I'm BAAAAAACK!!!

OMG!
OMG!
OMG!
Is this a dream?!!! Is this really happening?!!!  Almost four years and I thought I'd never see the day!
It is true... believe it... it's our time... we were meant to be .... parents.... finally.
(Cue happy tears)

 

 

So it really hasn't been a secret.  We've been TTC once again and started about 3 months ago.  I finally decided to book a consult with an RE.  We had a lot going on in our lives so what prompted me to start another round of TTC, I have NO EARTHLY idea.  We were going through some family drama.  I was working a lot... working long hours.  I had started losing weight the first few months of the year, but with all the added stress going on, I started slowly putting it back on.  So I don't know why I thought of all times, why this would be the right time.  I guess maybe I wanted to think about something other than what was going on at work and at home.  But either way, in the beginning of this year, I remember thinking 2014 was going to be different.

 

I had decided to change my lifestyle and my weight was a priority.  I have been obese nearly my entire life and had ups and down the past few years.  TTC was in the back of my mind, as it was most of these past four years, but I knew I had to change myself and my habits if we were to invest time and money into future rounds of treatment.

 

So back when we first started TTC, hubby had a SA at this place called Houston Fertility Institute.  A few months ago, I started doing research on it, saw some good reviews, and saw that they were in network with our insurance company.  I decided this would be a good place to start. 

 

April 2014:

DH and I met with Dr. Williams for our consultation.  I was really nervous because I knew going to a specialist was serious business.  I came prepared with all my past medical records and history (I even had my records sent there before I even had the appointment scheduled).  We were lead into the doctor's office where he did our consult.  He asked us our medical history and explained the different services we would get while being under his treatment.  I presented my history and records and we were set up with appointments here and there, quickly thereafter.  I hadn't had AF in three months and they sent me home with a script for Provera to bring her in.  I was told to call the day she came in for her visit. They also sent DH to have another SA done sometime in the next week.

 

Two weeks passed and AF came.  I called the office and had my lab work and first ultrasound set up.   They drew 7 vials of blood and I was so happy that the tech got my vein on the first stick.  I've always had issued getting my blood drawn.  After that I got the baseline US and afterwards they sent me home with a script for BCP!  BCP, can you believe it?!  I haven't been on those in 4 years.  I was kind of sad for a moment, but after the research I've done, I knew I'd probably be on them sooner or later.  The doc also said he wanted to do an SIS (saline infused sonogram) on me to make sure my tubes weren't blocked and to see if all was well inside my uterus.  This was to be done at a surgical center since they would anesthetize me. We set up the procedure for the following month.

 

May 2014

I was very nervous the day of the procedure and already we were coming out of pocket with expenses. DH was with me.  The procedure went well, but the doc did notice I had some extra tissue at the top of my uterus which he removed with D & C while they had me under.  This really surprised me as I wasn't expecting something so invasive.  Luckily, my tubes weren't blocked and they sent me home that same day.  I was crampy for a few days afterwards and had bleeding as is typical after such procedure.  They had me continue the BCP and sent me home with a prescription for Estrace to rebuild my uterine lining.

 

June 2014

We finally were done with procedures returned back to the office to meet up with Dr. Williams for a rundown of all that had gone on the past month and a half.  He sat down with us again and went over everything.  Again, he went over the results of the SIS and also my bloodwork and US where he diagnosed me with PCOS (well... duh), and other than that everything else was fine, including on DH's end.  He told us he would put me on Clomid (uh again?) once I stopped bleeding. I was hesitant to take it since it didn't work the past few times and explained this to the doc.  But he assured me it was a different dosage.  I had taken 50 mg and 75 mg previously before and this time I would be taking 100 mg.  He also sent in a script for Ovidrel (to trigger, as we had chosen to BD) and Endometrin (progesterone).   I had to order my meds through a private pharmacy that specializes in fertility meds and does home delivery. 

 

They told me to call back once I stopped bleeding so they could run baseline bloodwork and instruct me when to start Clomid.  And I swear I bled for one month straight.  I called the office every week to reschedule my monitoring since they couldn't do my US while bleeding.  I has was bleeding heavily!  I grew concerned by the 3rd week because I was soaking at least 5 pads a day and I had already rescheduled my appointment 3 times. 

