A Much Needed Update

So as 2013 comes near the end, I can't say that we've had any life-changing events.  In fact it was pretty unremarkable... except for the whole foreign student exchange thing.

And what's up with that you ask?  Well it's a pretty long story, but to sum it up, both girls have been placed with new host families.  Due to a combination of different personalities, different lifestyles, and different interests everyone at home was a little unhappy and frustrated with each other.  Girls were with us only two and a half months, but we did learn a lot during that time.

1. We are never doing it again... lol. 
2.  Fostering is out of the question
3.  I learned I really enjoy cooking
4.  I miss the gym... really
5.  I miss my "ME" time
6.  I took sleeping sans clothing for granted
7.  I really have a threshold for pleasing people
8.  DH needs to change his hours if we are to ever have kids of our own
9.  I really love my furbabies
10.  .... and this was a big one... I don't think we are ready to be parents

Yes, I know... is anyone every "really" ready?  But this experience was such a huge disappointment that it made me question whether I really wanted to have kids.  Especially with the hours DH and I work.  If I wasn't at work, I was at home with the girls.  It was tiring tending to them... and they're 17!  DH had it easy.  He only saw them on the weekends.  He works M-F 3-11pm, so he left for work right before the girls got home from school and by the time he came home, we were all asleep.  I begged him to take them on the weekend.  I dreaded waking up on the weekend... what kind of life is that?  Obviously I wasn't happy with the situation either.  DH tells me our kids will be different, because we will raise them the way we want.  I see his point, but still I realized how much I enjoy my alone time.  I dunno, maybe I'm just tired with the whole TTCing issue and it comes out this way but either way, I told hubby I'm not ready for TTC anytime soon.

Which brings me to a new subject.  AF has finally arrived after CD253!  What the what?!  So what happened?  Well first off, I didn't really miss it one bit.  No worries on spotting, staining.... no having to buy pads and tampons for 8 months.  No PMS, no menstrual cramps.  Yeah, it was fun while it lasted but deep down inside I knew it wasn't right.  But with no health insurance and keeping my mind busy with other things (and other people) I just didn't deal with it.  Now that the girls are gone, I'm back on track with working out, and I've learned a new hobby in cooking (so now we don't eat out as much) I've decided to focus on me and my health.  Especially when this phase of not wanting kids passes, I'm gonna want to jump back on that TTC train.  So about 3 weeks ago I started back on Vitex and progesterone cream.  I figured my PCOS was probably out of control and I needed a much needed visit from AF eventually.  So I did a little research to refresh my memory on how to use Vitex and the cream as an aid in managing PCOS.  I'm taking Vitex 2x a day and using 40mg of progesterone twice a day as well.  Lo and behold 2 weeks later she makes a surprise visit.  Score one for Mely!  While off the vitex and progesterone during AF, I start to incorporate a daily cinnamon supplement as well.  I've done the research and confident that the cinnamon will help in managing these health issues.  I'm taking a 1000mg tablet twice a day.  It's proven to help control blood glucose and insulin resistance... the major dilemma in PCOS.  The vitex helps regulate menstrual cycles and the cream is used to help boost progesterone levels.  These are all natural ways to maintain and regulate the female reproductive system so I'm hoping that with proper diet and exercise, I will soon be on my way to being PCOS-free.  I guess in a way, I'm indirectly TTCing... lol.  I just want to feel better and funny enough, I think it's working not only has AF come (I'm CD 14), but I feel more feminine... I feel like wearing makeup everyday.

That's about it.  Not planning for much in 2014, just want to get healthier.  Until next time...

CD 6 and Another Busy Weekend

Yes, you read right.  It's CD 6 for me and that's kind of bittersweet.  It's been two months since I've been off of fertility meds and one month since I've been doing acupuncture and taking Vitex.  So that means AF come all on her own.  Like I said, bittersweet.  Either way, I'm still excited that things have seemed to regulate.  I'm hoping it will stay like this for a while.  I still have yet to ovulate and since being off the meds these two cycles I've had since then, I still have had no clear ovulation pattern.  BOOOO :(  Then, about a week and a half ago, I called to refill my thyroid meds, metformin and dostinex (all meds my doc put me on while TTC).  Turns out they couldn't refill two of them because I'm due for my yearly check up (well woman exam).  I still have no insurance since getting laid off in December so this was a bummer.  I had been paying cash for my meds since January and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  Now adding the expenses of a well woman exam and labwork and I just thought "Nevermind".  I'm hoping this new natural treatment will work.  The 3rd med, dostinex, that my doc prescribed for my elevated levels of prolactin costs $146 for 4 pills!  I was like, "No thanks, put it back on the shelf."  So now I'm completely out of ALL my meds and going AU NATURAL, so to speak.  LOL.  I still am taking the Vitex one to two times a day, my prenatal vitamins and DHA daily, and acupuncture 2-3 times a week.  So I'm trying to stay hopeful and optimistic.  I had a short cycle this time, so maybe that's something good.

