Trigger Day!

So today is CD 14 and I'm scheduled for my follicle search and HCG injection this afternoon.  I'm super excited and nervous at the same time.

As for what's gone on the rest of this past week, my previous post said that I was anticipating a more positive OPK result on my next strip.  Didn't happen :(  So far everything has tested negative.  So on my FF chart I put the CD10 OPK as positive and hoping that either I ovulated that day (or in the 12 hrs following) or that I have yet to ovulate and the HCG will trigger O.  So far CD10 has been the most "positive" OPK I've had yet.  According to some users on thebump.com, meds will affect your temps and this may be why my temps have been zig-zaggy and all over the place (of course this is no different than before I started taking meds).  I will definately ask the doctor/tech whether they can tell if I ovulated or not. I'm keeping my FX that my follies will be big enough to trigger today.

On another note, I've started painting the nursery.  I have finished painting the trimming white and perhaps this weekend will start on the rest of the wall.  I'm painting it a pale yellow.  I also purchased my first set of brand new cloth diapers.  I found a website called diapersafari.com and they provide free shipping so I decided to buy some sale items.  I will get them in about a week.

Another thing that happenend this weekend, I was around two PG ladies at the same time. So I'm hoping I hijacked some of the PG hormones.  LOL.  I did the old trick of rubbing their bellies hoping that maybe it's contagious too.  Hahaha.

Anyways, will update on my appt. later.

Omg! Am I O-ing?

could it be?! Like in my previous posts, I've been doing OPK's twice a day.  top strip was starting cd 8 in the evening. then following are 2 for cd 9 in the morning in the afternoon.  and then the last 2 are for today's in the morning and then I just took 1 about an hour ago. it is SO close to positive! I'm almost sure tomorrow's is gonna definitely be a positive.  I'm so excited!
on the other hand, the clomid has got me soo hormonal.  I'm beginning to scare myself, lol.  One minute I can be weeping, tearing up, and feeling depressed the next minute a raging lunatic being pissed at everything.  mostly I've just been irritated at the slightest little thing.  you would think with Clomid, it would make us these submissive, romantic, sexy wives that our hubbies can't wait to come home to.  instead it's making us to be these BITCHES that I'm not even sure DH will want to BD with,  lol.  But seriously.... is that a side effect of the Big O?  If it is Mother Nature's got a crappy way of doing it, hahaha.
anyways, I will update soon...

CD 10 and Other Stuff

So yesterday I officially started doing OPKs.  So far all negatives.  I'm doing one mid morning and one in the evening.  I just did my 1st one for today and it's a negative.  Today also starts the commencement of our BDing for this cycle.  I wanted to get a headstart and BD last night but I changed my mind and I will tell you why in a bit.

Also, yesterday I picked up my prescription for the HCG injection.  It's funny how as a TTCer, you find emotions in the littlest of things.  For instance, as I was waiting for the prescription which only took about 5 minutes to get after I dropped it off, I was soooo nervous.  Like this was a big step in a positive direction and we are that much closer to being parents.  I texted hubby to let him know about my nervousness (figuring he would understand where it was coming from), and he basically said to calm down.  LOL.  I knew he only meant it in a loving/supportive way, but I guess until you're in my shoes, one wouldn't really know the effect of picking up that prescription made on me.  Of course I made a video to document it when I got back to work.  So since it doesn't have to be stored in any particular way, it's just waiting for me at home until the 17th, when we will use it.

