Glad to Be Back! BEDA #1

Wow!  It's been a while since my last post.  Over two months.  This is gonna be a long update.  But that's a good thing since I'm thinking of doing BEDA this year.  BEDA stands for Blog Every Day in August.  I got the idea from fellow YouTubers who do VEDA, and since I stopped posting videos, I decided why not do BEDA instead?  I'm a day late, but I think tonight's blog entry will make up for yesterday as well.  So here goes...

We've had quite a change in pace over the past 2 months here at home.  Though there has been a couple of obstacles to get around, most of the change has been for the better.  We are now well acquainted with our foreign exchange students.  We've been in communication with them regularly over the last month and a half and it's so exciting learning more and more about them.  They are both happily anticipating their visit here with us and already we've made huge plans in traveling and showing them what we like.  The list that I mentioned in my past blog has gotten even longer in length.  There's over 100 things that I've listed that I can't wait to show them.  Granted we probably won't be able to do all of it, but I'm hoping we can do most of it.  The girls will be coming in a few weeks, and though we are not quite ready for them yet (still working on getting them registered for school... still need to do some major cleaning around the house), we are almost there.  I keep procrastinating and putting off the cleaning for the weekends, but those "cleaning weekends" never seem to hash out.  We've always got something else better to do... lol.  Anyways, that's about the only thing I'm worried about.  Keeping my fingers crossed that we can make some progress on the cleaning this weekend, even though we've already got plans for the evening.

So just to share a little more information about our girls.  G, as you recall, is from Thailand.  She's the one we've been in contact with the longest (and probably the most "like" us).  She's kind of shy and timid, but she's super cute.  She's this tiny little thing, probably not even 5 foot tall, and under 100 lbs.  So cute, you just want to put her in your pocket.  She's still working on getting better at English, and she's a bit nervous about being able to communicate well with us and her fellow peers.  She's still attending school in Thailand and actually just completed her midterm exams.  She's also really involved in her cultural exchange organization that she participates in outside of school.  Unlike the U.S., in Thailand, school is strictly for educational subject classes like math, reading, history, government, language studies, etc.  Any sports or clubs that students wish to participate in, they have to do on their own time away from school.  G likes being in her cultural exchange program.  Already, she has spent a summer in New Zealand as a member of the organization.  They also recently had their annual prom, in which they got to celebrate and spend one more evening with their friends of the organization, before packing up and jetting off to their respective countries for the foreign exchange program.  G tells me that she has 3 more friends coming to the U.S., though none set for Texas.  She is super excited about coming here to Texas, as she has seen lots of pictures of the landscape, seen it portrayed in movies, and read about all the wonderful things to do while here in our city.  One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going horseback riding.  She's been once before in New Zealand and she really enjoyed it.  She's also excited to meet new friends, though she admits she's a little shy and quiet at first.  She's kind of glad M will also be staying with us, as it gives her an opportunity to make a friend before school starts.  She's also looking forward to getting involved with school sports, primarily swimming and perhaps cheerleading.  She wants to take Spanish class so that she can learn the language.  It's something she's been interested in for a while.  She enjoys the same music as me (in regards to American pop music) and said she's eager to learn how to dance.  I told her I like dancing all kinds of music, so she's excited for me to teach her a few things.  I told her I would like to learn how to cook Thai food and she eagerly offered to teach me.  Though she doesn't cook very much at home in Thailand, she has picked up a few things from her mother.  She's very eager to learn and experience as much as she can here with us and every time we email each other, she gives me a countdown as to when she arrives.