 

July 2014

Finally, a month later my bleeding had lightened up and so they asked me to come in for the baseline US and blood work. They started me on Clomid that day and scheduled me for an appointment 2 days later to monitor how the Clomid was doing.  I went in 2 days later and told them I had started bleeding heavily again.  They drew my blood and did an US and saw that my follicles were still small and that my lining was thin.  They told me to come back in two days that maybe the Clomid hadn't done its work yet.  I asked about the bleeding and they said not to worry that even if it was AF, Clomid would still work.  They sent me home with a prescription for Vivelle-Dot which are estrogen patches.  I came back two days later still heavy bleeding.  My follicles had hardly grown at all and they told me to come back one more time the next week for US and blood work.  They increased my estrogen.  I was still having bleeding when I went in for my 3rd monitoring appt.  This time the doctor did my US and he did a small procedure where he siphoned out the fluid out of my uterus.  This was SOOOO painful I almost cried, but when he suggested we do another SIS instead, I told him to just continue the procedure and I would tolerate it as best as I could.  I'm just glad I got though it.  I was so painful.  He said that should help with the bleeding and suggested I come in one more time in two days to check everything.  Sure enough, that night my bleeding had started getting lighter and by the time in I went in for my final monitoring for that cycle I was just spotting lightly.  I knew that this cycle was going to be a fail.  My body just felt all wrong and I was just waiting for the news.  Sure enough, at my next appointment, they said my follicles were just too small and they were cancelling the cycle.  I was disappointed, but not surprised.  They told me to call once the bleeding stopped completely and they would initiate the next cycle

 

I called them a week later to tell them the bleeding stopped and they called in a prescription for Provera to bring on AF.  I explained that I had JUST stopped bleeding and they said that wasn't a period that my hormones were still adjusting to everything and that the Provera would initiate a new cycle.  They told me to call once AF showed after taking Provera.

 

Lo and behold, 3 days after taking the Provera AF reared her ugly head once again on July 24.  I called the office and told them and they asked if I was sure it was a full bleed and not spotting. I told them I was spotting the day before, but this day I actually had to wear a pad.  So began my next cycle.  They asked me to come in the next day for my baseline US and blood work.  That day they also called in the script for Bravelle as I had told them that I was wanting to move forward with the injections for this cycle.

 

They ran my baseline and by the 25th I was starting injections!  At first I was doing 1 vial.  Then increased to 2 vials by the 2nd week, and a few days later I was on 3 vials.  Monitoring came every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and I was so stressed out with missing work every morning.  I finally had to tell my employers and ask them to change my schedule so that I started an hour later every morning.  I explained that I was doing fertility treatments and getting monitored every other day.  They were very understanding, however this did not make me feel any better since I don't like to inconvenience people, especially my bosses. 

 

August 2014

My last monitoring day was on August 8 and I got the good news that I could trigger that following evening!  I was soooo happy.  That means that I had mature follies waiting to be released.  On the 9th, Saturday, DH administered the trigger and then we were instructed to BD the next day and the day after that.  Because we were so intent on making this happen, we BDed that Sunday, two times on Monday and again on Tuesday.  We were in BD heaven!  Now we waited.  I was told to also start my progesterone on the 14th and come in for my first BETA on 8/25.  That day seemed soooo far away.  I cheated and tested that weekend after triggering and got a BFN.  Not too disappointing considering I knew implantation may not have even occurred.  The wait was sooo long and I told DH that we were definitely gonna test next weekend at home.  I HAD to know before I went to get my blood drawn.

 

That following week passed by uneventful.  I had very tender breasts, but had been like that since a couple of days after starting the Bravelle, so I didn't look much into that.  Last Friday came and the day couldn't pass by fast enough for me.  I tried to busy myself with work and running errands, but I was constantly thinking about testing the next day.  I ran out and got another box of pregnancy tests just to double check the digital ones I already had.  That evening I started having these cramp-like sensations yet they were a bit different from PMS cramps.  I was still hopeful, since I read that pregnancy signs are a lot like PMS.  I also had a decreased appetite, but I thought that may be because I was stressed about testing.

