopes of bringing some positive vibes to the situation.  If anything, he made me smile.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm excited about that.  Weather has been kinda crappy and I hate driving when it's ugly outside.  This new job is on the other side of town and I'm not looking forward to the drive.  That just means I'll have to leave extra early tomorrow morning.  Also, one of my old employers called me today.  She's having issues with the tech she has now and more than likely gonna let him go.  Guess who's coming to the rescue?  We haven't discussed employment details yet, but I'm pretty sure whatever happens, it'll be in my favor. This doctor and I have a very close comraderie and I'm sure she'll be happy to have me back on her staff.  So that's three PT jobs total and I'm working on getting 2 more, so hopefully that will keep us pretty comfortable, financially, in the meantime.  It's still not FT, but it's close and that's fine with me.  That's all for now.  I'll update on Friday.

CD 11... Two Days til Monitoring

So today is CD 11 and I have yet to see a positive OPK.  I forgot to do one yesterday, but either way, it was negative today.  I did notice that my CM is getting better.  I really haven't been checking it like I should.  I keep forgetting.  I checked it today because I've been noticing that I have evidence on my underwear, if you know what I mean.  It was bordering between creamy (last night it was creamy) and watery.  I put watery on FF and it automatically said that I ovulated today, even though I put a negative OPK.  So maybe I should go back and change it to creamy.  I dunno.  I'll just leave it for now.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I have two more days until my monitoring appt, and I'm getting nervous and excited at the same time.  Nervous for the bad news, excited for the good.  DH will be going with me this time, so hopefully he'll be bringing some of his lucky mojo with him.  Also today, we begin TI.  I still haven't been feeling too good since the job loss, but I hope things will change in the boudouir (sp?)

In other news, I got the job!  It's only PT, but something is better than nothing.  I start on Thursday, which is in three days.  I told hubby, and he's happy.  I also wrote an email to one of the companies that manufacture the medical equipment in my field of health care.  They conduct learning workshops, and I basically wrote and asked them if I could be of any assistance to them during their workshops.  Hoping this can jumpstart my educational/teaching opportunity.  I sent them my CV and some studies I've done.  I'm hoping I hear a positive response.  I threw in some names of people I've met that I know are associated with them, so maybe that'll give me the boost that I need.

Other than that, no further updates.  Haven't resumed my exercise regime like I planned.  Perhaps tomorrow.

Blessings in Disguise

So today was my meeting with a potential employer.  We met over lunch.  The meeting went really well and he was impressed with my work history and experience.  The meeting lasted longer than we both expected, but in a good way :)  He basically hired me on the spot, but needed to run things through with his accountant, doctor, and office manager.  Company is pretty new to the area and staff is kinda small.  He said work would only be part-time with FT potential in the future.  I told him that was perfect, since right now I'm only looking for PT.  We discussed networking together since we have a couple of the same connections.  I walked out of our meeting feeling really good.

Since I was in the area, I decided to stop by one of the doc's office I worked at with my other company.  They have half-days on Friday, so I caught them just in time as they were locking up.  Doc wasn't aware the extent of the company issues, and I explained that alot of us were laid off.  He and I had developed a good comraderie, so I was pretty open about it with him.  I told him I'd keep in touch since I'm pretty sure he will still need some of the services I provide.  Plus he is one of my personal medical providers so I'm sure, I'm gonna want to stay in contact.  He and his staff were sad to see me go, but hopefully we can work something out.  I gave them all hugs.

On my way to pick up a couple of movies for this weekend, I got a call from the office manager/co-executive of the potential employer from today.  She was really nice and we hit it off immediately.  She works in a different city, but works from her home doing insurance billing, scheduling appointments, and basically running the office with what she can.  Turns out that she used to work for my old company as well and left them just a little over a month ago after deciding not to return from maternity leave.  Now she's a SAHM and tries to work from her home as much as possible.  We both knew about each other, but never met.  Funny how things work out.  So our phone conversation lasted over an hour and we spoke about a multitude of things.  Like I said, we really took to each other.  She too was impressed with my knowledge and expertise.  She said I'd make an excellent addition to the company.  I also discovered that she is on the comittee that runs the board exams and education for my field of work.  I haven't been very active with that society since they collect annual dues and plus I didn't have alot of time to dedicate to it.  However, I thought that with her connection, it would be an excellent opportunity for me to jump into the educational aspect of what I do.  Already, I will be meeting with the program director at one of the colleges that offers degree programs in my field.  So with this new connection, I am thinking of doing some teaching work on the side (and also try to put in to work as a board examiner) as well as get clinical experience with the new job.  I think it would offer the perfect balance.  It still doesn't help the issue of getting FT benefits like medical insurance.  We still have a few months to figure it out and hopefully we can work out something to get on DH's company's insurance.  We'll see.  I'm not worried about it at the moment.  So I'm super excited to start this new venture and I'm on cloud 9 right about now.