M is our other student.  She is from Germany.  She's very different from G, though I think that will only give them more to talk about when they are together.  She's a little more versed in travel and new experiences.  She loves the study of language and is also pretty fluent in Spanish.  She tells me she also has plans to learn French and Madarin Chinese.  Wow, how motivated she is!  She is also very involved in tennis in her homeland.  She competes in regular tournaments and hoping she can continue the sport while staying here with us.  We found out the high school does have a tennis team so hopefully she will be able to participate in that.  She also has an interest in cheerleading.  She seems a little more social and outspoken, though we've only communicated via email.  She spent the summer in Spain and actually just got back home this week.  Plus her birthday was a couple of days ago, so it's one thing after another and she seems to stay pretty busy.  Though we haven't had as much communication with her as we have with G, she does respond pretty thoroughly in her emails.  Her English writing is very good.  She also seems to enjoy the same kind of music as I do (we have some of the same favorite music artists).  She tells me she is looking forward to learning about the American culture.  She wants to be involved in foreign languages when she grows up, so she is hoping to also master the English language while staying here.  She tells me she's not much of a cook, but does enjoy her German food so she's eager to try the local German restaurant that I mentioned earlier.  She's not into spicy food much so I don't know how she'll handle Mexican and Thai food.  We shall see.  I told her about our local German festival and Oktoberfest and she says she's super excited to check it out.   One of things she tells me she's most excited about is going shopping.  What teenage girl isn't?  She tells me that she's heard that name brands (especially her favorites, Hollister and Ambercrombie) are pretty affordable here in the states, while in Germany it's really expensive.  She doesn't seem to be nervous at all about coming here to the U.S.  I asked her if she has ever traveled here and she said a couple of times to Ohio, where she has some distant relatives.  As much as she has traveled and studied Spanish, maybe I can learn a thing or two from her.

So those are our 2 students.  M just turned 17 and G is 16 and a half.  I'm still not sure what grades they'll be in since we still need to get them registered.  But like I said earlier, we already have so much planned for them.  I wanted to do something big for either the winter holiday break or spring break and since hubby is pretty much guaranteed mandatory overtime during December, I figured we could hold off until the spring break holiday.  So what I've started working on is planning a trip to Disney World!  I asked the girls first whether their parents would allow them to travel to Florida and whether they'd be able to afford their expenses for the trip.  They both discussed it with their family and happily agreed upon the trip.  They are both very excited to get to experience Disney since they haven't ever visited any of the theme parks around the world.  But of course what kid wouldn't be excited?!  Hubby and I are excited ourselves as we've never experienced it either.  So that is the big thing we have planned in March.  Another thing that hubby and I are planning is a Welcome to America party for the girls.  Just something to introduce them to other kids and some of our family and close friends.  We are trying to keep it as small as possible, but hubby and I love to throw parties, especially one that has music and barbeque.  And finally, and this came up just recently, we decided to invite them to UFC #166 when it comes to our city in October.  We weren't sure if they'd want to go, especially having never seen it and the tickets being so expensive.  But running it by their parents, they were ready to jump in for the experience.  So happy to say, we bought 4 tickets for the upcoming fights and can't wait to share our love of the sport with them.

And now moving on to less interesting news... As far as a TTC update, there's really nothing to report on.  It's on the back burner and not a priority in our life right now (something I thought I'd never hear myself say).  I don't want to say I've given up on it, but I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm not going to be a mom unless we adopt or until I can get pregnant.  And the getting pregnant thing won't be happening anytime soon.  We've both basically have an understanding that unless we have some serious medical intervention (i.e. IVF) that it won't be happening naturally.  It's the reality of the situation and right now I'm ok with that.  I can't say that I won't ever try other means again, but my body is so screwed up right now, that mother nature has pretty much crossed me off her list.  Yeah it sucks, but hey... shit happens.  And when I say screwed up I mean not only that I haven't had my period in almost 5 months (today is CD 141), but I've put on a few more pounds, and I haven't seen a doctor since we last tried with HCG in January.  And no, I'm not pregnant.  I take a HPT every first of the month to make sure I don't wind up on that show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant".  Yesterday's test, just as expected came out with a BFN.  No surprise there... and it didn't even phase me.