 

Finally the Saturday came when I had planned to test.  I got up at 7:30 am and was so nervous, I almost didn't catch my urine in the cup.  LOL.  I first pulled out a dollar pregnancy test and while still sitting on the toilet did my four drops into the sample well.  As I was washing my hands, I was telling myself not to look at the test... to wait for hubby, but I couldn't resist.  The allotted two minutes hadn't even passed so I thought, "It wouldn't be really cheating since I haven't given it enough time yet".  So I looked down.  Is that a faint second line I see?  I think so... Don't look too hard Mely, do a digital test and let hubby give the final answer.  Quickly I look away and dunked in the Clear Blue Digital test.  I see the timer start to blink so I'm good to go.  I run to the bed and start the timer for 2 minutes.  I know it's gonna be positive.  I know I didn't imagine that faint line on the dollar cheapie. 

 

1 minute passed...

 

I wake up DH.  "Baby, you ready to see the test?"  He stirs and I see that a minute and a half has passed.  I keep trying to wake him.  "Baby, the test is almost done, you ready?"  He slowly wakes up and my timer goes off.  I tell him I just tested and the 2 minutes have passed.  It's time to read it.  I get my phone ready to record his reaction.  He goes into the bathroom and looks down at the tests.  I have both the digital and the cheapie sitting on the countertop.  I see him looking back and forth between the two.  He's asking which one he's supposed to be reading.  I tell him either or, but probably the digital is easier to read.  He turns to look at me with a huge grin on his face and nods at me a few seconds then gives me the thumbs up.  I say, "Really, baby, really?  Is it real?  I wasn't sure."  "Yes, Yes" he's saying as he's nodding. He asked if I had seen it and I said not really that I had done the cheapie first and thought I saw a line but didn't want to look too closely.  I knew the digital one was more precise.  He brought me the stick and I stared at it...

 

PREGNANT

 

One beautiful, life changing word.  We are both grinning ear to ear.  Tears of joy in our eyes.  I don't want to scream because we have roomates and I didn't want them to know.  Just to be sure, I take one more test.  I picked up CVS early response tests.  I dunked the stick and watched it every second.  Within a minute the + sign was already showing!  I didn't even have to wait the whole 2 minutes!  I showed DH.  We were so happy.  3 tests, all very positive.  I can't even begin to explain how I felt.  It felt very unreal and dreamlike, that's for sure.  I must've looked at those tests a million times that day.

 

Our first thoughts were who were we going to tell.  I definitely wanted to tell my parents and he wanted to tell his mom.  I told him that next would be my sister in a few weeks, then close friends a few weeks after that.  Finally when we are through our first trimester we will announce on Facebook as well as telling our coworkers.

 

We went to breakfast then headed to my parents' house.  I said that we were in the area and decided to stop by to say hi.  I got my parents in the same room and asked my mom if she noticed "that spot" on my dad's leg.  She asked "What spot?" and bent down to look.  I pulled out my tests and held them in front of her.  "Did you notice this?" I asked holding them out.  She took them from me and looked at them.  She gasped in shock then started smiling and came to hug me.  My dad was still clueless.  I told her to show him and she handed him the digital one since it was easier to read.  He looked at it and smiled then suggested I take another to me sure.  My mom handed him the other one as I said "I already did.  I took three!"  He looked at it and came to hug me.  Then hugged DH and so did my mom.  We talked a little longer then headed to my MIL's house.

 

When we got there, her car wasn't there so DH called her on her cell.  She was out grocery shopping and he told her to hang on and not leave there as we were on our way.  He was so excited to tell her so he wasn't gonna let a little grocery shopping trip stand in the way.  LOL.  We drove to her neighborhood grocery store and found her standing at checkout.  She was with a family friend so I knew she wasn't gonna be the only one we were going to be telling the news to.  DH went up to her and gave her a hug and told her he wanted to show her something.  He handed her the 2 sticks and she looked at them.  The family friend "got it" before my MIL did and gasped and had this huge smile.  Then my MIL caught on and started smiling and thanking God and gave us both hugs.  We helped her check out and carry her groceries to her car.  She was giving me advice about being pregnant, but also warning me to not get too excited as it was still very early.  She said it was gonna be a boy because she felt it.  She was saying how she prayed she would be a grandmother before she died, as DH is an only child.  We talked a little longer before we left.  We were on cloud nine.

 

Now the real preparation begins.... what do we do now?



It's Official

Well, it's official. Today is CD 37 and AF still has not shown.  I took a third HPT test this morning, and drumroll...

 

I'm NOT pregnant.  :(

 

I guess that means my body back to square one. So much for my hopes and dreams this year to finally have a baby. As much as I didn't want to get my hopes up, I did. Especially with everyone around me getting pregnant and having babies, I figured there was something going around, something in the water.  But apparently not. Maybe it's the $6000 water filtration we installed 2 years ago in our home.  Maybe it's filtering out all the pregnancy hormones.  Lol.  I only wish.