So back to yesterday.  Yesterday was our company holiday dinner and we met up at this great Latin fusion restaurant called Americas in the River Oaks area.  I work for a mobile company based out of California so there's really not many of us that work here in Houston.  I'm the only tech here in this area at this time and there's a doctor that does EMGs that they just hired last month here in Houston.  Also there are two sales reps that work in this area too.  So aside from us, the only people that came to the dinner were some of the executives and our region service specialist.  Also a tech from the Louisiana area flew in for the dinner since they were not going to be doing a dinner in that area this year.  So a total of nine of us were at the dinner.  It was a really nice restaurant and the dinner was really good.  I had some chorizo empanadas for an appetizer, the salmon for the main course, and some dulce de leche cookies for dessert.  Everything was really good.  During dinner we all were seated at a long table and I sat on the end.  Even though I had about three glasses of wine, my social anxiety was still there.  If I don't really know anyone, it's hard for me to carry on a conversation.  It's been like that ever since I could remember.  People might assume it's just shyness, but it's so much more than that.  It's social anxiety and though it's not very severe, it make social situations very uncomfortable and sometimes torturous.  So there I was sitting there, trying to make conversation, but mostly listening.  I could feel every minute ticking by.  I enjoyed the food and was so happy when things were wrapping up.  Near the end I was texting JC, because I just got fed up with trying to mingle.  We finally left like three hours later and as I was walking to my car, I was talking on the phone with JC summing up what happened at dinner.  I was telling him that I also wanted to get a head start on the BDing and that when I got home, that's what I planned to do.  He was all for it.  LOL.  I was a bit tipsy, but mostly relieved that I was out of the dinner situation.  My drive home was about twenty minutes, and I took my time getting home.  I had hung up with hubby about 5 minutes into my drive and now was just jamming to some CDs in my car.  A couple of minutes later, I just started crying.  It seemed like out of the blue.  And then it dawned on me that I was still depressed about the whole IF issue.  Yes, it's calmed down alot, but the frustration and emotions are still there.  During dinner, our conversation had turned to kids and school and extracurricular activities.  Also earlier that day we had conversation about kids as well.  And at dinner, I was chit chatting with the doctor about natural birth, natural parenting, puree-ing baby food, etc.  Then some of my co-workers were showing pics of their children on their phone.  And earlier that day another co-worker was saying how she's glad her kids are grown and how women need to make time for themselves.  She's around 41 and she's a grandmother.  I think just the accumulation of all the conversations came down on me and I just broke down and cried.  I cried all the way home.  Needless to say, when I got home, I was in no mood to BD.  I barely spoke a word to hubby, changed into my pjs  and went to bed.  So no starting the BDing that night.  To make matters worse, I woke up a few hours later with severe cramping in my bowels and bad diarrhea.  Plus I felt nauseous.  I ran to the bathroom where I spent a little time.  Great, just how I needed to end my day... probably food poisoning.  Today my stomach still feels a little weird, but I'm determined to BD today.

Update TTC #1, Clomid Cycle #1, CD8

So yesterday I had an appt with Trudy, the NP Fertility Specialist.  This is the 2nd time I see her.  Dr. Holt, who did my cervical dilation last week, wanted me to see her so that we could discuss taking more aggressive measures to get me KU.  Well I went to see her yesterday afternoon and she basically told me that this cycle, we could do the HCG injection instead of waiting for cycle #3.  Then she explained that if this cyle didn't work with the injection, we would bump it up to IUI next cycle.  In order for me to get the HCG, I have to have my follicles monitored to make sure that they will be large enough to move forward with the HCG.  I get that done on Dec 17th and if follies are good to go, I will get the injection.  From there, we are to time our BD 24, 32, and 38 hours later after the injection.  But because JC will be at work, we will have to modify that.  So basically we should BD the day after and twice two days after.  She also told me that should it fail this cycle, we could do the IUI next cycle.  I asked her if we had the option to do it this cycle and she said yes.  She did a run through of the costs and it would come out to $370 for the whole procedure, everything included.  She told me to discuss it with hubby that night and let her know when I come in on the 17th what our decision was.  If we opted for the IUI, it would be done the day after the HCG, so the 18th. Last night, when JC got home we discussed it and decided we would do natural insemination this cycle.  If no luck, then we would do IUI the next cycle.  I have faith that his swimmers will know what to do and that there won't be any problem on his end.  After all, his SA came back normal.  So until then, I can only hope that our first cycle is all we really need.  We will continue to BD every other day on even cycle days until the 17th, then resume the other protocol.  I'm hoping and trusting in my body that all I really needed was a "boost" to the hormones.  I hope this works.  I'm being very optimistic.