As for the weight thing, yes I know, I know.  I can't believe I gained weight either.  I was a little depressed as the whole TTC came to a startling halt.  That probably contributed to it.  But mainly I blame it on letting go.  Since letting go of the whole TTC journey, I kinda was like "F- it!"  Before I was trying to lose the weight for babymaking, but since that's not gonna happen I decided to enjoy life.  Now that I have steady work and the paychecks are coming in regularly, hubby and I have been taking advantage and enjoying going to eat out.  We've both actually started to gain weight.  And then because I started working so much, I was skipping the gym.  And then I get home and I'm super tired and just want to lounge around the house.  It's a never ending cycle and I do want to get back on track especially with the girls coming.  I hate to validate the stereotype of fat and lazy Americans.  (I did some research on culture shock and one of the common first impressions from foreign exchange students are that Americans are fat and lazy.... boooooo)  Plus my girls seem really energetic and active and I want to be able to keep up with them.  I hope they will be able to motivate me.  Maybe I can get them on a student/child membership at the gym.  We'll see.

Finally, I just wanted to mention that this is the year for baby showers.  I told my mom the other day that I'm at that stage in life where everyone my age is getting pregnant.  It's kind of weird, kind of eerie, but I'm so thankful that I've put my TTC days behind me, because this year would suck royally had I still been TTC and not pregnant by now.  I finally re-activated my FB account, primarily to keep in touch with the girls (imagine life without social networking, how would we ever be in touch?  I mean who writes letters nowadays?... lol... that's sarcasm) and now that I'm back online and in full force, there are friends and family members announcing pregnancies and births left and right!  I'm thankful I have a job to afford all these gifts I'm buying.  I swear like every month I find out someone new is pregnant.  Happy for them, of course, but reminds me more and more that I'm not the one announcing it.  Not saying that in a bad way, just that these were some of the people asking me 3 years ago "So when are you gonna have kids?"  I guess time flies when you're having fun.

Well that's about all I gotta say for today.  Tomorrow is another day and I gotta think about what I want to write about.  So see you then.

CD 6 and Another Busy Weekend

Yes, you read right.  It's CD 6 for me and that's kind of bittersweet.  It's been two months since I've been off of fertility meds and one month since I've been doing acupuncture and taking Vitex.  So that means AF come all on her own.  Like I said, bittersweet.  Either way, I'm still excited that things have seemed to regulate.  I'm hoping it will stay like this for a while.  I still have yet to ovulate and since being off the meds these two cycles I've had since then, I still have had no clear ovulation pattern.  BOOOO :(  Then, about a week and a half ago, I called to refill my thyroid meds, metformin and dostinex (all meds my doc put me on while TTC).  Turns out they couldn't refill two of them because I'm due for my yearly check up (well woman exam).  I still have no insurance since getting laid off in December so this was a bummer.  I had been paying cash for my meds since January and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  Now adding the expenses of a well woman exam and labwork and I just thought "Nevermind".  I'm hoping this new natural treatment will work.  The 3rd med, dostinex, that my doc prescribed for my elevated levels of prolactin costs $146 for 4 pills!  I was like, "No thanks, put it back on the shelf."  So now I'm completely out of ALL my meds and going AU NATURAL, so to speak.  LOL.  I still am taking the Vitex one to two times a day, my prenatal vitamins and DHA daily, and acupuncture 2-3 times a week.  So I'm trying to stay hopeful and optimistic.  I had a short cycle this time, so maybe that's something good.