Finally, I called my doc's office to inquire about the self pay services since I still plan on going next Wed for my monitoring.  I don't know why I thought that it would be hugely expensive, and I was waiting for the blow.  As it turns out, they provide a 20% discount for office visits for cash paying patients!  So that's really good.  Plus I would get $100 off the u/s cost.  She quoted me $120 for the office visit and $100 for the u/s, so I'd be out of pocket $220 for that day.  Not bad, I can deal with that.  So again I'm super excited and optimistic.  Please don't let me down follies.  That's all I need, another let down to add to my crappy holiday news.  Keeping FX!  Will update soon.

Look what came in the mail the other day.  50 pk OPK and 3pk digital HPTs.  Yay for TTC!  :p lol

CD 7 and Pic Share

Well today is CD7 and I just took my last dose of Clomid for this cycle.  Now we wait and see what follies will brew.  The Crazies have simmered down some and I feel a little more myself.  Still no job, but it's only been a week.  I have a meeting with a potential employer tomorrow, so I will update on that later.  I feel pretty decent, considering I've been laid off.  I mean, I still have my 5 hours a week Saturday job and hopefully soon, the unemployment benefits will kick in.  I'm remaining pretty optimistic that I will find something soon.  Also called one of the community colleges that offers programs in my field and the director sounded interested in what I had to offer.  So I should be meeting with her in a couple of weeks as well.  DH and I discussed me perhaps working part-time.  I think this would be better for us to adapt after LO comes.  I don't know where that will leave us financially, but I don't want to stress too much about it.  I think we can manage a couple of years until hubby finishes school.  Also I think I've decided not to go with the COBRA insurance after all.  It's really expensive and the lower premiums have high deductibles, that I might as well just pay cash instead.  Plus we may only be needing it for a month or two.  I don't know what my prescriptions will cost, but again not too worried about it.  But I'm going to try and use a drug savings card.  I didn't work out today.  I'm kinda just taking it easy and relaxing this week.  I promised myself I'd start next week if not this weekend.  Other than that just waiting on CD13 when I will get the u/s.  I will be calling my doc's office tomorrow and getting quotes for self pay.  No real update. Same old, same old.

Until next time, I want to leave you with this pic one of the gals on TB found.  I needed a little laugh.

New Year Off to Bad Start :(





On Friday evening (two days ago)  I got news that I was laid off effective immediately.  My company shut down due to recent changes in Medicare/Medicaid legislative cuts.  After finding out via a mandatory company teleconference, I was a hormonal mess.  JC was at work and I got to only speak to him briefly.  I was alone to deal with the impact.  Immediately, I texted a few of my close girlfriends to tell them what was up and that I may be MIA for a while.  Last year I was laid off from the same company due to other reasons, and the changes put me into a slight depression.  So I was expecting the same this time around as well.

 

I know it may be a little early to worry but with all that was going on in TTC life, I was pretty upset.  I didn't know where this would put us.  Our insurance was covered under me and with the job loss, I now won't have any medical insurance.  The COBRA premium is to costly for us to afford and hubby's insurance is also very expensive.  What has made this news even worse, was I just had started my cycle the previous evening.  I was so happy, and so excited (as you read in my previous blog) to start the new cycle.  The morning of the layoff, before receiving the news, I  had scheduled all my appointments for monitoring and picked up my new prescriptions for this second medicated cycle.  That excitement was short lived, as you could have expected, when I received Friday's sad news.

 

I'm still kind of in shock from the news and decided I really couldn't do anything until the new year started (which is in a few days).  With the upcoming holiday, and with everything being closed, I decided that Wednesday, Jan 2nd is when I would start putting in calls to previous employers and filing for unemployment.  Hubby and I discussed if we should move forward or not with this TTC cycle, and we both decided that yes, we would since I already had paid for the meds.  If it happens and I get a BFP, we would deal with it when the time came.  In the meantime, hubby will continue working and still plan on resuming his classes this coming semester.  I have already applied to several jobs online.  I am trying to remain optimistic that things will turn out okay.  I am still worried about our financial situation since bills will continue to come in.  I will try and stay focused on losing weight, especially now that I am no longer employed.  I can dedicate this free time to staying dedicated to my weight loss.