Cervical Dilation

So I went to my appt last week to have my cervix dilated.  I was kind of nervous, especially since I was there by myself.  JC was at school.  Procedure only took like five minutes and it wasn't painful at all, just uncomfortable and I had no problems or side effects afterwards.  The doctor came in to do the procedure and then spoke to me briefly afterwards.  He basically explained that the purpose of the procedure was to allow a bigger opening in my cervix for the sperm to get in and hopefully increase my chances of getting KU.  Then he also explained that my weight would still be an issue we would need to work on since it could still pose a problem while going through IF treatment.  He suggested I work on losing weight while TTC.  I told him that it's something I've been working on.  He also suggested I meet with Trudy again.  She's the fertility specialist I saw last time who diagnosed the PCOS.  He wants me to proceed with the IUI procedure should this cycle with the clomid not work.  I'm excited, but still kind of hoping it works for us on this first cyle.  I'm currently on my fourth day of clomid.  I'm supposed to meet with her tomorrow, Monday and it's kind of last minute.  My appt will be at 3pm which means I will have to come up with some reason to miss work without using any of my PTO hrs.  I hope the doc is cool with me leaving work early.  Just wanted to give a quick update.

Also, check out this video I made with the hubby the other day.

AF marks CD1

Well today is official CD1!  I couldn't be more excited!  Yes, I know it means that I'm not pregnant, however, it also means that I can finally start my fertility treatment.  My nurse told me to schedule a cervical dilation once my cycle starts and this morning I called for an appointment.  I made it for Friday which is in three days.  In the meantime, I've still been temping and taking my prenatal vitamins, metformin, and dostinex.  Thursday I will start Serophene (clomid) which will be CD3!  I'm super excited about that too!  I will take it consecutively for five days then starting on CD16 I will start the prometrium (progesterone supplement).  Also starting on day 10 we will BD, which I'm sure hubby will be happy about :)  I'm hoping for a little surprise at the end of this month or something really big to celebrate the new year!  I think Christmas will be a little too early to tell anything.

Also, I decorated our Christmas tree last night.  We still have the same blue and silver decorations.  I've decided to start adding a new Christmas tree ornament each year to commemorate something big that's happened that year.  We didn't add anything last year, so this year I'm buying two ornaments.  One for last year and one for this year.  For last year's ornament, I chose a white birdhouse ornament with two birds.  It says "New Home".  I bought it on ebay for $5.  It says 2010, but I will try and change it to 2011.  For this year's ornament, I chose a blue light-up Houston Texans ornament (also bought on ebay).  We really haven't done much this year, other than me getting re-hired and JC going to school, but I figured with the Texans cinching the lead in the playoffs this year with current stats at 11-1, I would support my team and buy an ornament in their honor.  When JC graduates school we can get an ornament to commemorate it which will be in 2014.  And hopefully on next year's Christmas tree, we will have an ornament saying "Baby's First Christmas"!  I'm sooooo excited!

I've also been doing a little splurging and induging in my guilty pleasures.  I've been making some pre-baby buys.  Most recently taking advantage of After Thanksgiving and Cyber Monday deals.  So far I've purchased a bassinet/playpen/changing station baby center, a walker, and a Boppy with slipcover.  Another thing I've been scouting are cloth diapers.  I've been looking at various reviews and tutorials on youtube and alot of users recommend purchasing a few different brands/styles to see which work best for you.  So far I'm leaning more towards prefolds/inserts and all in ones.  I have a few that I'm tempted to purchase already.  Hubby knows this and is trying to get me to go easy.  Damn my compulsive shopping.  LOL.  I may be jumping to soon in buying everything, but with this new burst of renewed positivity and optimism, I'm looking forward to starting on the nursery and baby buying.  I don't want to leave things to the last minute.  And speaking of the nursery,  I've already purchased wall paint in a pale yellow (straw) that I will be using on the walls.  I will paint the trim and shelving white.  It is gender neutral so it won't matter on the sex of the baby.  Also still undecided what theme to run with.  I love the jungle/monkey theme, but I think it may be to boyish, and therefore still contemplating the circus theme.  We shall see.... Also working on redecorating the rest of the house so that it has our personality infused in it.  It still has paint from the previous owner that I despise... ugh.... pink everywhere.  I've done some inspiration boards on pinterest as I brainstorm ideas.

Well that's about it.  I will update on testing and my cycle when things change.  Keeping fingers crossed!