 

So my good friend had her baby on Tuesday. I can't wait to meet her little man.  My BFF.s baby bump is coming along nicely.  Pregnancy suits her well.  As much as it pains me to say this, this will not be our year.  And perhaps not even within the next two years.  And as much as it hurts me to see negative test after test, I think I've finally come to a conclusion.  Hubby and I were discussing it, and it seems IVF is our only option for now.  What does that mean? Well it means we have to save up, wait until DH is done with school and working a steady job.  Even if we have to get a loan, as I've seen many other TTCs do, we won't be financially stable until we see what our future brings.  DH's program will be two years.  So until then, I decided to hold off on any plans for a baby. Believe me, it hurts so much to have to say that. And right now it's the only thing we can do.  It's a decision I had to make to keep my sanity.  Of course we won't stop "trying", we'll never stop trying.  But now that the nursery has been converted and all the baby stuff has been put in storage, it will be a little bit easier.... hopefully.  I have decided to be the best and I can be, the best friend I can be, the best aunt, daughter and sister I can be, and of course the best wife I can be.  Just can't see motherhood in my near future, and so I have to accept that fact.  Though this is a hard pill to swallow, I need to look at it as a blessing in disguise.  DH and I have always wanted to travel, maybe this means we were meant for a life of traveling and experiencing new and different cultures.

 

So unless by some miracle of conception, this blog will be on hold for a while.  Perhaps I will still update if I decide to test again a year from now... Or if AF is unusually late (which doesn't exist).  Maybe I will change the title of this blog and use it to document our experience with being host parents for international students.  That will be the closest thing to motherhood I will get to experience.

 

So here's to hoping that life treats you kindly, and that you are blessed with wonderful children. I must go on my way... signing off....

My Busy Weekend

So, I know I haven't blogged in a few weeks and it's kind of bittersweet.  Mostly I've been preoccupied with getting the house together for the students in a few months and working on lesson plans for the new class I'm teaching this summer.  I figure the busier I am, the less I worry about TTC.  I still get a little choked up thinking about not getting PG, but I try not to think about it.

This weekend was a busy one.  Hubby took vacation from work to relax.  He's been stressed out with balancing school and a full time job.  Plus Saturday was his birthday, so it was a bday present to himself not to think about work.

Friday, we took the big plunge. We both got drastic haircuts. Hubby had been growing his hair out since we got married two and a half years ago. I've haven't had a major haircut since 2007. We both decided to get our locks chopped off. Each of us donated 12 inches to Locks of Love. The change was refreshing, but I'm still getting used to having short hair. So far we've both gotten lots of compliments.

Friday night, my best friend drove in from out of town and came to stay the weekend with us.  We have a mutual friend that was having a baby shower, which she came into town for.  Plus she runs a photography business on the side and had some photo sessions booked over the weekend.  She came in late Friday night, so I only was able to stay up a few minutes to greet her, congratulate her on her pregnancy and then I was off to bed.  We were both busy during the weekend, so other than the shower we didn't get to spend alot of time together.

Saturday was super busy for me.  Good thing I took the day off from work.  That afternoon, one of my good friends I've known since high school was having her baby shower.  This is her 2nd baby.  This was also the 2nd baby shower I've been to this year.  I actually handled it better than I thought I would.  I think keeping myself busy with activities and conversation helped. Then the inevitable questions popped up a couple of times... When am I gonna start having kids?.... When am I going to start thinking about planning a family?  Oh if only they knew.  Soon I hope.  We've been trying.  I don't know, but we're having fun practicing.  All answers I instinctively reply with. Thankfully, I survived baby shower #2.  It wasn't that bad considering that 4 of my friends attending were pregnant, including the celebrated mother to be.  I did get that "whoosh" of sadness towards the end when I let it all settle in, especially when finally alone in my car.  I was just happy to finally come home to hubby, where I only had a few moments to catch a power nap.  Then we were off to celebrate his birthday.