 

That is all for now.  I will leave you with a pic of all the meds I'm on since TTC.  I am still amazed that I take this many pills just so that I can try to get pregnant.  From not taking anything, having no medical illness up until this year when diagnosed with PCOS...  to now taking  7 meds.  These include cabergoline, levothyroxine, metformin, progesterone, clomid, prenatal vitamins, and HCG.  I used to also take prednisone when first diagnosed.  But they took me off that when they saw that wasn't helping any.  You can also see my weekly pill organizer and see what I'm taking daily.  This also varies week to week, depending on where I'm at in my cycle.

 

 

So here's to a new year and a new beginning....

 

CD 10 and Other Stuff

So yesterday I officially started doing OPKs.  So far all negatives.  I'm doing one mid morning and one in the evening.  I just did my 1st one for today and it's a negative.  Today also starts the commencement of our BDing for this cycle.  I wanted to get a headstart and BD last night but I changed my mind and I will tell you why in a bit.

Also, yesterday I picked up my prescription for the HCG injection.  It's funny how as a TTCer, you find emotions in the littlest of things.  For instance, as I was waiting for the prescription which only took about 5 minutes to get after I dropped it off, I was soooo nervous.  Like this was a big step in a positive direction and we are that much closer to being parents.  I texted hubby to let him know about my nervousness (figuring he would understand where it was coming from), and he basically said to calm down.  LOL.  I knew he only meant it in a loving/supportive way, but I guess until you're in my shoes, one wouldn't really know the effect of picking up that prescription made on me.  Of course I made a video to document it when I got back to work.  So since it doesn't have to be stored in any particular way, it's just waiting for me at home until the 17th, when we will use it.

So back to yesterday.  Yesterday was our company holiday dinner and we met up at this great Latin fusion restaurant called Americas in the River Oaks area.  I work for a mobile company based out of California so there's really not many of us that work here in Houston.  I'm the only tech here in this area at this time and there's a doctor that does EMGs that they just hired last month here in Houston.  Also there are two sales reps that work in this area too.  So aside from us, the only people that came to the dinner were some of the executives and our region service specialist.  Also a tech from the Louisiana area flew in for the dinner since they were not going to be doing a dinner in that area this year.  So a total of nine of us were at the dinner.  It was a really nice restaurant and the dinner was really good.  I had some chorizo empanadas for an appetizer, the salmon for the main course, and some dulce de leche cookies for dessert.  Everything was really good.  During dinner we all were seated at a long table and I sat on the end.  Even though I had about three glasses of wine, my social anxiety was still there.  If I don't really know anyone, it's hard for me to carry on a conversation.  It's been like that ever since I could remember.  People might assume it's just shyness, but it's so much more than that.  It's social anxiety and though it's not very severe, it make social situations very uncomfortable and sometimes torturous.  So there I was sitting there, trying to make conversation, but mostly listening.  I could feel every minute ticking by.  I enjoyed the food and was so happy when things were wrapping up.  Near the end I was texting JC, because I just got fed up with trying to mingle.  We finally left like three hours later and as I was walking to my car, I was talking on the phone with JC summing up what happened at dinner.  I was telling him that I also wanted to get a head start on the BDing and that when I got home, that's what I planned to do.  He was all for it.  LOL.  I was a bit tipsy, but mostly relieved that I was out of the dinner situation.  My drive home was about twenty minutes, and I took my time getting home.  I had hung up with hubby about 5 minutes into my drive and now was just jamming to some CDs in my car.  A couple of minutes later, I just started crying.  It seemed like out of the blue.  And then it dawned on me that I was still depressed about the whole IF issue.  Yes, it's calmed down alot, but the frustration and emotions are still there.  During dinner, our conversation had turned to kids and school and extracurricular activities.  Also earlier that day we had conversation about kids as well.  And at dinner, I was chit chatting with the doctor about natural birth, natural parenting, puree-ing baby food, etc.  Then some of my co-workers were showing pics of their children on their phone.  And earlier that day another co-worker was saying how she's glad her kids are grown and how women need to make time for themselves.  She's around 41 and she's a grandmother.  I think just the accumulation of all the conversations came down on me and I just broke down and cried.  I cried all the way home.  Needless to say, when I got home, I was in no mood to BD.  I barely spoke a word to hubby, changed into my pjs  and went to bed.  So no starting the BDing that night.  To make matters worse, I woke up a few hours later with severe cramping in my bowels and bad diarrhea.  Plus I felt nauseous.  I ran to the bathroom where I spent a little time.  Great, just how I needed to end my day... probably food poisoning.  Today my stomach still feels a little weird, but I'm determined to BD today.