2013, here we come!

so things have pretty much stayed the same. earlier this month we were still having trouble TTC so I put a call into my nurse asking why I still haven't had a period in 2 months.  she then changed my dosing a little bit but I still was not satisfied. I made an appointment with a different nurse for my well woman exam at the same clinic a couple of weeks ago. I explained the whole issue again. since I was only there for my well woman exam she really couldn't go into great detail on what I should do. however she did write me a lab slip to recheck my hormone levels on the medications I've been taking and referred me to see the fertility specialist there.  the next day I had my blood drawn for my hormone levels.  One week later I was scheduled to see the fertility specialist. the nurse called to give me my lab results, and told me they forgot to include my insulin levels. so before I went to the fertility specialist I had to have my blood drawn again to check my insulin.  I got it that same day I went in to go see her in the morning. That afternoon was my appointment and JC was supposed to meet me at the doctor's office. I got off of work a little earlier than expected so decided to head up to the appointment early.  as usual JC was running late and got there right at my appointment time, but by then I was already in the office with the nurse.  she was going over a few things with me regarding my cycle.  she seemed pretty rushed while she was talking to me and telling me that we needed to get my periods under control.  she went over my levels again from my previous lab work and said that everything looked good and to keep taking the medication I was taking. these included my thyroid medication, and my medication to decrease my prolactin level.  she told me to get off the steroids since it did not seem to be doing anything as far as lowering my testosterone level.  after going into detail about all that, I asked her when would I know if I ovulated.  she says that I can get on birth control to regulate my cycles.  I was like, "what?! I'm trying to get pregnant, why would I go on birth control?" that just changed EVERYTHING and she asked, "you're trying to get pregnant?" I told her yes and that's why I was coming in to see her because the nurse  I've been seeing since May has not been able to regulate my cycle; that's originally why I came into the clinic in the first place.  that's when JC walked in. we did brief introductions and she apologized for not realizing I was trying to get pregnant. Somehow the person who scheduled me put that i was just being seen for a lab follow-up, so we basically had to start all over in regards to analyzing my labs. she asked why I hadn't had my thyroid checked. I told her was it was supposed to be checked since they were just re-running all the labs I had in May. she said they must have forgotten to add it so I had to do it again that afternoon and have my blood drawn a second time that day. then we got into detail about fertility treatment.  she said I should probably be scheduled to have an ultrasound done of my uterus and ovaries. I told her I already had that done back in June.  I told her that the record should be in my file.  she looked it up in her computer and after a minute or two said, "I think you have PCOS."  as you can imagine, I was shocked! I told her how could that be when the nurse before told me that I was clear of that. she said the study was kind of hard to read, but based on her interpretation it look like polycystic ovaries.  because of my excessive body tissue it was kind of hard to read. so she said from here on out we will be considered PCOS related infertility.  she said that she wanted to get me started on metformin because I exhibit symptoms of insulin resistance.  that's what I was hoping for back in May when I originally came. I knew I was right! I know my body! the next few words out of her mouth were so relieving to me.  she basically said because of my age and how many years we been trying to conceive, we needed to try to get me pregnant pronto! she would start me on metformin to take as soon as possible and give me provera to jump start my period. then she gave me a prescription to take progesterone to help increase my endomitrial lining to sustain a pregnancy, should I become pregnant. She also said she would start me on Clomid! the heavens part and the angels sang!  Lol.  I've been reading lots of blogs, going to message board communities, and watching YouTube videos of women suffering from PCOS and infertility.  I know exactly what this meant. basically the clomid will start your ovulation, by helping your eggs mature.  that will help initiate pregnancy should all things go well. I won't be able to start this medication until cycle date 3, but until then, I'm going to finish my dosage of provera. she said we would two cycles of clomid, and if not pregnant by January, we would take more aggressive measure (meaning "trigger" injections of HCG).  As for now, I'm just waiting on AF to come. until then all I can do is wait. once AF comes, on the third day I can start the clomid from CD 3 to 7. once I finish that I wait until CD 16 to start my progesterone supplements. as stated before this will help maintain my endometrial lining for the pregnancy.  if after CD 32 / 34, and AF comes, I'll stop the progesterone and I'll allow her to ruin my month lol. because obviously that means I'm not pregnant. during those 2 days I should take HPT to confirm. if BFN, I will repeat for the next cycle in January. if AF  hasn't shown, I will again confirm with HPT on those days. if BFP ( crossing our fingers), I will continue to take the progesterone during the remainder of pregnancy.   if no BFP by then, we will start the HCG injections I'm kind of excited but dreading it at the same time. I'm hoping it won't get to that point because then we're talking about more money spent.  these trigger shots are also linked with risk of multiples. even though it sounds nice, medically I know the risks involved with those pregnancies. with the clomid, there's a small percentage of risk of multiples but very slight. either way, hubby is hoping for twins! I wouldn't mind, as long as I have a healthy pregnancy.  all this makes me very hopeful and I have a newfound energy.  I haven't stated before but last couple of months I've been in a pretty bad funk.  I was depressed, gaining weigh,t and crying almost everyday. I spoke with a friend of mine and she suggested therapy.  I'm thankful that my work provide this free service.  I went 3 times as my benefits allowed me, to talk to a therapist.  I'm not really feeling her but I enjoyed our conversations and getting to find out more about my husband since he goes as well. we have since used our 3 visits and now I'm paying through our insurance. we have gone to see her four times already and have made in a 5th appointment.  I have yet to cry though, I was expecting it.  after our second visit, that's when everything started looking up and so I really haven't had any problems with the depression anymore. I now have a better outlook on life and i'm on my way to losing weight. it's been a slow and steady journey and will continue to be. I know it will never be easy for me to lose the weight since now I have been recently diagnosed with PCOS. I'm happy to know there is reason for all my symptoms, and happy to know that I was right all along. not many know people know this, but PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. many cases go undiagnosed. and more women actually have it then you would think.  I have decided to be pretty open about all my medical issues with regards to TTC. I think it helps me cope better with the reality. it also opens other's eyes to what women are facing on a daily basis; it is a struggle.