I had plans to surprise hubby on his bday even before my party was planned last month.  I wanted to do something special for him, since he's been so supportive of me these days.  I was pretty much able to pull it off without a hitch.  DH only suspected something a few hours before it went down.  So first on the itinerary was a dinner, where I invited a few family and friends to surprise hubby.  We arrived just as scheduled, 30 minutes after everyone else was scheduled to arrive.  Hubby knew we were on our way to a restaurant since I played it off that I was treating him to a bday dinner.  We got there and everyone was gathered to shout SURPRISE!  Hubby was indeed surprised.  He didn't expect alot of people to show up, but in fact we had a nice turnout.  Dinner was yummy, but unfortunately the service sucked.  They took everyone's order at different times so some people were getting their food while others were barely ordering.  Then some people had finished their dinner and a few of us had yet to even receive our plates.  So we decided to do the cake while we waited for our food.  I got hubby his favorite... German Chocolate cake.  We finally got our food.  By then some of the guests who had finished their food and needed to leave early, said their goodbyes.  We were still finishing up eating.  Then served cake to those who had yet to eat dessert.  DH took a couple of shots
and was enjoying himself.  Then during conversation someone mentioned the Harlem Shake.  I remembered that I had specifically downloaded an app for this day to create this viral video trend.  Hubby loves this dance... don't ask why.  LOL.  So I got everyone together (or at least those willing to partake) and we recorded our own version.  It was so much fun and hubby really enjoyed making it.

 

 

Our night ended at a local bar that a friend introduced me to a few weeks ago.  I really liked the ambience, drinks, and decor so I wanted to have us end the night there.  Friends joined us there as well and we finished the night there.  Hubby really enjoyed his drinks and managed to make it home before getting sick.  Great.... I had to end up taking care of him.  But it was worth it to see him have so much fun.  I'm so glad family and friends were able to join us that night.

 

Sunday we woke up late.  Our houseguests had to leave early.  So they were nice enough to lock up and let us sleep in.  Sunday we just relaxed and watched movies.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell.  We are still TTC.  I have yet to ovulate and now just awaiting AF.  I'm still doing acupunture and manipulation.  No luck.  If anything, I've only gained weight.  :(  I need to get back to the gym... why oh why can't I muster the motivation?  No other updates to report on.

My Birthday Weekend A-Z

A rundown of my birthday weekend from A-Z, you ready???

A is for alcohol, which I had a lot of on Saturday night. I don't like drinking heavily since I'm sort of a "light weight", but I was throwing back drinks and shots like I was back at a college frat party. I didn't get sick wasted, but I'm still disappointed in myself. I hate getting drunk. I can't even remember part of the night. :(

B is for basketball.  DH and an old friend of mine surprised me with tickets to the Houston Rockets game Saturday evening.  I was a wonderful gift.  I hadn't been to a professional basketball game in years.  I had so much fun!

C is for camera.  I'm glad I decided to take my camera for my bday festivities.  Turns out my phone died early on in the night so I had to use my camera to capture the moment.  Then I thought I lost it when I woke up the next day, since it wasn't in my purse.  Turns out one of my friends had it and dropped it off at my sister's the next day.  I wonder what kind of pics are on it.  LOL.

D is for dinner.  DH "surprised" me with an early dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.  I know he wanted it to be a surprise, but my sister accidentally spilled the beans last weekend.  So I kind of knew he was planning some sort of dinner.  My food wasn't that great, which was odd since I really like the food at this particular restaurant.  But having my family and friends there with me was the best part.  I had fun and enjoyed our dinner conversation and laughs.  Then they surprised me with a cake and singing to me as I wore a celebratory mariachi hat.

E is for eye makeup, which I was rockin'!  I don't wear makeup very often, but when I do, I like to get creative with my eyes.  I was wearing a turquoise colored blouse and accessories and decided to incorporate that color scheme into my makeup.  It was fun applying it.  I guess that satifies the artist in me.

F is for family & friends.  I really enjoyed celebrating my bday with my family and friends.  They were with me the whole weekend from the early dinner, to the basketball game, to drinks at the bar.

G is for girlfriends.  Some of my girlfriends couldn't make it this weekend to my bday festivities for which I understood their reasons.  So we've made it a point to do a girls' night out weekend sometime soon.  I love my girls!

H is for hungover, which is how I woke up Sunday morning.  I hadn't had one in a couple of years.  I hate the feeling.  It wasn't too bad, but I definately had one.

I is for interview. I had an interview this past Friday at one of the local hospitals, and it went really well.  I had a feeling I nailed it.  The department head and recruiting advisor were super nice and we got along really well.  I just got a call this moring and found out I've been hired!  It's part-time work and will mesh well with the schedule I have now.  I'm excited to start!