March is a busy month for me and my family.  We have 5 birthdays, literally weeks from each other.  My niece bday is March 2, DH is March 9, my sister's is March 16, my mom's is March 23 and my MIL is March 24.  So this past weekend, we celebrated my sister's 31st birthday.  You know, it's funny how you try to find the positives in IF.  This month was one of those times I was actually glad I wasn't PG.  I know I may have been taking advantage of the situation a little, but who wouldn't if you were in my shoes.  I've been drinking every weekend and this past one was no exception.  I actually may have drank more than I should have, but I'm glad I didn't get wasted.  I told hubby that I was making up for lost time from last weekend since I had to be DD for his bday.  Then with the rodeo in town, friends visiting, catching UFC fights, I'm not surprised that I'm enjoying this barren womb.  LOL.  Sorry.. a bit of sick IF humor there for you.  Plus tomorrow I'm off, so I'll prob be drinking tonight and then DH and I are going to the Maroon 5 concert with my BFF and her hubby.  And BFF is preggers, so that just means I have to drink for the both of us... hahahaha.  Anyways, as you can see March has been pretty exciting social-wise for us.

But being social also comes with its downfalls.  I'm still having to explain to friends why we haven't had kids.  I'm actually to the point where I just throw it out there about our IF, even to acquantainces.  I'm tired of the excuses, of sugar coating our situation.  I just put it out there and though the conversation can get kind of awkward, at least maybe they can stop asking.  Is it wrong that I get a kick out of it...  making it awkward for them?  Our conversation will go something like this...
Them: "Hey long time no see.  How are you?"
Me: "Good.  You?"
"Same here.  You know, same old same old.  How is married life treating you?  How's JC?"
"We're both good.  Still working, he's in school now, so he's trying to balance the two.  And how's the hubby and the kids?"
"We're good, hubby is still working at the same company.  Kids are growing fast.  Speaking of, when are you gonna start your family?  Have you started thinking about babies yet?"
"Oh, why yes!  It's been about what.... two and half years we've been trying?  Yeah, it's been a little difficult.  Believe me we want kids, it's just that infertility sucks."

"Honey, just relax it will happen"  OR  "Oh sweetie, stop trying so hard, you're just stressing yourself out."  OR  "Well it's good that you have this time for yourself right now.  Kids/Babies are alot of work."  OR  "God knows when it's your time.  Don't worry about it.  He'll bless you when you're ready."

"Well actually I have a medical condition called PCOS and I'm not able to get pregnant without medical intervention.  We've been through some treatments already but no luck so far.  Like I said, difficult but we are definately hopeful."  (Some people I even delve a little more information on what it is.  That my ovaries don't work right, that I have hormonal issues, etc.)

"Okay.... um, well I'll keep you in my prayers."  Or suddenly they get a text or they hear their kid calling for them, or they need to be somewhere soon or any other reason.  Some will even ask if we've tried fertility meds? (Ummmm.... Hello?  I said we've been through some treatments.) IVF? (we don't have that kind of money right now.  do you?  snarky, i know... lol) adoption? (nothing against this but since i'm being snarky... oh, why didn't I think of that?  your right it is alot cheaper... NOT!  or oh, I didn't think about that, I guess that is better than having to carry your own child or having a child you both created that shares your DNA... who needs that... sooo overated....) keeping your legs up?  doing a handstand?  being on top?  being on bottom?  letting him stay in there as long as he can?  (yes, yes, yes, yes, and oooh why didn't I think of that?  YES!  I guess they missed the part where I said that I have a medical condition.  Oh well.)

Anyways, off my soapbox.  Just went off a little tangent there.  My rant is over. 
So where was I?.... Oh yeah, so being in social situations can be a little awkward. This weekend I found out that 2 other friends are pregnant.  All news via Facebook. And just when I thought I could handle hearing these announcements, I find myself crumbling. Third announcement this month and we're not even at then end of March!  I guess we weren't the only ones who got busy on Valentine's Day. It was too much and I made the decision to deactivate my account.  I've heard of other gals TTC who did this for the very same reason, and now I completely understand.  Kudos for doing it sooner :)

So that's that for now.  We'll see what this next month brings.  Maybe without FB now, I can dedicate more time to working on course development for my summer class.  I've been procrastinating.  And hopefully burying myself in work can take my mind off TTC for a bit.  I think I'm going to take a break from temping this month too.  I need to hide my thermometer.

On to Plan B

Well I have been offered an amazing opportunity to do begin accupuncture therapy.  Because I have a dear friend who is a medical practitioner and practices accupuncture, they have offered me treatment in fertility accupuncture.  I'm so excited and super thankful to be given the chance to dabble in the miracles of Eastern medicine.  To aid in my accupuncture sessions, I have also decided to begin taking natural herbal remedies.  I have done a bit of research on Vitex (Chaste Berry) and saw that it has been very beneficial to alot of women who deal with IF, hormonal and menstrual issues.  I'm excited to see where this path takes us during our journey.  As always, I am optimistic.  I understand this will not be a quick and easy "fix", and accept that it may take us several more months before success.  Either way I am staying positive in hopes that this will be our big break.

In the meantime, I have ordered a special handmade necklace from an Esty seller.  http://www.etsy.com/listing/93058776/on-sale-hand-stamped-infertility  I have made a few customizations to reflect our journey and hope it will help attract positive energy as we continue our journey.

FXd!