my mom and I are very close and I think this has brought us closer. although she suffered a different condition during her to TCC years (endometriosis), she understands the struggles I go through every day.  my family, I thought would be the most supportive.  I really haven't explained things to my dad, and I don't think he really needs to know. I think it would just be TMI for him. maybe my mom discusses it with him; I really don't care. my sister, on the other hand, I opened up to her the other day. like I said, I expected my family to be the most supportive. I was extremely disappointed to find out that she has no clue what it's like to be in my shoes.  I was hurt the day I told her... she basically said I shouldn't go through all this trouble and should look into adoption.  she basically said that if my body is not responding to anything, then I shouldn't try.  because it was so easy for her to get pregnant she does not understand a clue. then to make matters worse, my brother in law walks in during our conversation and overhears.  his response to all this was, "are you sure you're ready?" even after I told him yes, no doubt. he said, "are you really ready? kids are lot of responsibility. kids require a lot of money. you have to stop going out. baby become your first priority. if they get sick you have to take them to the doctor, you have to miss work. you also just can't get up and go. You need a babysitter. you have to constantly watch them. no more leaving things to the last minute."

and on and on and on
you get it.

really?

I didn't know that.
you mean to tell me having kids is a big job for the rest of my life?
you mean I can't keep doing the same thing I've always been doing?
I can't go out?
I can't hang out my friends?
you mean that Louis Vuitton bag that I've been eyeing has to be put on hold?
you mean I can't just splurge my IRS refund?

you got to be kidding me!
I had no idea! you make it seem so easy!
I mean you had 4 kids and you wanted more? Now you have 5!
were you ready for your son? were you prepared? I mean REALLY prepared?
I mean, it's only been 2 years since we've been married, but I think a little bit more time would be appropriate don't you think? I mean we've only just begun right?
when is anyone ever really ready for a baby?
yeah 32 IS a little young to be thinking about kids right now. 

you're right

what was I ever thinking?...

...  and surprisingly enough JC walks into the room. "babe guess what?", I say. "Steph and Oscar are asking are we really ready for a baby?" "yes", he says. "well, I mean they're saying it's a lot of trouble. they're saying if it's taking us so much effort for us to have our own that maybe we should adopt."


..... to be cont'd....