J is for jacket, which I'm so happy I did not need this weekend. Texas weather can get kind of crazy, but the weekend weather was so nice. I didn't even need an umbrella. Who knew February could bring such nice weather here?  It usually is super cold and freezes this time of year. And of all days, it usually snows around my birthday other years. So yes, this was a very pleasant surprise.

K is for kiss cam.  No we didn't make an appearance on the jumbotron.  But it always makes me smile to see couples kiss on camera.  Some ladies even kiss their babies before their guy... awww.

L is for love.  I love my husband so much.  He wrote this wonderful message on facebook to me for my birthday and posted it as his status.  What a wonderful way to make a girl feel loved <3

M is for margaritas, which was my drink of choice when starting my bday festivities.  I had a jumbo margarita at dinner and one at the game.

N is for nails.  I treated myself Saturday afternoon to a french manicure.  Hey a girl needs a little pampering every once in awhile. Sometimes I forget to set aside some time to relax and do something just for me that makes me feel all girly. It was nice.

O is for OPKs.  I started POAS and so far all negative.  But it's still really early.  I'm just excited that my temperatures have been pretty stable since I started temping at the same time.  I just have to keep reminding myself to check CM.  Why, oh why is that so hard to remember?

P is for powder.  White baby powder to be exact.  My sis and BIL, surprised me with a bday prank Saturday night.  DH and I got home from the bar to find my black car covered in baby powder, confetti, colored streamers, and glow sticks.  They had also wrote bday messages on my windows with shoe polish and tied birthday balloons to my side view mirrors.  Since I was inebriated, I didn't remember until the following morning when I woke up and went outside and saw it in it's full glory.  The best part was cleaning it up.  The wonders DH could do with a leaf blower and water hose... LOL.

Q is for quality time.  I spent alot of quality time with those most important in my life.  I love that DH took the time to plan this day for me, and I have to give him props for pulling it off successfully.

R is for Rockets and Ravens winning! I'm not a huge Ravens fan, but they were the underdog in the game, so that was fun to watch.  And of course, I got nothing but love for my local sports teams.  The Rockets beat the Charlotte Bobcats 109-95.  Go Rockets!

S is for Super Bowl.  San Fransisco 49ers vs Baltimore Ravens.  We were invited to one of DH's co-worker's house Sunday for SB.  We were both really tired from Saturday night's festivities, so both of us were nodding off occasionally.  Then drama broke out at the party and two girls there started fighting so we took it as a chance to get out of there.  No point in us sticking around to see the aftermath.

T is for text messaging, which I got lots of on Saturday wishing me a Happy Birthday.  I also got lots of messages on Facebook.  It's nice to know so many people care.

U is for UFC.  I love watching UFC and coincidentally enough, the bar we ended up going to that night was hosting the fights.  What a great way to end my birthday night!

V is for vodka.  Grey Goose gotcha girl feeling loose.  Aint that the truth?  Yeah, I had alot of vodka this weekend.  Hey they offered... they said anything you want to drink.  So I stuck with top shelf all the way.  Grey Goose and cranberry cocktails.  Patron shots.  No wonder I was gone.

W is for wings.  You can't have Super Bowl without eating buffalo wings, right?  The food at DH's friends SB party was yummy!  Not only did she serve wings, but she also had spicy green beans w/potatoes, mac n cheese, and beef & cheesy nachos.  The nachos were delicious!

X is for eXcited!  Which is how I felt all weekend long.  Never a dull moment, that's for sure.

Y is for YOLO.  You only live once.  Yeah, I had a crazy weekend and maybe drank more than I should have.  But I look at it like this, I may not be able to do this again for awhile.  Perhaps next year I'll be PG or even better, maybe I'll be breastfeeding this time next year.  So I ran with it.  LOL.

Z is for "zee end" (in a French accent, lol).

Can't Un-WINE-d!

Grrrr..... I'm so frustrated!  Tonight kicks off my birthday weekend and I can't uncork a friggin' wine bottle!  I f-ed up when trying to open it with one type of corkscrew.  Then tried the manual corkscrew and bent it, which just mutilated the cork in the process.  Now I've been stabbing at the cork stump with a knife for the past 10 minutes!  Hubby just walked in the door in the midst of a wine bottle butchering. I just want a drink....  He says he can get it open but there will probably be cork fragments in the wine.  F*** it, I just wanted a glass, now I just want to get drunk.  I think there's more behind this frustration than meets the eye.

