So yesterday I officially started doing OPKs. So far all negatives. I'm doing one mid morning and one in the evening. I just did my 1st one for today and it's a negative. Today also starts the commencement of our BDing for this cycle. I wanted to get a headstart and BD last night but I changed my mind and I will tell you why in a bit.
Also, yesterday I picked up my prescription for the HCG injection. It's funny how as a TTCer, you find emotions in the littlest of things. For instance, as I was waiting for the prescription which only took about 5 minutes to get after I dropped it off, I was soooo nervous. Like this was a big step in a positive direction and we are that much closer to being parents. I texted hubby to let him know about my nervousness (figuring he would understand where it was coming from), and he basically said to calm down. LOL. I knew he only meant it in a loving/supportive way, but I guess until you're in my shoes, one wouldn't really know the effect of picking up that prescription made on me. Of course I made a video to document it when I got back to work. So since it doesn't have to be stored in any particular way, it's just waiting for me at home until the 17th, when we will use it.
So back to yesterday. Yesterday was our company holiday dinner and we met up at this great Latin fusion restaurant called Americas in the River Oaks area. I work for a mobile company based out of California so there's really not many of us that work here in Houston. I'm the only tech here in this area at this time and there's a doctor that does EMGs that they just hired last month here in Houston. Also there are two sales reps that work in this area too. So aside from us, the only people that came to the dinner were some of the executives and our region service specialist. Also a tech from the Louisiana area flew in for the dinner since they were not going to be doing a dinner in that area this year. So a total of nine of us were at the dinner. It was a really nice restaurant and the dinner was really good. I had some chorizo empanadas for an appetizer, the salmon for the main course, and some dulce de leche cookies for dessert. Everything was really good. During dinner we all were seated at a long table and I sat on the end. Even though I had about three glasses of wine, my social anxiety was still there. If I don't really know anyone, it's hard for me to carry on a conversation. It's been like that ever since I could remember. People might assume it's just shyness, but it's so much more than that. It's social anxiety and though it's not very severe, it make social situations very uncomfortable and sometimes torturous. So there I was sitting there, trying to make conversation, but mostly listening. I could feel every minute ticking by. I enjoyed the food and was so happy when things were wrapping up. Near the end I was texting JC, because I just got fed up with trying to mingle. We finally left like three hours later and as I was walking to my car, I was talking on the phone with JC summing up what happened at dinner. I was telling him that I also wanted to get a head start on the BDing and that when I got home, that's what I planned to do. He was all for it. LOL. I was a bit tipsy, but mostly relieved that I was out of the dinner situation. My drive home was about twenty minutes, and I took my time getting home. I had hung up with hubby about 5 minutes into my drive and now was just jamming to some CDs in my car. A couple of minutes later, I just started crying. It seemed like out of the blue. And then it dawned on me that I was still depressed about the whole IF issue. Yes, it's calmed down alot, but the frustration and emotions are still there. During dinner, our conversation had turned to kids and school and extracurricular activities. Also earlier that day we had conversation about kids as well. And at dinner, I was chit chatting with the doctor about natural birth, natural parenting, puree-ing baby food, etc. Then some of my co-workers were showing pics of their children on their phone. And earlier that day another co-worker was saying how she's glad her kids are grown and how women need to make time for themselves. She's around 41 and she's a grandmother. I think just the accumulation of all the conversations came down on me and I just broke down and cried. I cried all the way home. Needless to say, when I got home, I was in no mood to BD. I barely spoke a word to hubby, changed into my pjs and went to bed. So no starting the BDing that night. To make matters worse, I woke up a few hours later with severe cramping in my bowels and bad diarrhea. Plus I felt nauseous. I ran to the bathroom where I spent a little time. Great, just how I needed to end my day... probably food poisoning. Today my stomach still feels a little weird, but I'm determined to BD today.
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