Updates

So it's been a while since I last posted and some things have changed since then.  I fell off the wagon a couple of months ago.  And gained back nearly every pound I had lost.  I also got a new job.  I got re-hired with the company that laid me off last year and started at the beginning of May.  Since then, my health insurance has been reinstated so now I have medical coverage.  First thing on the list?.... Go for a full workup with a OB/Gyn.  I found a group in Houston when I was researching infertility.  It's called Women's Health Care Center of Houston and they have several locations around the Houston area.  I made an appointment with one of the nurse practitioners there, Mary Helen and first saw her about 3 weeks ago.  I was going there with the impression that I had developed PCOS and thereby making us infertile.  At my last Well-Woman exam, the midwife there suggested that I look into getting a workup done to get that checked out.  Since then, I've done some research on what it is, how it's managed, and how I can overcome infertility.  I was almost positive that this is what I had since I had all the signs and symptoms of it.  My intent in going to the clinic earlier this month was to get that diagnosed and treated.  During my consult, Mary Helen discussed with me the importance of losing weight in order to get all these problems under control; a lecture, I've heard many a times and knew inside and out.  I told her about my lack of success of losing weight and the yo-yo dieting I've gone through throughout the years; again, being fully aware that this is something she's heard time and time again.  Still got the lecture and details of what my diet and excercise should consist of... blah, blah, blah.  I know this all too well... after all, I have had success losing weight, it's just that keeping it off and lack of motivation are what the problems are.  Either way, she sent me off with a long list of blood work to be done and an appointment with the ultrasound tech to have my ovaries and uterus looked at.  I had my blood drawn a few days later and a week after that (yesterday), I had my ultrasound which was a bit uncomfortable.  I guess it's what to expect when you have a long probe sticking into your girly bits and moving around down there, all the while having to push down on your ovaries, can give anyone discomfort.

Anyhow, today was my follow-up with Mary Helen and JC was there to join me this time.  Turns out that I DO NOT have PCOS, but I still have issues with my hormone levels.  She had diagnosed me with 1)Hypothyroidism 2)Borderline Diabetic 3) Hyperprolactinemia 4)Excessive testosterone production and 5)Mild fatty liver.  What does this all mean?  Basically, since my hormones are all out of whack, I am unable to ovulate, therefore I don't have regular menstrual cycles.  This mostly is due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones to stimulate my pituitary gland into regulating everything else.  Therefore my body produces more prolactin and testosterone (also hormones).  And all these contribute to the signs and symptoms I had originally thought were caused by PCOS (obesity, facial hair, acne, irritability, amenorrhea/oligomemorrhea, food cravings, dark skin patches, low energy, and infertility).  I asked her if these were all caused from me being obese and she said it could be possibly both obesity and genetics.  Either way, losing weight is still gonna have to be my main goal, since weigh loss can decrease all these problems.  Understood.  So she is putting me on 3 medications to control these hormones and according to her in about 2-4 weeks my hormones should level out to produce regular menstrual cycles.  Then in about 3 months (hopefully!), AND THIS IS THE BEST NEWS... I may be able to get pregnant!!!  JC and I are soooooooo excited!  That's the best thing I've heard in a long, long, time.  It gives me renewed hope!  I can't wait!  She said once AF comes, I should have my labs re-drawn to see what my levels look like, so she gave me the lab slip for when that time comes around.  Also, she gave us a referral to a fertility clinic to have hubby's sperm analyzed so that we can have all our bases covered.  I'm not really worried about that, since I'm pretty sure that it's all me... but you never know.  Hubby is game for anything and being really supportive during this time.

Speaking of which, we've both been eating better and managing our food intake.  I'm still using Spark People and have even started using their menu plans (although there's been some hits and misses).  Also, I joined Curves gym on a free 30-day trial run.  My thoughts so far is that this is not gonna be for me.  Though I enjoy the small gym and circuit rotations, the setting is a bit to intimate for me.  There's only a few women who are there at a time and with the exercise coach there in full view, she gives you a lot of focus and attention; something that makes me a bit uncomfortable.  I also went to me very first Zumba class last nigh, and I LOVED it!  I may have a bit of social anxiety, but I like the idea of disappearing in the crowd.  With everyone around you dancing and sweating and no one there you know, I don't feel like I'm being judged and I can just blend into to background of people.  I worked up quite a sweat and it felt good!  Best of all, it's free!  I think this will be my weapon of choice... Zumba here I come!  Also, I'm thinking of bringing my nieces along for the experience.  I think it's something they would enjoy too... and also trying to still get my sis to tag along.

So that's all for now.  Last week's weigh in I was down 6 pounds!  So keep it up Mely!!!