FAIL
End vent.

CD 21 & Hubby Love

Well it seems as if the trigger is finally coming out of my system... I did an OPK yesterday and today and they were both negative. I've been doing pretty good lately, although these past two days I've been dealing with allergies and loose stools (TMI, sorry). I'm not reading too much into that, however. I've also been surprisingly calm these last few days, like no worries. What a nice change of pace. :) I woke up from a late nap a few hours ago, and I feel a little feverish, though my temp is normal. I hope I'm not coming down with anything. I made a promise to myself not to consume any alcohol while in this 2WW (if I can even call it that, since my chart still has no spike), but funny how I've been craving coffee recently. I've had it pretty much every day this week. I told hubby how ironic that I've sworn off alcohol, yet I'm still drinking coffee. I'm going to try and stop that too. (But this cold weather makes me want to enjoy a nice hot cup.) I haven't had any today, YAY! I am excited that next week I will be able to test. I am counting down the days.

In other news, DH has been seriously stressing about our future. I have to admit, we have had to deal with alot on our plate recently. But it's weird because it's usually me that's stressed out and here I am trying to reassure hubby that all is going to be okay. He started his spring semester in school this week and he's taking three classes plus working full time. Also, I still haven't found steady work. I mean, I've picked up two extra days of PT work, but we are still trying to recover, financially, from my recent lay-off. And now, we just found out that our house needs a little work on it too. Plus on top of everything we are dealing with IF. After his first two days of class, he came home pretty overwhelmed with all the expectations of his courses. I told him that now that I have more time on my hands I can help him out. After all, I've been in school pretty much most of my life, so I know what and what not to do. I don't like seeing him stressed like this, especially when I'm trying to be positive and optimistic about this cycle. But I think with the pressure of perhaps bringing a baby into the picture he feels very overwhelmed. I understand it's a lot to deal with at one time, but like I explained to hubby, we just need to take one thing at a time. I used a metaphor with him last night when trying to explain things. I said...

It's like putting mayo in your sandwich... If you scoop a spoonful of mayo and plop it on a slice of bread, you're not expected to eat it like that. Yes, of course it seems like alot... but that's if your planning on biting into it like that. And who would do that, certainly not you and me. You have to spread it out the bread slice. Right? That way what seemed like alot at first is now spread out evenly in each bite. I told him that's how we have to approach our issues right now. Yes, we've had a lot to deal with in these past few weeks, but you'd be insane to try and tackle it all at once. You need to deal with these things slowly and with care, making sure to spread it out over time. Yes, I'm not making nearly as much money as I was with my FT job, but I'm still working... I'm still bringing in money. I've got three jobs. I work 3 days a week and I just found out I may be picking up another job (more about that later). Yes, your classes may seem hard at first, but remember, you have your weekends free to study. Plus I will help you out. I'm a pro at these classes. They are what I live through everyday (he's taking Human Anatomy & Physiology and Medical Terminology), I can help you with studying. I can make it seem less difficult. Work, unfortunately can't change. Yes, they are stressing you out over there. But you are only human, you can't be expected to do EVERYTHING. I know you usually try to and that's what makes you such a good, hard working man. But remember, you are not dedicated to this place and you may be soon leaving in a few months if our plans stay on track. Just grin and bear it. Sometimes that's all you can do. The house needs a little work, yes, but we can tackle that gradually. It doesn't all need to be fixed in one day. Slow and steady wins the race. And finally IF... who knows if this cycle will be successful. Yes, this is the farthest we've come and yes, there is chance this may finally be the start of a new chapter. But again it's one day at a time. Babies early on don't require alot of spending. Thank goodness we've decided to cloth diaper and we've already purchased a bassinett. I'm an avid supporter of breastfeeding for the first year, and hopefully I won't have any problems with it. That also will save us money. We both have very supportive families and if it ever comes down to it, I'm sure they can lend a helping hand if need be. I somehow have this feeling that things will turn out okay. I think that's why I've been so calm lately. Maybe it's pregnancy hormones, who knows! (Wishful thinking) But we are here and surviving just fine. Carpe diem. Tomorrow will bring different opportunities, so you just have to take it one day at a time. Times like this will only strengthen our bond and bring us closer together. I love you forever and always.