March is a busy month for me and my family.  We have 5 birthdays, literally weeks from each other.  My niece bday is March 2, DH is March 9, my sister's is March 16, my mom's is March 23 and my MIL is March 24.  So this past weekend, we celebrated my sister's 31st birthday.  You know, it's funny how you try to find the positives in IF.  This month was one of those times I was actually glad I wasn't PG.  I know I may have been taking advantage of the situation a little, but who wouldn't if you were in my shoes.  I've been drinking every weekend and this past one was no exception.  I actually may have drank more than I should have, but I'm glad I didn't get wasted.  I told hubby that I was making up for lost time from last weekend since I had to be DD for his bday.  Then with the rodeo in town, friends visiting, catching UFC fights, I'm not surprised that I'm enjoying this barren womb.  LOL.  Sorry.. a bit of sick IF humor there for you.  Plus tomorrow I'm off, so I'll prob be drinking tonight and then DH and I are going to the Maroon 5 concert with my BFF and her hubby.  And BFF is preggers, so that just means I have to drink for the both of us... hahahaha.  Anyways, as you can see March has been pretty exciting social-wise for us.

But being social also comes with its downfalls.  I'm still having to explain to friends why we haven't had kids.  I'm actually to the point where I just throw it out there about our IF, even to acquantainces.  I'm tired of the excuses, of sugar coating our situation.  I just put it out there and though the conversation can get kind of awkward, at least maybe they can stop asking.  Is it wrong that I get a kick out of it...  making it awkward for them?  Our conversation will go something like this...
Them: "Hey long time no see.  How are you?"
Me: "Good.  You?"
"Same here.  You know, same old same old.  How is married life treating you?  How's JC?"
"We're both good.  Still working, he's in school now, so he's trying to balance the two.  And how's the hubby and the kids?"
"We're good, hubby is still working at the same company.  Kids are growing fast.  Speaking of, when are you gonna start your family?  Have you started thinking about babies yet?"
"Oh, why yes!  It's been about what.... two and half years we've been trying?  Yeah, it's been a little difficult.  Believe me we want kids, it's just that infertility sucks."

"Honey, just relax it will happen"  OR  "Oh sweetie, stop trying so hard, you're just stressing yourself out."  OR  "Well it's good that you have this time for yourself right now.  Kids/Babies are alot of work."  OR  "God knows when it's your time.  Don't worry about it.  He'll bless you when you're ready."

"Well actually I have a medical condition called PCOS and I'm not able to get pregnant without medical intervention.  We've been through some treatments already but no luck so far.  Like I said, difficult but we are definately hopeful."  (Some people I even delve a little more information on what it is.  That my ovaries don't work right, that I have hormonal issues, etc.)

"Okay.... um, well I'll keep you in my prayers."  Or suddenly they get a text or they hear their kid calling for them, or they need to be somewhere soon or any other reason.  Some will even ask if we've tried fertility meds? (Ummmm.... Hello?  I said we've been through some treatments.) IVF? (we don't have that kind of money right now.  do you?  snarky, i know... lol) adoption? (nothing against this but since i'm being snarky... oh, why didn't I think of that?  your right it is alot cheaper... NOT!  or oh, I didn't think about that, I guess that is better than having to carry your own child or having a child you both created that shares your DNA... who needs that... sooo overated....) keeping your legs up?  doing a handstand?  being on top?  being on bottom?  letting him stay in there as long as he can?  (yes, yes, yes, yes, and oooh why didn't I think of that?  YES!  I guess they missed the part where I said that I have a medical condition.  Oh well.)

Anyways, off my soapbox.  Just went off a little tangent there.  My rant is over. 
So where was I?.... Oh yeah, so being in social situations can be a little awkward. This weekend I found out that 2 other friends are pregnant.  All news via Facebook. And just when I thought I could handle hearing these announcements, I find myself crumbling. Third announcement this month and we're not even at then end of March!  I guess we weren't the only ones who got busy on Valentine's Day. It was too much and I made the decision to deactivate my account.  I've heard of other gals TTC who did this for the very same reason, and now I completely understand.  Kudos for doing it sooner :)

So that's that for now.  We'll see what this next month brings.  Maybe without FB now, I can dedicate more time to working on course development for my summer class.  I've been procrastinating.  And hopefully burying myself in work can take my mind off TTC for a bit.  I think I'm going to take a break from temping this month too.  I need to hide my thermometer.